Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.

10.26.2004

Feminism be damned

I'm one of those women that make men incredibly frustrated.

I'm intelligent and educated. I believe I have every right in the world to be able to vote, speak my opinion and get paid the same amount of money as a man for doing the same amount and quality of work. That said, I'm also a Southern woman who believes that men should open the door for me, make the first move and pay for dinner.

I believe that men should make the living and women should raise the children. Yet, working together is crucial to creating a happy marriage. If I have to be the bread winner, I can do it. I've done it before. Army of Dad and I disagree over many things involving gender roles. Many of these issues cause me to climb onto one side of the fence one moment and back to the other side the next. I don't always have a good reason or logic for feeling the way I do. It is all about being a woman. On the whole, we're ruled by emotions. I know I most certainly am.

I waver on topics like women in combat or flying fighter jets. On one hand, I don't see any reason why a woman who is capable shouldn't be able to do it if she wants to. On the other hand, I can see how it might be sort of hard to be stealthy or discreet when you have to change a tampon in a tank with a couple of guys.

But, more than issues like that, one thing that really pisses me off when it comes to being a member of the fairer sex is being smaller and weaker. I like the protection Army of Dad offers me. But, guess what? He isn't with me 24/7. Being home alone with my kids at night can be scary. Being alone anywhere with my kids can be scary. (that can be taken two ways and one is really funny when you think about it *wink*)

When I'm in charge of protecting my children, I'm a much tougher person. That mama bear mentality kicks in. When I'm alone, it is very different. I feel sort of sorry for men in a way because if I feel vulnerable and I see you coming, I think the worst. Going to the post office in the middle of the night has me constantly looking over my shoulder and around corners, plotting the quickest way out and mentally preparing myself to fight. In the parking lot of the grocery store. At the gas station. At a red light. Even in an elevator alone with a man. We envision the worst case scenario. Fight or flight kicks in. Women have to be vigilant if we don't want to be victims. If I am anything - it is NOT a victim.

I read Mrs. DuToit at the urging of Army of Dad and literally I began to cry. Not just a little tear in the corner of my eye, but full-fledged bawling. This woman pegged it. Fear. Constant fear. She absolutely described the way I feel whenever I go anywhere alone. You can’t help it. You have to be super-alert to the dangers around you. I used to carry a knife with me as a teenager when I worked late at the movie theater and I remember thinking, Dear God, the bad guy has to be really close to me before I can even defend myself. And, you know who gave me the knife and told me how to use it? My mother. She, too, knows the fears that we face daily.

I’m not a big gun enthusiast, personally, but over the years I have contemplated getting a CHL and learning how to shoot. I have finally learned how to shoot. Now, I'm debating on taking that next step. I really don't want to, but I honestly don't know how I could feel safe if I don't. I no longer have the fear of touching a gun. As a matter of fact, it was pretty fun to shoot. I just don't like feeling like a victim and with my upcoming surgeries, I'm going to be even more vulnerable. I don't think most men understand that feeling of always looking over your shoulder worried that the boogey-man is going to jump out and get you at any moment and you can't fight back. Maybe next time some woman locks her car doors when she sees you waiting to cross the street, you won't feel so irritated. We're just doing the only thing we know to protect ourselves. Maybe I found something new to make me feel secure. Mrs. DuToit's post gives me hope that I, too, can feel that power.

11 Comments:

  • At 7:23 AM, October 26, 2004, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    ...and you will. Absolutely no question about it. The only woman I've ever met who was still afraid (after shooting for the first time) had a history of bad things concerning guns -- relatives shot by other relatives, and so on.

    Most women become eagles.

    I'm betting that you'll be the latter.


    Kim du Toit

     
  • At 12:13 PM, October 26, 2004, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Its so reasuring to me to know that I am not alone. I love being independent and doing my own things, but I also love when the men in my life take care of me. I don't need them to, but it makes me feel valuable.

    I go to college (currently a sophmore at Purdue studying history education). Our campus is pretty safe, but I still walk very quickly and look over my shoulder at the slightest noise. I never take the same way home twice, never know if someones been paying attention to your schedule.

    Lately the feminazis have been prowling around campus, making men feel terrible for being nice to women. Next semester, I'm stuck taking a 'Womens studies' course, and I'm dragging a conservative guy with me so that he can hold me back. =)

    Thank you AoM. I love reading your blog, and my prayers are with you and your family. Keep up the good work.
    ~Alli

     
  • At 3:26 PM, October 26, 2004, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    Glad to see a young woman starting off way more knowledgeable and self-aware than I was when I was in college. I believed that feminazi bullshit when I was in college (except for the door opening thing and paying for my dinners, I'm a Southern Belle after all).

     
  • At 3:55 PM, October 26, 2004, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I thought the feminazi bs had merit until i met one of them. they tried to tell me that i should support abortion b/c it means i can have pointless obligation free sex like the guys. *rolls eyes* What a f---ed up thought process.

     
  • At 6:41 PM, October 26, 2004, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    Far be it for a woman to take responsibility for her actions by using BIRTH CONTROL before getting knocked up. Geesus. The thought processes of some people just amaze me.

     
  • At 11:28 PM, October 26, 2004, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    yea, well, the people on my campus shock me because of their lack of thought process. i go to the best engineering school in the world and ranked in the top ten for MBAs and management and i've seen people walk in front of 80' buses. i shit you not. on bikes and skateboards and on foot just walking right in front of buses.
    its ridiculous. social darwinism is not working very well.
    ~Alli

     
  • At 3:51 PM, October 27, 2004, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey, nice Ruger. Mk2? I love mine. You can shoot it until it's filthy and then some. It'll put all the rounds in a nickle-sized hole, stock, from fifty feet.

    Tends to rust, though. I may Parkerize mine.

     
  • At 9:05 PM, October 27, 2004, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Actually I borrowed it from a buddy. It gets filthy everytime we shoot it and keeps on going bang!

    Army of Dad

     
  • At 11:38 PM, October 27, 2004, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    i'm currently trying to get my friend to teach me how to shoot, hes a gun nut, and i say that in the most loving way. lets hope it works out. =D ~alli

     
  • At 7:21 AM, October 28, 2004, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    Good luck with getting to the range to shoot. It was one of the best things I have done. I was absolutely terrified of guns and used to be one of those pro-gun control kind of people. Now, I see what is involved in shooting and it isn't as scary as it was before. I know it takes more than what my children's little fingers could do -I have feared that they could shoot easily and that isn't the case. It also made my understand why AoD is always buying so much ammunition. Good luck. You'll feel empowered when you do it. Let me know how it goes.

     
  • At 12:36 PM, October 28, 2004, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Alli if you really want to shoot, email AoM and I will pass it on to Kim du Toit. You can also email him yourself kim-at-kimdutoit.com

    His site has a huge readership and many have volunteered to take people out shooting for the first time. He may very well have a volunteer in your area.

    Army of Dad

     

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