As the bowel turns

No one will ever accuse me of having an elitist blog with titles like this one.

But, it has happened for the third or fourth time in my 37 years of existence. I'm clogged up *if you know what I mean* and I'm hating life.

I had such bad pain in my lower left groin that I spent Valentine's evening at the gynecologist's office getting an exam because I thought I had an ovarian cyst that was rupturing. Turns out that my bowels are inflamed and irritated. Yippee.

So, the doc tells me to get regular again and if the pain is still there after my next period, we'll do a sonogram. For now, I'm doing AoM's version of colonics. I asked the pharmacist for the best laxative and he said good old milk of magnesia is the cheapest and most effective.

CVS brand of Milk of Magnesia with mint flavoring. *ptooey* Although the mint is better than the regular shit (bad pun, sorry). Instructions for dosage say 2 to 4 tablespoons once a day. Don't exceed that. Who in their right mind would WANT to drink any more than that? Ok, if the cramping gets much worse, yeah, I can down the bottle for relief. But, ewwwwww. Just by the way, if you spill a few drops of this stuff on your skin, it looks like, er, something else that is much more pleasurable to get on you. But, I digress.

Now, the coup de gras of my colon blow: the generic bran flakes.

Mix in lots of water and shake. Voila! I hope to be spending Thursday evening in the restroom catching up on my reading. Oh yeah, and not cramping and being bloated anymore, too. That would be nice. I'd rather go back to talking to other moms about our preschoolers BMs and not mine. You sort of take it for granted until you can't do it right anymore.