Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.


Honorary man card

I think I've earned my honorary man card. I have been thinking about sex 24/7. I'm not sure exactly what starts it when I get this way, but my hormones get kicked into high gear and I can't seem to focus on other things for very long.

The problem is I look at all kinds of different people and just wonder what they're like in the sack. Not that I want to "do" them, but I just wonder if the lady around the corner is frigid or a maniac. I wonder if the dude down the row from me (who has half a dozen children) must be better in bed than he is in the looks department. I just wonder.

So, this all leads me to wonder, what is it about someone who makes them appealing to others? Women tend to like bad boys, right? I always liked boys with a little bit of danger in them. Army of Dad had such a sweet face and he was preppy. I liked those two things about him. But, then, upon closer inspection I found my danger. He has a big scar on his neck and another on his eyebrow, which makes him look a bit rough. I liked that. Danger.

Anyway. I'm really curious to hear from the guys. I'm actually writing a book (don't laugh) for women to help them understand men. As much as he fusses at me, AoD tells me often that I understand what men are looking for in women (beyond big boobs, blow jobs and waiting on them - I have those down). So, I'm curious if you guys out there would tell me what you find appealing in a woman. If you'd email me or comment here and provide your age, occupation and hometown. I'll give you a false name if I use what you tell me. But, I'm just curious. Are 18-year-olds looking for sluts (Cashin - that one is for you)? Are the 40-year-olds looking for something different or are all you guys just looking for sluts? But, seriously, what is it about a woman that makes it worth the risk of getting shot down? Is it one thing? Many things? Attitude? Smile? Demeanor? Style of dress? Body type? Whatever. I'd like to know what it is. It helps me understand men a little better.

So, if I'm to keep my honorary man card, I need to know these things.


  • At 10:57 PM, March 31, 2005, Blogger Uzz said…

    Hmmm...this should make for an interesting post, since I am the ex-husband, but I will make a go of it:-) I will dispense with the age, occupation and other since you pretty much know!

    OK...I will admit it...I am an oddball. I am not like the "normal" guy...whatever that means...and AoM can attest to the fact that I am slightly left of center...though not politically.

    To be honest, I am not sure there is one thing that catches my eye, but I tend to be attracted to the bookish girls who are a bit shy, but who possess a sharp wit and an eclectic sense of style. I typically date women who are younger than me because they tend to be into the same kind of music and movies that I am into. I do not feel my age and I definitely do not act my age.

    I definitely DO NOT seek out "sluts"...that may make me a prude in the eyes of some...but I DON'T CARE. I look for women who possess a strong moral base and do not compromise when thrown a curve ball. Into today's world, sleeping around can introduce you to AIDS, Hep C, any host of venereal diseases and other lovely byproducts...and cuts both ways...guys who sleep around a lot expose themselves and their "dates" to the same risks. Just because you stick a condom on does not mean you are immune...weird things happen.

    Also...most girls that I have known that sleep around a lot are not the most trustworty lot...I've been bit by that viper before.

    Physically I will say that I prefer smallish height and frame. Does that make me shallow? Probably, but I am being honest, which is part of this exercise. I typically notice big expressive eyes...the better to see you with...and sharp angular facial attributes. I love women with Eastern European features and a hip fashion sense. Cool and nerdy glasses are always a plus!

    All the above things are part of a theoretical sketch, but the SINGLE most important thing to me is whether or not she is a Christian...not a Christian in name...but a Christian in the practical and applicable sense. I am not saying she has to be a religious zealot, but she has to truly believe in good old JC and she must attempt to apply His standards to her daily life. Today's society is steamrolling towards a "if it feels good do it" mantra...sounds great in theory, but let's see how the Greeks and Romans fared once their people started down this road.

    In the area of compatibility, I would say that I am attracted to women who read and who like to talk...about ANYTHING! I like to talk...about EVERYTHING! Whether its politics, music, movies, society or religion, I am ready to talk about it and she better be ready for some opinions from the Uzz!!! I like a woman who can go see a movie like "Amelie" and then discuss it afterwards...that is fun to me!

    I guess I have gone on far too long...I tend to do that. It is probably safe to say that I am not the "typical" male...I like foreign films...I love museums of any kind...I am a patient listener and some say I am full of good advice. I just like women who can accept that I am laid back, opinionated and fun.

    So to sum up...I look for intelligent, somewhat nerdy bookish talkative women with eastern European features who dress in thrift shop chic, who are true practicing Christians, who are smallish in stature, who aren't whoring themselves out because "Sex in the City" makes it look cool. Liking art museums, movie houses and live music are a plus.

    Sorry if I sound like a prude, but I really believe in setting standards and then not compromising with them. I think it is important to be a role model for your children, when you have them, and trust me, my son is ALWAYS watching what I do...if I come off as some misogynistic a-hole, then he will notice...personally I want him to respect women and treat them like the absolutely beautiful and tantalizing creatures they are!

  • At 9:59 AM, April 01, 2005, Blogger Gadfly said…

    That's a good question. I'm not really sure what us early-40s guys are looking for in a woman. I wouldn't want a slut who couldn't control herself with anybody, but I really love it when a woman can't control herself with me.

    But, after the handcuffs come off and the lubricants are put away, you need a friend. Somebody you can talk to -- that is just stupidly cliche, but it's true. I need a smart woman. I didn't used to when I was young and cocky, but I do now. And, I personally like how a woman can compliment me. I'm not at all spiritual, but if the woman I'm with is spiritual, that's cool.

    Also, I like a woman who thinks of things that we can both do that I will enjoy. Or one that will reinforce my random desires to do something fun. Like maybe I'll muse: "we should go down to the coast and go fishing on a charter boat" and she would start packing and not let me back down -- not let enertia claim me.

    Lastly, if something I thought of turned out badly, she wouldn't beat me over the head about it. Like if we were out in the Gulf on a fishing boat and it was raining and the waves were 8' high and we're seasick, she would wait until I said: "Well, this was a good idea, huh?"

  • At 10:32 AM, April 01, 2005, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    It is very refreshing to hear men said that it is more about the woman herself than what she can "do for me" type mentality. I think so many women believe that it is all about sex and sex appeal that they lose sight of the fact that once the sex is over, most REAL men want a soul mate. They want someone they get along with, who shares similar interests and challenges them mentally.

    I think Usher may say it best: (I'll paraphrase here). Men want a woman on the street, but a freak in the bed.

    I, personally, believe that is true. My take on what men want: someone attractive (but she doesn't have to be perfect); presentable in public and someone they can be proud of; someone who can be a tiger sexually for HIM; and someone with similar interests overall.

    Who's with me?

    Plus, I still want to hear more from men and women, too.

  • At 10:49 AM, April 01, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Am packing now, going out of town for an overnight with some girlfriends. Booze will not be involved.
    I will need to think long and hard about this question and evalutation session, but right now, I'm busy.
    I do remember that my dad told me to "find a guy with something between his ears as well as between his legs. You have to have something in common to fill in the other 23 hours and 40 minutes in a day."

  • At 6:30 AM, April 04, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Only 20 mintues!?

  • At 6:34 PM, April 04, 2005, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    Some people don't have marathon sex. I know, it is sad, but 20 minutes is probably generous to alot of guys.

  • At 12:31 PM, January 16, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Anyone need there MAN CARD go to Find Man Rules link and contribute.

  • At 2:16 PM, October 19, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Men are very simple critters. It goes, and in this order...

    1. Is She? If yes see #2 if not see next woman.

    2. Would she? If yes see #3 if not see next woman.

    3. With me? If yes see #4 if not see next woman.

    4. Ask her! If yes, tell your friends, if not, wipe drink from face and see next woman.

  • At 4:57 PM, February 24, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    nice teeth,good sense of humour,good nature,nice looks(dosen't have to be perfect but can't be a dog)talkative and truthful.


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