Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.

10.30.2007

Slip sliding away

videoThe kids (and the men) were loving the groovy little Mickey Mouse looking slide at the resort pool. I stuck one toe in the water before I hopped into the hot tub (which wasn't THAT hot). But, the kids didn't care! video

Hot tub hottie or hubba, hubba, hubby

Staying at one of the Disney World resorts had to be one of the coolest parts of this trip. We were able to leave our room and be at the park in less than 20 minutes. We could walk to a bus stop and catch a bus and be there in a snap. It was great. We could leave for lunch and take a bus back to the resort, let the kids nap and then go back. I'm spoiled. We also treated the kids to fun in the water on Friday. I felt like the pool should have been heated, so when I was in the water, I was in the hot tub, like the rest of the family is here. That is my bro-in-law on the far left with his son. Then, of course, my two boys, Army of Dad with my niece and Little Bit.
My nephew. Don't let that smile fool you ... he is all boy and very mischievous. He thought Hot Rod was the coolest and followed him everywhere. It drove Hot Rod nuts. :)
Hubba, hubba. Little wonder why I married him. He is such a good cook. Oh yeah, and a bit of a looker, too.
Little Bit has got to be one of the cutest children on the planet. Biased or not, I think she is cute as a button. She was very brave and went down the slide repeatedly. She loved it.

Forever

Ahhh, I'm back from Florida - at least till Friday. Then, I go back to Florida for a weekend conference. Anyway. I LOOOOVE this song. Ahem. You can probably take a guess what might be a good activity to occupy one's time while listening to this song.

10.25.2007

Boo at the U

The children had a grand time tonight at Boo at the U hosted by the the staff and students at Texas Woman's University here in town. It was a lot of fun and it was free. That makes it even better. They had trick or treating, games and free miniature train rides. The kids were in heaven. Then, we told them that they get to go on a plane ride in the morning, too. Dragging their butts out of bed at 3:30 a.m. is going to be rough!

Oh, Little Bit is Tinkerbelle and the boys are the two versions of Spiderman. Hot Rod is pretty easy to please. He usually wears Pickle's old costumes and is happy to do so. We lost the mask that goes with this Spiderman costume and it is a bit small, but he doesn't care. Saves me $20! Pickle's costume was his birthday present from his aunt. Little Bit's was the only I had to buy. Cha-ching. See you all on Tuesday!

Minnie or Mickey?

Getting ready for the Disney trip reminded me of our first family trip to Disney back in October 1998. Pickle was just 4 then and his speech impediment was severe. Few could understand him, aside from me.

He wanted Mickey Mouse ears and wanted me to have some, too. We got some for both of us and he cried when I put mine on and was freaked out. We finally figured out that he wanted me to have Minnie ears, but we couldn't understand him. So, I took my ribbon out of my hair and tied a bow around one of the ears and he was happy after that.

Pickle had forgotten about that, but it lingered in my mind through all these years. Army of Dad recalled it differently, but trust me, nine years later and I'm still experiencing mommy guilt over it. We pulled out the ears and it was funny to see Pickle (now 13) trying to put on the ones he wore at age 4. The kids still haven't figured out where we're going. I'm scared I'm this deceptive. :)

Casket caper

I bought some 'birds and the bees' books from Focus on the Family for Pickle last year and ever since, I've been on their mailing list. Most of the time, I just chunk the stuff, but I got a little magazine yesterday and had some downtime waiting to pick up kids from school, so I flipped through it and found a couple of good jokes.

Three friends were talking about how they wanted to be remembered and what friends might say when taking a last look at them in their coffins.

Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, spiritual leader and a family man."

Merle said, "I would like them to say that I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God and that I made a huge difference in people's lives."

Don said, "I would like them to say, 'Look! He's moving!'"

Uncertainty

Mom had another test/procedure on Wednesday in which the cardiologist put a scope down her throat to gain images of her heart from the backside. He wanted to have this and the catheter results before consulting a surgeon about repairing her leaky valve with open heart surgery.

I'm having to rely on information from my mom, but she may not be a candidate after all for the valve repair. The cardiologist said it looks like her valve and chamber (?) may be more calcified than he thought and beyond repair. This takes me back to him telling me that if she did not have the procedure, she likely has two more good years before her heart starts to fail. I'm in a large state of denial and want to wait until she sees the doctor in a week or two before I fret too much. I hope to go with her to that appointment, so I can get the information from him.

In the meantime, please say some prayers.

10.24.2007

Michigan J. Frog

Michigan J. Frog played right field part of the game Tuesday night. I was filming my boy at first when I kept hearing the right-fielder singing and moving around, so I look over and see this. At first, it was like the real Michigan J. Frog. Whenever I'd look, he'd stop (he didn't croak like Michigan, though). Then, I caught him in the act. If you listen carefully, you can hear me start singing and stifling a giggle.

video

A walk down memory lane

I heard a Journey song on the radio while waiting to pick up Pickle from school. I scared him with the new hair color and singing loudly with the windows rolled down. Then, I had to make it even more embarrassing - I did air drums. :)

When's karaoke night?

With the goth hair I have now, I can pull this off again. The Texan Alanis Morissette - that's me. Ahhh, the memories of drinking heavily and slurring through an angry slut song.

The Bettie Page Look

Ever have one of those moments when you think 'Man, I sure would like a change.'? Then, it winds up being a really bad move? *sigh* I walked into the salon this morning and told my hairdresser that I'd like to go darker this time.

Oops. Couple the dark hair with the bangs that he blew dry to go all the way across my forehead and I walked out of there looking like Bettie Page with glasses, a UNT t-shirt and capri pants.

I'm not sure what I think about the look yet. This is close to my natural color - but darker. Way darker, I think. The last time I had hair like this was the day after I met Army of Dad wayyyyyyy back in 1997. I got some crazy idea that I wanted to dye my hair jet black. He wasn't a fan then. I doubt he'll be a fan of this now. He likes me blonde. Although, perhaps, we could play Bettie Page tonight. :) That might make the look bearable for him.

10.22.2007

Peanut Butter Jelly Time

Watching Family Guy tonight and saw Brian doing the Peanut Butter Jelly Time song. This is one of Pickle's all-time favorite Internet things. My dear husband had never seen it. *smacking self on head* Go check out the one featuring Brian doing the Family Guy Peanut Butter Jelly Time song.

10.21.2007

Mixed marriage

Purple and gold - the colors my boys bleed. They were a bit disappointed with the outcome of the Vikings-Cowboys game today, but still managed to have a good time. We managed to do a bit of tailgating and almost everyone there was very tolerant of the Vikes fans. :) You can see me modeling my early birthday present - a new Romo jersey and Cowboys cap. So, I was very excited. I've been eyeballing this jersey for a few months now. So, it was a nice treat from Army of Dad.
This was a pretty shot. The skies were gorgeous. The weather wasn't awful, about 85, but no breeze inside the stadium and the girl behind me was wearing stinky flip-flops. I have the sniffer of a bloodhound, so I had to lean forward on my chair the whole time to keep from passing out.
This shot was taken by Hot Rod of Marion Barber on a run.
These were some happy Vikes fans early in the game when they were leading after that comical defensive TD the Vikes scored. Surrounded by a sea of blue and silver. There were other Vikes fans, too. You can sort of see the douchebag in front of me with his cap on backwards. *sigh* He and his wife were fighting the entire game. Then, in the second half when the Cowboys scored, she thought she'd be funny and try to get AoD to high five her. He just shook his head no. Understandable. So, then, she turns and whispers to her husband. So, he does it, too. Again, AoD just shakes his head no and gestures no with a little wave of his hand. So, then douchebag starts mouthing off. Well, AoD isn't one to back down from anyone. So, before long, the two are exchanging words. *sigh* Well, now the couple has made up, because their animosity toward one another is now collectively aimed at AoD. Lovely. Bimbo just tries to egg on AoD, but I sidetracked. Every time she'd try to pop off to piss him off, I just spoke over her to AoD and directed his attention elsewhere. Then, she tried just standing up and dancing in front of us whenever a play was going on. I was getting a little hot under the collar, but managed to ignore her. After a series or two of plays, she got tired of doing it when no one would bite. *shaking my head* Pretty juvenile if you ask me. My favorite part was when the Cowboys cheerleaders were doing a routine during a TV timeout and the woman got up and was trying to do the same dance moves - complete with waving her hands as if she had pompons. I was cracking up, but I don't think she meant for it to be funny. Even her douchebag husband looked at her like she had lobsters crawling out of her ears.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm the jerk in a situation, but when the Cowboys fans behind us and beside Hot Rod both leaned over and asked us what the dude's problem was and we told them, they both told AoD that they had his back. Ha. Just goofy. Our mixed marriage is working ok, I suppose. :)

Game Day: Bring it on

So, today is the day when the marital bliss is put aside for the Vikings-Cowboys match up. Pre-season games aside, the last time these teams met (if I recall correctly) was Thanksgiving way back in 2000 and I happened to be in Florida with Army of Dad's family full of Vikings fans. The Vikes smacked down the Cowboys with a decisive and collective whack on the ass and a 'who's your daddy?' thrown in for good measure. Not my finest moment.

So, I'm thinking I'll have my revenge today. I just hope the kid can handle losing with dignity. Ok, as much dignity as one can have in a purple jersey while wearing a viking helmet.

Playing on the big field

Blackwatch's soccer club had the opportunity to do a training session today on the Pizza Hut Park pitch where FC Dallas plays. It was really cool to see the boys out there playing. Hot Rod was really excited about it.
They had lots of drills, but no scrimmages, which frustrated him. He is more about playing than training. *sigh*
He has some powerful legs, though.
The 99 boys team was there. All but one kiddo was present. Look at those big smiles! The entire Blackwatch program lined the field to welcome FC Dallas when the players entered. Hot Rod got to shake everyone's hands! I made it on to the big screen. :) I also had Carlos Ruiz, Dominic Oduro and Dax McCarty (among others) walk right next to me. *heart thumping.*
KC Wizrds star Eddie Johnson came out to greet Coach Chad (pony tail boy) before the game. Apparently, coach was on the US National team back in the 90s and lots of these players know him. Pretty impressive.
And, I walked right by Drew Moor getting interviewed before the game. Oh my, is he cute? FC Dallas lost 2-0, but we had fun in spite of it. I love going to the FC Dallas games. I think this team has moved up to my second favorite sports team behind the Cowboys. The Rangers are just too crummy and it costs a small fortune to take our kids to a game. We can do a FC Dallas game for much cheaper, no parking fees and it is way closer to home. Plus, our car hasn't been broken into at a FC Dallas game either. That all factors in. Guess I need to break down and get an FC Dallas jersey sometime soon.

Dorks Illustrated

Took Pickle to Star Wars Fan Day between sporting events today and brought along a friend of his from school. This guy played soccer for us and is called my third son. :) I really like him and he is a pretty normal kid. Although, if he continues to hang around us, we'll dork him up eventually. LOL. This is Pickle with Kenny Baker, who played R2D2 in the original series. He seemed pretty tired by the time we got to him around 4ish. He had been at it since noon. But, I was really glad to add his autograph to Pickle's collection.
Harry Potter'a cast - part of them - was there.
Then, we had the unmasked Darth Vader and the clone troopers (or are they storm troopers?) I'm a dork, but not that big of a dork to know the difference.
The boys and the R2 unit.
and, this guy, I remember him, but can't remember which movie he's from. Pickle thought he was being funny with that face. *shaking my head*

10.20.2007

Hat Trick

videoI had to laugh at this one. Hot Rod fouled off a pitch and the dad on the other team tried to be studly and catch it. However, I have been where he is standing and there is some concrete slab and a big hole next to it, in addition to some strange plastic thing covering some weird pole. So, he has a good excuse for tripping, but it is still funny. Those two sets of parents were on our team last spring. :) video And, Hot Rod's double to CF. One of his three for three - all to LF or CF. He had three RBIs and scored three runs. He played great. The team lost 11-15 because of poor coaching, mostly. *sigh* It is a long story. The coach is a friend of ours, but has a TOTALLY different coaching style than we do and it makes it really hard for us. But, we're sucking it up and trudging forward. Hot Rod is doing well.

Because I'm That Big of a Dork

Saturday, ok looking at the clock, today ... will be busy, but fun. Hot Rod has a baseball game at 1 p.m. then I'm taking Pickle and one of his friends to the Star Wars Dorkfest. I pulled out my one and only Star Wars shirt with a blue light saber and the caption "It's not the Jedi way" on it. So, I thought I had better brush up on my Star Wars quotes before heading out to dorkfest wearing that shirt. I remember Anakin saying it, but I couldn't remember which movie. Turns out it was Episode III. It was my second least favorite of the new movies. I wasn't really a fan of any of them. Give me the originals from my childhood any day. I am in the minority of most folks, but of the new three movies, I liked Episode I the most, III the second and II the least of them all. Episode II made me want to take a fondue stick and gouge out my eyes and ears.

But, I digress.

We're off to get Kenny Baker's autograph (R2D2). We don't have his yet. We have Darth Vader, the original Boba Fett, Chewbacca, young Anakin, Darth Maul and maybe another one or two, I can't remember. I have several Star Trek autographs and Serenity, too. Star Wars is more Pickle's gig.

Anyway. After Dorkfest, we are going to the FC Dallas game. Hot Rod's soccer team will get to have a practice on the big field at Pizza Hut Park before the game and then be on the field when the teams come out. Too cool. Should be fun.

Sunday, we are going to the Vikings-Cowboys game. A fun-filled weekend. I'm missing my baby girl, though. She went to spend the weekend with her Granny and Papa. The three of them were ecstatic. Me? I'm missing my buddy. She and I are like peas and carrots. I may be lost when she starts kindergarten next year. The house is REALLY quiet without her.

Yeah, right, she's not your girlfriend

Last week I was informed that Q is now officially Pickle's girlfriend. *rolling my eyes* Like we didn't know that before, hon. Please.

10.19.2007

Future sorority girls

I just keep envisioning them saying "Delta Love!" and making triangles with their hands like one of my college roomies. But, good grief, are these three of the cutest little girls you've ever seen?

Hello Win Column!

video Finally. Hot Rod's little baseball team won a game. Man, that other team must have really stunk. :) Here is Hot Rod making a snag at first base.

All American Boy

videoBig blue eyes, blond hair, smart, athletic, a little bit of Calvin (from Calvin and Hobbes) mixed in with Dennis the Menace - yep, that's my boy. Here he is as a narration team for the PTA meeting Thursday night. He was so cute. I have videos of him making great Calvin faces throughout the third grade performance. I couldn't even get mad because it was so hilarious. Make sure to brush your teeth; high sweetness factor here.

10.18.2007

Vote for Pedro

Is this the funniest thing you've ever seen? This is my niece and two nephews. I laughed out loud when I saw Napolean Dynamite and Pedro. That's funny, I don't care who you are. And, I believe that is Jessie the Cowgirl from Toy Story. She's got my prissy gene, even if we are only related by marriage. Apparently, not long after this picture, Napolean was wearing Jessie's hat and it fell into the giraffe habitat (they were doing Boo at the Zoo). Jessie was devastated at the loss of her hat; big brother was upset for fear that the giraffe would eat it and choke. I'm guessing Pedro was trying to hit up the giraffes to pay for protection. :)

Will write for food

My honey got a bonus today and we were excitedly thinking about how to spend it and we decided to splurge and get the family an Xbox 360. Then, this afternoon, the AC unit finally died an ugly death. I may be wrong, but I don't think so. It has a distinctive hissing sound when it won't blow out cold air. On the up side, we may have finally hit fall here in North Texas and aside from a few days with upper 80s in the next week, a cold front is set to hit on Sunday night.

So, there we have it. I may go the way of many of my favorite bloggers and put up a tip jar to help fund the AC unit. I was praising God this morning for the money coming in time for our Disney trip. This would allow us to leave our money in savings and we could treat the kids (and AoD) to the Xbox 360 for a family gift.

*sigh* Always seems to be something raining on our parade.

Let the Smack Down Begin

I'm excited to see that Vikings RB phenom. I just hope we can contain him. If we can do that, the Cowboys will snap back from the tragic loss to Pretty Boy and Coach Belecheat.

Did I mention that Army of Dad and I are taking Hot Rod. I'll be outnumbered by the Vikings fans in my group, but they'll be super duper minorities at Texas Stadium.

Freaking out the middle-schoolers

On MySpace, I'm da bomb with the junior high crowd. I have my best friend's kids on there, a bunch of the boys from our old soccer team and a few other friends and acquaintances. So, I have to kind of temper what I do on there.

Recently, I added the PlayList music player to the page. I'm sure the kiddos who swing by think I'm psycho. Here is a small sampling of the 100 or so songs I have on there:

Disarm - Smashing Pumpkins
Bodies - Drowning Pool
I feel for you - Chaka Khan
She's Every Woman - Garth Brooks
Woman in Chains - Tears for Fears
Rich Girl - Hall and Oates
Rock Your Body - Justin Timberlake
Shake, Shake, Shake (Shake your booty) - KC and the Sunshine Band
Annie's Song - John Denver
P.I.M.P. - 50 Cent
Ride Wit Me - Nelly
Instanbul (Not Constantinople) - They Might Be Giants
Whole of the Moon - The Waterboys
Lose Yourself - Eminem
Everlong - Foo Fighters
Close to You - The Carpenters
Knowing Me, Knowing You - Abba
Fool's Gold - Stone Roses
Stand and Deliver - Adam Ant
Turning Japanese - The Vapors
Jungle Love - The Time

I think I listed some of the other songs when I first got the PlayList ... but these are just some of the additions. I like to call myself eclectic. But, I'm not sure if that is the right word. :)

10.17.2007

Photoshop

It is really disgusting what magazines do to normal women. They photoshop them into these images of perfection. Yeah, it would be cool to have shots of me photoshopped, so all my cellulite is gorgeous smooth skin. But, that would be deceiving. I earned every dimple on my ample backside and thighs in some form or fashion.

This was sort of gross to look at this girl's bony back and then to see how lovely it is after being touched up. This needs to go into my book. Women need to realize that looking like this is unrealistic and really unnecessary. Men like us the way we are. I don't recall any man ever kicking me out of bed because of a jiggle in my backside. Men just like women. That isn't to say that they wouldn't care if we were as large as Jabba the Hut, but most men don't expect perfection. It is women who set that high bar for ourselves after looking at images like this.

Fear

"The important thing is to work every day. I work from about seven until about noon. Then I go fishing or swimming, or whatever I want. The best way is always to stop when you are going good. If you do that you'll never be stuck. And don't think or worry about it until you start to write again the next day. That way your subconscious will be working on it all the time, but if you worry about it, your brain will get tired before you start again. But work every day. No matter what has happened the day or night before, get up and bite on the nail."
- Ernest Hemingway in a 1961 interview with Edward Stafford for Writer's Digest

Wow. Words of wisdom from one of the greatest. So, why do I feel like I'm going to burst into tears or throw up every time I think about writing more than a magazine article or a blog post? Why? Just thinking about sitting down and writing gives me such anxiety that I am almost frozen to the spot where the idea hits me.

I want so badly to say I'm an author. Right now, I feel disappointment in myself when I tell someone I'm a writer. I want to be an author. I want to feel that pride in myself. I want to be proud of me the way I'm proud of my son, the artist. The pride I have in my son, the straight-A awesome athlete. The pride I have in my beautiful, clever and charming daughter. The pride I have in my husband, the wonderful coach and work manager. I want that pride for me. Right now? If you asked me and I was honest, I feel like a failure. I know, logically, I am not. I'm living my dream. I know that. I recognize that. But, deep down, I feel like a failure. Voted most likely to succeed among my senior class. I haven't lived up to that. I look all around at the people I graduated with - one has been a state representative and is a government lobbyist; another is the assistant to one of the big wigs at Hillwood Development; some are teachers; some are artists; some are living in quarter-million dollar homes. Me? I'm a mom. I'm good at it. I'm a writer. I've achieved what most writers haven't - the ability to work from home while sitting in a baseball jersey and my panties while conducting business calls with multi-millionaire real estate moguls.

Should I be proud? Yeah, I probably should. But, I know there is more for me. I just have to overcome the fear. The terror that grips me from my gut. I just don't know how to do it. I'm taking tiny baby steps toward beating it down, but so far, I haven't found a big enough stick to kill it.

10.16.2007

Monsters in the closet

I have a friend whose very bright son is scared aliens are going to abduct him. He refuses to sleep alone and doesn't want to go to sleep at night without one of his parents nearby. He believed a classmate who claimed to have been abducted while sleeping after he read some alien book.

My friend is struggling to help her son get over this fear of something that won't ever happen. It is really hard for her to handle and watch.

Dealing with make-believe monsters in the world can be hard. But, it is almost impossible for me to wrap my mind around the real-life monsters in the world and what they do to children.

It isn't much consolation, but a monster named Lamont Hunter was sentenced to death for the sexual abuse, torture and murder of his girlfriend's 3-year-old son. Then, there is Harrel Franklin Braddy. This asshole got angry with a woman and kidnapped her and her daughter. He
dropped off the 5-year-old girl in an area called Alligator Alley, where she was killed by gators. Thankfully, Braddy was sentenced to die, too.

The world can be a really scary place. I don't know what more I can say.

Getting serious

Ok, for the past 10 years that I've been attached to Army of Dad, he has been encouraging me to write a book. I have about a half-dozen or more books in my head.

I've made lots of excuses regarding why I haven't written any of them: too busy at home, too busy with work, too busy with whatever.

Now, the excuses are stopping and I'm taking it seriously. However, before I dive into it, I've been attending writer workshops, writer meetings and seminars. I've been reading magazines on writing and books on writing. I want to immerse myself into how to do it and how to do it correctly. I want to make someone go "WOW" when they read it. I want them to laugh. I want them to cry. I want them to feel what is going on in a scene as if they were standing right there - like Harry falling into the pensieve to see Dumbledore's memories. That is what I want my writing to feel like - like you are standing there and feeling the chill air in the room or the smell of tobacco coming from a pipe. I want you to feel.

I've had a few things I've written that I'm especially proud of and that people have told me brought tears to their eyes or made them laugh out loud. That is what writing is all about.

*shrug*

But, I digress a bit. I've rubbed off on my husband almost as much as he's rubbed off on me. I'm throwing tissue boxes across the room during Cowboys games (his influence) and he is instructing me to dress nicer for the luncheon I'm going to today because "Clinton from What Not to Wear is in town today, you know." *fighting back a tear* He knows who Clinton is and what show he's on. *stifling back a laugh* Although, maybe I should grab my capri workout pants with the tackly little zippers on the pockets and Clinton will see me and decide I really NEED to be featured on the show. :)

Lastly, I would like to do some research for one book I have in my head. I would like to have about a dozen male readers *I hear the crickets chirping* who are willing to let me quiz them via email about women, sex, attraction, etc. If you wouldn't mind doing this, please email me at armyofmomblogger@yahoo.com. Everything I get will be anonymous, but I'd like to see if I'm on track with a few trains of thought. One book in my mind is how women can keep their men happy and totally in love with them. I want to see if I'm on track. Thanks guys.

Another one bites the dust

Attention bad guys:
Us homeowners and business owners, we're fed up with you targeted us and stealing our shit. We worked hard for that stuff. We've sacrificed time with our families to go to work. We've stayed up late to make deadlines. We've worked on weekends and missed our kids' youth sports games. We've done this to make a better life for ourselves and we're not going to put up with you lazy assholes breaking into our homes and taking what we've earned.

So, before you step foot on my property with the intent to steal something, you may want to think twice. In Texas, many of us are armed and we know how to use our weapons. And, by God, if you even think about it with many of us, we'll make sure you don't victimize anyone else.

The Dallas Morning News: Earlier this year, Texas lawmakers approved the Castle Law, which removes any obligation for a crime victim to retreat before responding with deadly force when faced with an intruder in his or her home, vehicle or business. Despite the new legislation, Sgt. Lewis said he would not describe the series of shootings as a trend, nor did he believe the law had empowered more people to shoot to kill. “We get them over the year from time to time,” Sgt. Lewis said of intruder shootings. Dallas police recorded more than 14,400 residential burglaries last year.

14,400 reported residential burglaries. That probably doesn't count all the ones that people don't bother to report since the 5-0 doesn't care alot of the time. (Don't get me started on the way the Arlington Police treated me when my car was broken into.)

But, people are fed up. We're tired of being ripped off. Kudos to the homeowner, who - after being alerted by his pet bird of the bad guy's arrival - sent him to meet his maker and face Him for his criminal ways.

Bad guys, you have been warned. Yet another shallow-ender removed from the gene pool. Score one for the good guys.

10.15.2007

Beware bad guys

Hat tip to Kim for the link to the homeowner who held two bad guys at gunpoint until deputies arrived to haul 'em off. The dude saw the jerks rummaging around in his garage when he went to grab his shotgun. He said that click-click sound got their attention.

Go watch the video. The homeowner's wife said she had never seen that side of her husband and feels like a newlywed again. *wink* We do like our men to be tough, that is for certain.

This heads up homeowner caught the two on a crime spree with the fruits of their criminal activity found by the cops in their car.

Chalk another one up for the good guy.

Gene pool may be deeper today

Congrats to James Walton for dwindling the shallow end of the gene pool when he shot and killed a burglar for breaking into his business. This is the second time in about a month that Walton has shot and killed a creep breaking into his business. Fox 4 reported this morning that Walton has had 42 police reports over the years reporting his business being broken into.

Ok, what does it take for these dumbasses to realize Walton isn't going to put up with you ripping him off and cutting into his livelihood?

I think I'd put up a sign out front: Two burglars killed in less than a month. Do you want to be next? Maybe that would dissuade the douchebags from trying to break in, but I doubt it.

I really hate people who won't work for a living and rip people off - especially after being victimized in August. My experience just reinforced it even more for me. My children still worry that a "bad guy" is going to break into the car and steal their toys. Get off your asses and get a job. Yeah, you might have to flip a burger at Mickey D's, but it is honest work. I could go on and on, but guess what? I have to actually do some work.

10.14.2007

Fire hazard

videoFriday morning was Little Bit's 5th birthday. The tradition in our house is to drag birthdays out for at least a week. It is my way of spoiling the children. They get to have that very special week or so at least once a year. You're only a kid once. And, on the morning of the child's birthday, they get to have a cupcake for breakfast and blow out a candle. Little Bit had a bit of a fire hazard for her birthday, though. Observe. :) And, don't be too harsh on my voice. I'm still recovering from bronchitis and STILL don't have a voice yet. She looks too pretty to have just rolled out of bed without running a brush through those unruly curls. I wish I looked that good when I wake up.

Game ball

My boy got the game ball the other night. He went 3 for 3 and was responsible for three put-outs, too. Not too shabby. Of course, the game two nights before he played even better also going 3 for 3 with a single, double and triple and made a studly catch at shortstop that warranted an ESPN highlight reel. He also was responsible for three other put-outs, too. Can't beat that.

And, look at that gorgeous sunset. How beautiful is that? Coupled with my handsome son, it was a great night.

Driving in Dallas

A friend sent this to me and I laughed so hard, my sides hurt. If you live in Dallas or have ever visited, you know how true this is.

First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS depending on if you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.

Next, if your Mapsco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If in Denton County and your Mapsco is one-day-old, then it is already obsolete. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. (Frisco has screwed everything up.)

Dallas has its own version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray." There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas. We all drive like that.

All directions start with, "Get on Beltline," which has no beginning and no end. (It REALLY DOESN'T!!!)

The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. *Just ask AoD, he can vouch for this*

The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. *I can vouch for this in Fort Worth, too. I would endeavor to leave by 3 to avoid rush hour, but still got stuck in traffic.*

Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. *amen to that, too*

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot.

When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooo much fun with that, we have added George Bush Freeway and the High Five to the mix.

If someone actually has his or her turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect. Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators - and remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas. .

All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Fort Worth!"

All old ladies with blue hair in a Mercedes have the right of way. Period. And remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas...

Inwood Road, Plano Road, NW Highway, East Grand, Garland Road, Marsh Lane, Josey Lane, 15th Street, Preston Road all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples). The perfect example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road. On the south end, it is known as Lake Highlands Drive, cross Northwest Highway and it becomes Plano Road, go about 8 miles and it is briefly Greenville Ave, Ave K, and Highway 5. It ends in Sherman.

The North Dallas Tollway is our daily version of NASCAR. The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Road is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. It also ends in Sherman.

The wrought iron on\n windows near Oak Cliff and Fair Park is not ornamental!!

If asking directions in Irving or SE Dallas , you must have knowledge of Spanish.

If in central Richardson or on Harry Hines, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet.

If you stop to ask directions on Gaston or Live Oak, you better be armed... and remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas.

A trip across town east to west will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75.

It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST NORTHWEST Highway. Don't let this confuse you.

LBJ is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."

If you go to the State Fair, pay the $8.00 to park INSIDE Fair Park. Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, and possibly a gunshot wound. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard, run over him. *when I was in high school, we paid some dude $10 to park in his yard. We were shocked to come back and find all our hubcaps still in place and the windows in tact.*

If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.

If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Stock Show is going on. *this is true. It never sleets unless the stock show is going on*

If it has rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Byron Nelson Golf Classic is in the second round (if it's Spring) - and it is the Texas State Fair if it's Fall.

Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, racetracks, airports, etc., are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.

Final Warning: Don't Mess With Texas Drivers ... remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas.

*enjoy*

Call me old-fashioned

Would any responsible mother out there actually let her child wear this whore-leader costume? Especially with the heavy Taxi Driver Jodie Foster child prostitute style makeup ... I am pretty open minded, but this just disturbs me. This picture was attached to a promotional email from the local party products store. I'm just thinking there are much better costumes to promote than pirate whoreleader. Yuck.

Hi, I'm AoM and I'm a Romosexual

Hi. I'm Army of Mom and I'm a Romosexual.

Only this is one addiction that I don't want cured. I really wanted to get a Romosexual t-shirt, but they're back ordered.

This morning at Target, everyone there was geared up and ready for the Cowboys game today. I saw a Romosexual shirt there, lots of jerseys and hats. I even saw a Tom Brady jersey on a gal. Boo hiss. :)

Unfortunately, I think Coach Belecheat and Pretty Boy are gonna come out on top this week. I hope I'm wrong, but my game prediction: Cowboys 24, Patriots 35

10.13.2007

Can't Tase This

With a chorus of "don't tase me bro" to the tune of Hammer Time. How can this be anything other than effing hilarious. Enjoy.

By the way, my daughter can do a mean hammer dance.

10.12.2007

19 vs 39

Things I miss about being 19:
1. being responsible for no one but me
2. the hard decisions like whether to buy the $100 pair of shoes or the $100 jacket
3. making heads turn
4. weighing 118 and thinking I'm fat
5. being able to call cute boys and have them show up 10 minutes later
6. the confidence to dance by myself at a club
7. did I mention having no responsibilities?
8. no mortgage
9. having my dad pay my bills
10. a car with no payment
11. nothing more stressful than a Poli Sci final to worry about
12. eating a large pizza and 2-liter of Dr Pepper and not gaining a pound
13. frat parties

Things I DON'T miss about being 19
1. fretting over my reputation
2. date rape
3. dating
4. roommates who stick me with long distance bills for calls to Taiwan
5. relying on my dad for money
6. fretting over thinking I'm pregnant and hearing nothing but crickets chirping when I call my boyfriend to tell him
7. cheating boyfriends
8. stressing over having the latest styles
9. all-nighters for finals
10. lack of confidence in the sack to get what I want
11. settling for guys who showed a smidgen of interest when I could have done better
12. worrying about getting an MIP when hosting booze-laden parties at our apartment
13. bad hair (it was the 80s people, come on)

Now, that I'm going to be marking the 20th anniversary of my 19th birthday soon (Nov. 7) ... it just made me think about things. *shrug* Looking back made me realize I miss those days of that banging body and the ability to stay up all night partying and still have energy to go the whole next day. Where did the years go? Maybe I can graduate from hottie to MILF?

High fashion?

There are some days when I wish Clint and Stacy from "What Not to Wear" would show up on my front door to tell me how fashion-challenged I am and give me that Visa with $5,000 on it for a brand new wardrobe. I think I might even relinquish my A-Rod Rangers jersey and my Emmitt Smith Cowboys jersey in exchange for the improvements. And, that would be a GIGANTIC sacrifice for me.

But, then, I see "outfits" like this one and decide that my soccer mom/SAHM wardrobe is just fine. The caption for this photo: a model presents an ensemble by Spanish fashion designer Jose Castro during the presentation of his Spring/Summer 2008 Ready to Wear collection, in Paris, Saturday Oct. 6.

Ready to wear? You gotta be effin' kidding me. Ready to wear? WTF? Who would wear this? It looks like a pouf I have in the bathroom that I used to rub soap on my back while bathing. Or it looks like the wad of tissues Hot Rod makes when he has a runny nose. I suppose it could be one of those tissue paper roses on sticks that you can get at Mexican carnivals. And, I don't even know where to start with that hairstyle. It looks like a knob on an old video game or a black baby bottle nipple. The make up looks like what Stinkerbelle does with her play make-up. *shaking my head* Ready to wear. Uh, I don't think so.

More youth sports funnies

videoMore funnies from the youth baseball complex. Here, even Hot Rod is getting into the action of being goofy. He was at first base. This time, you can see the right fielder doing his own version of a cup check, I guess. That is AoD hollering at some kid to back up during the video.

videoThis is a shot of the boys on the other team being goofy. I missed the one with the left fielder lying down. That one was hilarious. I think you can see the coach struggling here with pitching. Looks like he's throwing darts at a carnival to me.

What's that buzzing in my pants?

Get your mind out of the gutter.

It would seem that I suffer from this condition of thinking you feel your phone vibrating, when it isn't. I do this ALL the time. I have a habit of sticking my cell phone in my pants/shorts pocket because, more often than not, I feel the vibration of the phone before I ever hear the ringtone (which is White and Nerdy by Weird Al).

I know there are people who would make comments about me feeling something vibrating in my pants and how I must be accustomed to the sensation. To those people I say, well, uh, what I mean is ... oh, never mind.

Happy Birthday Little Bit

Celebrating five years of life today, my sweet Little Bit happily went to preschool knowing that she will have a party with her friends there this afternoon. To say she is excited is an understatement. She got some Mickey Mouse hair clips and a Minnie Mouse shirt this morning and wanted to wear them to school. I have a feeling I will have to break down and tell the kids about the Disney World trip in a few days. We're getting too close to avoid it any longer, I think.

Anyway, I digress. Happy Birthday Little Bit. You have been such a blessing in my life. You are a treasure that is beyond comprehension and my life is richer for having you in it.

10.11.2007

Out in left field

video Our poor little sad coach pitch team has its very own A-Rod. Ok, not really, but sort of. The kid's name is actually Alex Rodriguez, but the name association is as far as it goes toward the two being alike in regard to baseball. Normally, I don't post names here, but this one is really worth the association. Look in left field and watch this kid. He goes from taking his glove off to jacking around with his hat. He is doing intepretive dance at one point, I think, and taking a squat at another moment. The small pleasures of youth sports. video

10.09.2007

Back up the outfield

Hot Rod actually has a t-shirt that reads "Back up the Outfield," so this video is appropriate. This was his third at bat for the evening. He went 3 for 3. The second at bat, he jacked a triple to right field. So, this time, the coach came out and told his outfielders to back the hell up. Ok, he didn't word it like that, but you get the idea. See the Longhorn coach behind Army of Dad, who is coaching third? Yeah, that's the one.

I have more videos, but also have a deadline, so I'll stop here for tonight. video

Just call me A-Mom

Stolen from Missing J.T. Snow:

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet, current car) J.J. Sedona
2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (favorite ice cream, favorite cookie) Birthday Cake Pecan Chocolate Chip
3. YOUR FLY “GUY/GIRL” NAME: (first initial first name, first 3 letters last name) A-Mom
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal) Green Penguin
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born) Of Fort Worth
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (first 3 letters last name, first 2 letters first name) Momar
7. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink and add” the”) The Blue Bellini
8. NASCAR NAME: (first names of your grandfathers) Theodore Jess
9. STRIPPER NAME: (favorite perfume, favorite candy) Tommy Girl Mr. Goodbar
10. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s and father’s middle names) Carol Raymond

Mood music

I'm trying to beat the clock and wrap up a total of six stories by tomorrow. I just finished one and should complete the second (due today) this afternoon. The other four are due tomorrow, but I won't be around to write them. So, I will be pulling an all-nighter this evening.

But, as far as the Deftones goes ... I friggin love this song. It just exudes sex. This guy - while he looks like a serial killer - has the sexiest voice on the planet. The video is pretty gross, but again, I listen to the song without watching the video. Now, I'm a bit distracted from the manufacturing outlook of 2008 story. *sigh*

10.08.2007

Who ya gonna vote for?

There are a few sites that help figure out which candidate your political beliefs are most like. I'm not surprised but one of them matched me with Mitt Romney and the other with Fred Thompson. Right now, I'm leaning toward my man, Fred.

The Candidate Calculator was found at it comes in pints. And, both my friend, Chad, and my mother-in-law sent me the link to the Select a Candidate quiz.

So ... which candidate did you match most?

A redneck birthday dinner

videoIt is a tradition in our home to take each child out to the restaurant of his or her choice for a birthday celebration dinner. The boys tend to pick Hooter's. Little Bit, whose birthday is actually on Friday, said she wanted Hooter's, too, but I think she just wanted someone to sing to her. She has been eyeballing the saddle at Texas Roadhouse and I have seen them bring it out for birthday people to sit on while getting a big ol' birthday yeehaw. So, I thought this was a winner for us. She loved it. We had planned to take her out on her birthday Friday, but a referee assignor begged AoD to work for him Friday night and Hot Rod's soccer coach scheduled a last minute practice on Friday. So, tonight was our night for dinner together.

AoD went to a soccer match and a hockey game broke out

This is a picture of my beloved Army of Dad reffing a girls' soccer game back in August. Fortunately, the girls are pretty easy to keep in check. However, the same can't be said for what happened to him Sunday night. Bless his heart. He called me about a hour before I expected to hear from him. I always fret when I get unexpected calls from him because they are usually A) to tell me he is injured in some fashion or B) he has lost his job. *shrug* Of course, I'm a bit on the paranoid side after getting a few of these kinds of calls from him over the years at unexpected times. So, he called last night early and proceeded to tell me how these men in this soccer game were playing a little rough, but he was keeping it under control as the center referee. Then, some guy jumps for a ball and knees the keeper in the face. The keeper is covered in blood and comes up to pound the dude who hit him. Some spectator comes rushing in from the sidelines, players are taking off their shirts and a baseball-style bench-clearing brawl ensued. Cops were nearby and came over to help get the situation under control.

Scary stuff. Although, I don't think anything has freaked me out as much as when some WT *think about the acronym* woman threatened to burn our house down because she was mad at AoD when he reffed her kid's soccer game a few years back. That was really scary. Our town isn't tiny, but it is still pretty much a small town, so it wouldn't be that hard for her to find us.

Another ref incident, not with AoD reffing, but one in which I tried to protect the center ref during a game I was coaching wound up with AoD being threatened. We had a parent (who happens to be a cop) threaten AoD because I told the parent to stop yelling at a referee (who was a middle school age kid). He told me I couldn't tell him what to do and I explained that, as the coach, I was considered responsible for the behavior of the players AND the parents. So, the parent decided to call AoD and threaten him for my behavior and because AoD was backing me up on what I told him. *shaking my head*

People get really scary over something as simple as a game. I know I hate to lose and can get pretty upset about things, but I just can't imagine getting violent toward another person. The only thing I can think of that would do that to me would be if someone was hurting my child. Then, I think I have it in me

10.07.2007

Don't leave me this way

I never knew this song was a remake of an old Thelma Houston song until I got a CD compilation of one-hit wonders today. I loved the song, but honestly, back in the 80s I never knew it was a guy singing most of it. Oops. Enjoy.

It's coming right for us!

video After a year of not getting to play soccer, Hot Rod is back at it and loving it. He scored four goals and had an assist today in two games. Woo hoo. He was very proud of himself and he did it without totally wiping people out. I was impressed.

video

Then, there is this one where the ball comes right at me. Cracked me up. He played some great soccer today. He lit it up on offense and kicked tail on defense, too. I had to laugh at him using his butt to block out that girl. I used to do that in basketball. I'd go up for a rebound and come down, stick out my big ol' butt and block out. *shrug* He comes by it honestly. Our little team has come a LONG way since the beginning of the season. They're starting to get the hang of the indoor pitch and they're starting to win. That is always fun. The boys played their first game and then the indoor facility's folks asked our boys if they wanted to stay and play the girls, so they got to play a second game. They whooped those poor girls 18-1.

10.06.2007

Back on American Soil

Thank the Good Lord above: Staff Sgt. Rob Rob the Heart Throb is back in Hawaii with his family after a 15-month tour in Iraq (his second one-year-plus tour there). And, in typical Army fashion, he arrived home earlier this week and instead of getting to go to his step-son's soccer game today, he had to work on an SLR for returning soldiers. *sigh*

But, he is back and in the arms of his new bride.

The Good Stuff

I may complain and bitch and moan and groan ... but, I've got the Good Stuff.

Till Death or Fantasy Football Do We Part

*sigh*

Every season it happens. This year, it is Week 5. Army of Dad and I face each other in fantasy football. His team has been putting the smack down on everyone this season until he faced a team with Tony Romo.

Me, on the other hand, I've sucked some major ass. I usually make it to the playoffs every year until last year. This year, I've just done some of the dumbest things a fantasy owner can do. I dropped Marion Barber, first off. *I heard that collective moan from the readers* But, it gets better. Then, I dropped Donald Driver.

Yeah, I know. Stupid. I blame it on the chick genes and relinquish my honorary man card.

Let's just up the ante, too, and mention that I have Travis Henry on my fantasy team, too. Great. He is likely going to be gone for pissing hot. I have Stephen Jackson to strut his cute little ass around on the sidelines, too.

*sigh*

I'm going down like a slut on prom night. And, man, I hate losing, but I REALLY hate losing to my old man. We are WAY too competitive with each other.

My man meme

Without hesitation, I had to jump on the Just Us Autries meme.

1. Who is your Man?
Army of Dad
2. How long have you been together?
In March, we will have been married 10 years.
3. How long dated? one year
4. How old is your man? 31 *hubba hubba* I'll be 39 in November.
5. Who eats more? Depends. I can put it away, as is evidenced by my ample ass.
6. Who said, "I love you" first?
Probably me.
7. Who is taller? definitely him at 5'10
8. Who sings better? Probably him. I love it when he sings to the radio.
9. Who is smarter? He would say him. He has more common sense and weird Cliff Clavin type knowledge.
10. Whose temper is worse? Oh sweet Lord. His is much worse than mine overall - especially if it involves some sort of sporting event he is emotionally invested in. Me when it comes to something like the kids.
11. Who does the laundry? the laundry gnomes. I thought everyone had them at their home.
12. Who takes out the garbage? The boys and me. Depends on if I remember to remind them. I usually help them, though.
13. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? Well, when we're in it, he is on the right side of the bed. If you were standing at the foot of the bed and being a voyeur, I am on the right. ;)
14. Who pays the bills? He makes most of the money and I actually write the checks.
15. Who is better with the computer? Ha ha. He used to be an IT guy and my standing joke is that my computer works b/c I sleep with my IT guy.
16. Who mows the lawn? We both do
17. Who cooks dinner? Him if I'm lucky. He is a better cook. On weekends, he typically cooks. I cook on the weekdays.
18. Who drives when you are together? me, if I can help it. But, him when we're on dates. Tends to depend on whose car we take. I drive the minivan, he drives the Neon.
19. Who pays when you go out? depends on if I spent all our money on bills.
20. Who is most stubborn? totally depends, but I'm saying him. I can't see him argue with this one, but he might.
21. Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? Wrong? What is this word, wrong? We're never wrong. One reason why we fight. :) Honestly, I will admit when I'm wrong.
22. Whose parents do you see the most? mine, they live an hour away. His are in Florida.
23. Who kissed who first? *blushing* He kissed me first.
24. Who asked who out? Well, I think it was a given that we were going out after we met. :)
25. Who proposed? I think we were just talking and decided to get married. Then, later he actually proposed to me. On Valentine's Day.
26. Who is more sensitive? AoD? Sensitive? ROTFLMAO. I'm more sensitive.
27. Who has more friends? Me
28. Who has more siblings? He does. A brother, a sister and a half-sister. I just have my brother.
29. Who wears the pants in the family? He does. I mean, come on ... look at manly man here.
Anyone else wanna play? Comment and let me know about it.

10.05.2007

I'm doing this again???

Well, it was just about a month ago, Sept. 10 to be precise, when I hosted Pickle's birthday party at the house. It was his 13th birthday and I figured the last formal party he'll likely have. Probably in the future, it will be one or two friends at Putt Putt or something similar. So, we tried to make it a fun one. Kids this age try to be cool, but most of them are still just kids and Pickle has friends who are just as goofy as he is - as evidenced by the motley group here. To try and eat some time, we had a jump contest on the trampoline. Hot Rod did the madman first off with the water gun.
My "other" son, J, did a twisty flip, which was pretty impressive. I was just concerned he'd snap his neck and I'd have to tell his mom.
Pickle did a School of Rock thing here. It was actually pretty cool, too.
And, I'm planning on posting this one larger than life at J and Little Bit's marriage in about 20 years. Won't they have gorgeous children? I think it would be perfect. I love this kid and could keep him in the family if he married Stinkerbelle. Hmm, I wonder about arranged marriages these days?
And, Pickle's best pal of 'em all: Q. He insists she is not his girlfriend, but look at that mesmerized expression on her face as he regales her with some goofy tale of anime. He had "Viking Day" at school today and said he spent most of it hanging out with Q. I'm sure you did. :)
Here is the gang after the Darth Vader pinata was destroyed. Notice the helmet that remained on Pickle's head. And, the big stick in the grumpy kid's hand on the far right, that was some tube that a bolt of fabric was on. AoD spray painted it to look like a light saber. Aren't we clever? :)
And, so, today, I'm doing it all over again with an unknown amount of 4- and 5-year-olds for Stinkerbelle's 5th birthday. I love how no one RSVPs anymore. It is most definitely a lost art and I assume that I am one of the last people who actually does it. I know of at least four kids whose moms have said they're coming. So, that is a start, I suppose. Wish me luck. My semi-annual case of bronchitis has occurred and, while I'm feeling better overall, I have no voice. Zero. Zilch. Nada. No voice whatsoever. Since my mom is still having to be cautious and no yelling and there will be no LabKat at this party, I guess I'll have to get AoD more involved to yell at the kids to direct the flow of the party. Heck, this might be nice, for a change, to be a little less involved.