Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.


Monday morning blahs

Feeling pretty sad and pathetic this morning. Army of Dad left before the sun came up - not all that unusual - but this time he was heading for the airport and a business trip to Atlanta. Worst part was that we didn't get along just great on Sunday. Mr. Type A, his other alias, gets a bit worked up before undertaking a task (in this case, preparing to go work in Atlanta) and he gets pissy. Well, he likes to snap at people when he's pissy, so everything I said yesterday hit him wrong. Even though I know that he is stressed about leaving, it still causes me to snap back and we wind up in an argument. Just sucks. He went shooting with some friends yesterday to test-fire the new gun he got for the boys. So, I was on my own with the two youngest for much of the day. I'm starting to PMS, which doesn't help.

This morning I awoke about 7:30 to the sounds of the garbagemen picking up the trash. AoD took it out before he left, so that was good. I don't think I could manage to get it down to the curb while limping pathetically on the crutches. Plus, our house is at the top of an incline, so I don't think I'm skilled enough to get up and down it. Plus, we had LOTS of trash after Christmas. Probably three times as much trash as we normally have. Our recycling bin is already filled to the top, too.

This is really pathetic. I have found that it is easier to crawl up the stairs than to even attempt to climb them with the crutches. Once upstairs, I just crawl around on all fours like a baby. So, I went up to get the baby. She told me she wanted a fresh diaper and then said "Daddy leave." He made a point of kissing each of them goodbye this morning and she evidently remembered it. It was sweet, but a little melancholy. I crawled to Hot Rod's room and got him some clothes. Each child needed a bath as they hadn't had one in a couple of days. So, we came back downstairs and as I was bathing them, the phone rings. I can't leave them in the tub and even if I could, I couldn't hobble fast enough on my crutches to make it to the phone. I knew it was AoD calling and immediately I got this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach remembering all those voicemails from the passengers on the flights on 9-11 calling loved ones and leaving messages for them. I kept trying to call him back. I knew - logically - that he was simply calling because he was through security and had a minute to talk, but I worried. What if something was wrong on the plane and he was calling me. I kept dialing his phone and getting his voicemail. I finally relaxed and called my voicemail and there was his reassuring voice telling me that he had a minute before he got on the plane and wanted to let me know that all was well and he was departing. *whew*

I talked a bit to Hot Rod about the prospects of me returning to work. He asked if dad was going to stay home to take care of him and I said no, that he'd go to daycare after school. I tried to explain what daycare is a bit to him. He seemed to be taking it all in. A few minutes later, he asked me why I had to go back to work. I don't think he likes this idea too well. I don't think I do either, but I keep trying to tell myself that I'll have adult time without kids under my feet all the time. I'll have money to pay the bills without having to rob Peter to pay Paul. It is only temporary, right? Right. It won't be forever. Just feels like it will be right now.


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