Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.

9.22.2005

Life sucks

I haven't blogged about it earlier because I figure no one wants to hear about the shit in my life. I mean, I know how I feel sometimes about people whining on their blogs. I think, gees, people. Suck it up. There are people with REAL problems out there.

But, my problems are real to me and shitty to me.

Apparently, I'm a dumb broad when it comes to operating a motor vehicle. I didn't notice all the obvious signs that shout YOUR CAR IS FUCKED UP, GO GET IT HELP!!!! I didn't notice the puddle under the car. I didn't notice the car was running hot until the alarm started going off. By that time, apparently, the damage was done. I'm an idiot when it comes to cars. Plain and simple. I feel like I'm doing pretty good that I have the oil changed around every 3,000 miles give or take.

So, now we're out more money and I'm in the doghouse with my husband. He is very detail oriented and doesn't understand how I could let this happen. Doesn't help that my job ends next week and along with it ends my pay.

I'm working on lining up some telecommuting jobs, but pay is spotty and irregular with those sorts of jobs. Today, I also realized that the dentist had two "phases" of dental work for me to have done. I thought they were doing all of it at the same time, so I only made one appointment. I wondered why I only had two fillings and the crown done instead of five fillings. Then, I found the treatment plan and saw it. Fortunately, they got me in for next week, so I can get them done while I still have dental insurance.

I just feel like shit tonight. Have felt this way all day. On the upside, the sick-to-my-stomach feeling helps with my diet. I have been doing really good on it. Cutting back my portions and eliminating the junk and in-between stuff and I am feeling better physically. I hope to do some walking around the neighborhood once I am home all the time and I bet that will help the weight fall off. Whenever I have exercised regularly in the past, I typically an drop up to 20 pounds in a month. That will be good.

I just feel like a crummy wife. I feel like I blew it with the car. I'm overweight. I just don't feel like I do anything well. I guess I feel like more than a crummy wife. I feel like a crummy mother, a crummy friend, a crummy daughter ... I'm having to mooch off my friends to help get rides for my kids, borrow their cars ... I'm so blessed to have the friends that I do. I don't know what I'd do without them.

Just a side note, Wil Wheaton has a post about how much he loves his friends and his wife and how he has been in a funk ... but his entry is titled Life is Good. Irony.

Bank to my tangent, maybe it is stupid, maybe it shows I'm weak, but the whole blog fiasco has really hurt my feelings. I had no intention of pissing off a group of bloggers that I had admired. Now, I'm on their shit list and I have the trolls getting good and nasty with me. I know I should care less, but I'm human and I'm emotional and I don't want to deal with it. Wish I could crawl up in a fetal position until everything is better. I feel the worst for letting Army of Dad down. I love him more than life itself and all I do is disappoint him.

Sorry to be a bummer toinght. I imagine I'll be on an upswing later. God, it has got to look up soon. I've been in a funk for a few weeks now.

18 Comments:

  • At 9:32 PM, September 22, 2005, Anonymous Kathy said…

    Hey Miss Ma'am...
    Sorry you are feeling so gunky.

    We'll keep you in our prayers and send good vibes your way.

     
  • At 9:48 PM, September 22, 2005, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    Thanks babe, appreciate the prayers. I could make all kinds of sick jokes about sending me "vibes." But, I'll refrain. :)

    I'm waiting for the mean old trolls to be nasty to me now. Of course, I feel like Eeyore with the dark cloud following me around everywhere I go right now. At least I'm not having to evacuate my home or get stuck in the car (if it were running) on I-45 with all three kids getting frustrated. So, there are some things to be thankful for (among many others.)

     
  • At 10:58 PM, September 22, 2005, Anonymous Lab Kat said…

    *hugs*

    I shall refrain from trying to bang into your head that you are not a crummy mom or wife.

    How about a gallon of ice cream?

     
  • At 11:59 PM, September 22, 2005, Blogger Uzz said…

    Trust me...you are not a bad mom or wife!!! Your kids and husband adore you and their lives would be seriously out of whack without your stable guidance. Seriously...the one thing you did for me while we were married was to attempt to keep me somewhat on track...we all know my mind tends to wander from one moment to the next, but I always felt a bit more stable with you around. So stop beating yourself up!!!

    I can commiserate with you when it comes to the car...I did the exact same thing to the old red Celica...may she rest in peace.

     
  • At 8:35 AM, September 23, 2005, Anonymous Tinkerbobbi said…

    I have commented here before on how I love your site. My husband told me I needed to read it today. I think I posted something just like it at 6:00 in the morning and said how I felt like a raging scribble. I have to admit when I saw you actually had a moving scribble on your site it made me laugh out loud. I hope you are beginning to feel better. I know I was feeling exactly the same way today, the whole I am a crappy mom,wife thing I can't seem to get my house straigt nor find the motivation. I know how you feel but I am sure you are a most amazing mother and wife. So hang in there the funk will blow over for all of us hopefully. Thanks for posting this I don't feel so alone.

     
  • At 9:09 AM, September 23, 2005, Blogger Army Wife said…

    I am having a similar week....

    I am trying to remember that this week will make me appreciate next week.

     
  • At 9:40 AM, September 23, 2005, Blogger Gadfly said…

    AoD can be a bit of a perfectionist. Take it in stride. This is the ugly side of the coin. The other side is that you know you can always depend on him no matter what. He's a solid guy.

    Ease up on yourself for Christ's sake. We all think you're wonderful.

    Interestingly, LabKat is 100% the other way with her vehicles.
    "It has a thing and it didn't have it before."
    "A thing?"
    "Yes. When I'm driving, sometimes I feel a thing. What is that?"
    "Iyyyyaaaa... A thing you say?"
    "Yes! A definite thing, with the way it feels."
    "Maybe ... uh ... the tires need to be rotated?"

    Apologize to AoD for me. We sucked last night. That's twice he's been out for trivia and both times we just blew chunks. *sigh* He did pretty well.

     
  • At 10:04 AM, September 23, 2005, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    Ice cream is the last thing my fatass needs. Ironically enough, it is the last thing I want, too. Scary, huh? I'm focused on dropping some weight. But, thanks for the offer, I'll take the hugs.

    ArmyMom and Tinkerbobbi - I think we all get in these funks in from to time and I know it will pass. I just hate getting this way. I usually get low and get right on back to normal in a day or two, but not this time. I suspect it has to do with all the changes that are happening and will happen in the next month or so. Anxiety gets to me big time.

    And, thanks Uzz.

    Gadfly - yes, AoD and I have high standards for ourselves and for one another. We don't typically cut each other any slack in that respect, so we have a hard time forgiving ourselves when we royally screw up and this time I royally screwed up. On the bright side, it appears I didn't fuck up the engine after all and I'm about to go get my car.

     
  • At 10:23 AM, September 23, 2005, Anonymous Lab Kat said…

    AoM: How about a buttery nipple?

    *looks around*

    The DRINK, people! Yeesh...

    Gadfly: I don't remember having a "thing".

     
  • At 10:26 AM, September 23, 2005, Blogger Gadfly said…

    fishstick

     
  • At 12:27 PM, September 23, 2005, Anonymous skywind said…

    Let's see, we have drinks and comfort food already covered, and plenty of hugs. Guess I'm too late to tell you things will get better. But they will. Been there, done that "bad mom" thing myself, and I've also managed to kill a car 200 miles from home on a rainy Friday night, with no one to come get me, either. Anyway, I'm sending good thoughts your way.

     
  • At 12:27 PM, September 23, 2005, Blogger Donna B. said…

    *hugs* from here too.

     
  • At 3:44 PM, September 23, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    suck it up, c'mon man...

    signed,

    the Cotillion

     
  • At 5:25 PM, September 23, 2005, Anonymous Alli said…

    I like the Eeyore comparision up there. It fits me lately too. The upswing will happen, until then just remember that your friends and family love you. Even those of us on the blog care about you. Everything will work out.

    take care and God bless.
    -Alli

     
  • At 6:03 PM, September 23, 2005, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    heehee
    Thanks Cotillion. I knew I could count on you for those words of wisdom.

    Thanks, too, Alli. ;)

     
  • At 10:38 PM, September 23, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Anytime, whatever I can do to lift your spirits.

    signed,

    the Cotillion

     
  • At 11:23 PM, September 23, 2005, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    Thanks so much. Your graciousness is almost too hard to believe.

     
  • At 10:48 PM, September 27, 2005, Blogger North Dallas Thirty said…

    Love ya, AoM......always a sympathetic ear here who thinks you're pretty darn cool.

     

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