Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.


Sometimes I get that not so fresh feeling

Remember those nasty commercials? Some teenaged girl would be talking to her mom about having a "not so fresh feeling?" Like moms and daughters have conversations like that. I certainly never did. But, then again, I saw the contraptions my mom used to douche with and I thought that I'd grow scabs down there before I used that shit on me.

Ok, as if that wasn't offensive enough - turn back now if you have a weak stomach because it is only going to get worse from here.

I signed up my two youngest for swim lessons, which started tonight. Coincidently, I started tonight, too. Fun. I'm 36 years old and I've never used a tampon. Army of Dad is still sick as a dog, so the option of having him do a 'daddy and me' swim class with Stinkerbelle was really not there. So, off to the Drug Emporium to try and find some tampons without applicators. Every time I've ever tried to use these devices of torture in the past, I wound up injuring myself with the applicator. So, I figure, other things have gone in that orifice before, why couldn't a tampon? I found that OB has ones with no applicator. Of course, it is just my luck that there is only one cashier working in the store and it has to be a 17-year-old boy. Gees Louise. Apple juice, Kool-Aid, Frosted Flakes, tampons. Lovely. At least he didn't have to do a price check and call for it over the PA system.

I get home and I got the damn thing to work. Of course, I felt like I had something shoved up in me - which I did, but it worked. We had our swim lessons and they were great fun. Now, I have to get these two hyped up little fishies into bed. We will do this every Monday and Wednesday for the next three weeks. I'll try and get AoD to take some pictures one day, if possible.


  • At 10:56 PM, February 21, 2005, Blogger francisthegreat said…

    "Like moms and daughters have conversations like that. I certainly never did"

    See, millions of us mushy-headed male youths grew up corrupted, because we all assume that that's precisely what mothers and daughters, in fact all women, talk about when they're alone.

    Next you'll be telling us that late high-school girls don't all go to sleepovers and have pillowfights in their underwear. And frankly, I don't know if that's a world I want to live in.

  • At 6:38 AM, February 22, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I assume the pictures are to be of the kids swimming, right!?

    Army of Dad

  • At 7:43 AM, February 22, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…


    That was my thought too.


  • At 9:31 AM, February 22, 2005, Blogger Gadfly said…

    *Chuckle @ Francis*

    Never let the truth interfere with a good fantasy. *wink*

  • At 10:41 AM, February 22, 2005, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    We never had pillowfights in our panties, but we did go skinny dipping some in the pool at sleepovers. That may be even better for boys to think about, right?

    And, yes, the pictures would be of the children swimming and nothing disgusting.

  • At 2:41 PM, February 22, 2005, Blogger Joan Crawford said…

    I, for one, did have pillowfights as a teenager when I spent the night with my girlfriend...of course, she was a 27 year old bi-sexual stripper and we were very close! :)

    (gotta give something to these boys...but it really is a true story)

  • At 9:26 AM, February 23, 2005, Blogger Gadfly said…

    *pant* *sweat*

  • At 10:15 PM, February 23, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Me likey Joan.

  • At 7:59 PM, February 24, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I was over at one day when the Comments tilted toward this

    I am thinking of ordering one, just because I am tired of trips to the store like you describe.

  • At 10:40 PM, February 24, 2005, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    EWWWWWW, that is just gross. I'm thinking, too, that I would have to supersize my divacup because some months I'm one of those scary individuals that should be lightheaded from the amount of blood loss.

    Do people really use these things?


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