Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.


Joys of parenthood

Phone rings and I recognize the number on the caller ID as being that of the school nurse. Not sure which is worse - her calling or the fact that she calls enough that I recognize her phone number.

Nurse: AoM, this is Nurse B from the elementary school.
AoM: *taking a deep breath* Hi. What happened this time?
Nurse: *chuckling* Well, I'm not sure how to say it, but Pickle told his teacher that his 'balls were hurting.' *breaking out into uproarious laughter*
AoM: *crawling under a chair in embarrassment* Well, hmm. Guess he couldn't pick a more illustrious way to spell that out.
Nurse: *still laughing* We just thought you'd get a kick out of that.
AoM: Yeah, a kick. I imagine what probably happened is that he's itchy from not scrubbing that area well. I'll talk to him again about cleaning better in the shower. We've had to talk to him about this before and AoD explained to him what happens to guys when they dont' use good hygiene.
Nurse: Ok, well let me know what happens because I wasn't going to check him there. Told his teacher that was a job for his mom!
AoM: Sure thing. Thanks for calling.

*deep sigh*

Explained to my child that there may be better, more discreet ways of communicating with his teacher that he is experiencing phsyical discomfort such as saying, may I see the nurse? or if he requires more information first, telling her that his privates hurt or even saying testicles or scrotum. Child looked at me blankly and replied "ok." Then, I went back into the further explanation of scrubbing with soap and water and even demonstrated what it might look like if I had a scrotum *the lifting of the sac up to wash under it, etc* I'm sure that was a sight. So, with cleaning instructions in place, he was told to inform me in two or three days if the issue isn't better and then we'll go see the doctor *who happens to be a female.* How is that for incentive for the 11-year-old to cure the problem on his own?


  • At 10:41 AM, November 30, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You had me laughing so hard my boss came down the hall to check on's just hilarious!

    Maybe I should have a kid...I need comic relief. ( not the best reasons to have children but probably not the worst!)

  • At 11:20 AM, November 30, 2005, Blogger Gadfly said…


    I suspect it's hard to take yourself too seriously when you have to pretend to have a scrotum as a teaching aid for your son's hygiene.

    I knew this super churchy woman out west and her son whacked his little nuggets in a bicycle wreck. She was having a women's bible group and the little boy came in crying and demanded that she kiss them to make them all better! I would have given a hundred bucks to see her face.

  • At 11:56 AM, November 30, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Ah, the sweet innocence. [chuckling]

    You know... Stick this little gem away, and one day in the future you can use it to embarrass him in front of his girlfriends.
    J/K, of course, and I know you'd never do that... nay, nay!

    But the threat of it... now that has its possible uses... hehe. ;)

  • At 2:04 PM, November 30, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Well we might not use this one gem, but we have many many others, even without using pictures!

  • At 10:37 AM, December 01, 2005, Blogger North Dallas Thirty said…

    Oh lawzy, AoM, the thought of you demonstrating how to clean a scrotum......(wiping tears of laughter from his eyes).

  • At 5:15 PM, December 01, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I was not embarrassed at all. I was trying to keep from laughing. However, when he first said it he was talking to an aide( not the usual one) and she turned bright red and responded well that does not stop you from writing and walked off!! Then about 30 minutes later and the LSSP came in and he had asked to go to the bathroom, she said"Hi Pickle, how are you ?" and he said my balls hurt! I fell off the desk I was sitting on and had to leave the room (laughing so hard).Her face was priceless,and she was calling after me don't leave. It was great. Most fun I have had in a while. MOT

  • At 9:27 PM, December 01, 2005, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    Yes yes ... all of you laugh at my pain. Nothing is more embarrassing than the nurse calling *bursting into fits of laughter* at my son's proclamation.

    I could still just die.


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