Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.


Anxiety - not always a bad thing

Nothing like anxiety to motivate you to stay busy so you can't think about what is bugging you. My kitchen is clean. My laundry is washed. My children ate a good healthy meal last night and I'm getting all kinds of work done on my story assignments.

My brave face is about to collapse, though. There are only so many times I can smile, nod my head and say, yes, yes, you're right. I'll be fine. I was okay and not worrying about the  call until everyone and their dog called and emailed Wednesday to ask if I heard from the doctor's office yet on my biopsy results. The doctor said if I hadn't heard by Thursday, to call them. Oh, that is reassuring. Thanks doc. But, they did say we may know something by Wednesday or Thursday. Regardless ... now that it is Thursday, the anxiety is mounting. My shoulders and my arms feel heavy, almost dead. I feel like a cattle prod is inserted in my chest - it almost stings - and feels heavy, too, as if someone is sitting on it.

Combine the anxiety with my "new eating lifestyle" (I don't say diet because I'm trying to change the way I eat permanently) and I'm about to curl up in the corner and suck my thumb or something. But, that would probably make me hungrier. All of my life, when the going got tough - the tough either went shopping or to get an ice cream or cookies or .... you get the picture. So, I'm doubly on edge. Not only am I stressed, but I'm having to learn a new way to cope with it without depending on food for comfort. This is where the blog is coming in handy. I forgot how good it feels to write for ME.  This is my way of coping. Ok, it is a pretty public way of doing it, but on the other hand, it allows my friends a new insight into me and knowing why I do some of the dumbass cockamamey (how the hell do you spell that?) shit that I do. *shrug*

So, keep on praying for me. That is always good. And, feel free to ask me if the doctor has called yet. But rest assured, I'll tell you when I hear something. I promise. When have I ever NOT told you just about everything including stuff you DON'T want to know?


  • At 8:35 PM, July 29, 2004, Blogger Uzz said…

    Hello Tonie...My name is Paxil and I am good...I make anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder float away:-)


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