Kerry's plan to find Bin Laden

*giggling*

Just finished reading Lileks today and this was how he finsished his post-Halloween entry

*giggling*

I am certain Bin Laden fears a Kerry presidency more than a Bush second term. He knows – and I think we all know this – that Kerry would summon in the military guys, and say “I want you to find bin Laden.”

Uh – sir, I don’t quite –

"I mean it. Find him. "

You mean, find him? Why – such a thing has never been considered, sir; we’ve just been waiting for him to wander into camp looking for directions, or perhaps to use the bathroom. That whole Abu Ghraib thing - well as you no doubt know, we were just trying to provoke him to set his ol' beard on fire and run screaming into camp waving a big-ass scimitar, and then we'd be like all Indy on him and pow! Pow! But it never worked out. We never even had a Plan B. Find him? You serious? This is so totally unexpected! You mean, actually go try and get him?

That’s exactly what I mean. And I have a plan.

Sir?

I want you to go here –

Where, exactly? Your hand is covering all of Afghanistan and northern Pakistan on the map –

That’s right. I want you to go here, and I want you to look for him. And when you see him, get him.

Is that the plan, sir?

No, there’s more. See this? I’ve drawn a blue line, making a wide new river to his exact position. Send the Navy.

Uh – yes. Yes of course sir. Anything else, sir?

Yes. Take this hat. If he’s invisible, you’ll see him – but only if you have the hat on. Now find him!

(my point being not that Kerry is a Jack D. Ripper nutball, but that I think, just maybe, perhaps, we have been trying to find him, and simply saying "I will find him" is like saying "I will send Americans to the Moon" when NASA has already built the Saturn V gantry.)