Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.

8.30.2006

The worst movies I've ever seen

This list could get really long and really ugly, so I'll sum it up with just a few losers that are in the forefront of my mind. Let me premise this list with the fact that I've actually seen all of these movies. I'm not even going to mention the ones that I refuse to see.

1. Serendipity starring one of my favorite actors, John Cusack. The premise of the movie is absolutely infuriating. These two people bump into each other and decide they're soul mates before losing touch and then they blow what appear to be loving relationships to go in search of each other before they wed their fiances. John Cusack's character knows the chick's first name only and the chick doesn't even know his name. Just stupid. Two hours of my life I wish I had back.

2. Animated feature Doogal with voice talent from many of my favorite stars. They couldn't save this dog of a film. Not only do I wish I had those two hours of my life back, but I want back the brain cells I lost while watching it.

3. This one may cause a divorce in my house, but Starship Troopers. What in the hell is this all about? Campy in a really bad way. Doogie Howser and the giant bugs were enough for me.

4. Tremors 1 through whatever godforsaken number they last made one.

5. Star Wars: Attack of the Clones. It was just so bad. I can't even begin to say all the things that bugged me about it. I liked Episode 1 and 3 and of course LOVE the original three, but this one, not so much.

Discuss.

8 Comments:

  • At 2:29 PM, August 30, 2006, Anonymous Army of Dad said…

    After your thoughts on 3-5 don't expect to be on speaking terms with me tonight.

    Good thing there is stuff we can do without talking! ;)

     
  • At 5:56 PM, August 30, 2006, Blogger El Capitan said…

    Oh, man... how can you not like the first Tremors? It's a classic Saturday afternoon monster movie!
    The back & forth dialogue between Fred Ward and Kevin Bacon was great!

    The sequels, yeah, I understand not liking those...

     
  • At 2:07 AM, August 31, 2006, Blogger Uzz said…

    Well...I would have to disagree on the first one, but pretty much agree on the others, though I never saw Doogal...but I will take your word for it.

    I liked Serendipity...yes...the story was a bit hokey and a lot was left to dumb luck and chance, but it did have Kate Beckinsale and any movie that she is in rates high for me! The music used in Serendipity was awesome...and yes...they did use Hall and Oates "Sara Smile".

    That said...here are my worst...in no particular order...that I can remember:

    1. Yu-Gi-Oh The Movie: This movie was so bad that it inspired me to write one the best reviews I have ever written...it still resides on IMDB. I cannot believe I actually made it through this film...it shows what a good father I am.

    2. Metro - This Eddie Murphy vehicle goes down as the only movie I have ever walked out of for sucking beyond belief...there may be others that I wanted to leave, but this is the one that made it happen!

    3. Spy Kids 3D - 'nuf said

    4. Grease 2 - whoever thought a sequel is just what the doctor ordered should be shot, drawn and quartered.

    5. Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band - There was a time when I thought that this movie was just a bad dream...just a memory that could not be accounted for. Then I remember...it is real...someone actually thought that a movie about arguably the greatest album ever made by the greatest band ever needed to be made into a bad 70s film. THEN they decide that since the Beatles are not available to DESTROY their own legacy then it would be a great idea to get Peter Frampton and the Bee Gees to do it for them in abstentia. The only saving grace of this horrible film is the Steve Martin scene where he does "Maxwell's Silver Hammer"...yeah...that's it.

     
  • At 9:26 AM, August 31, 2006, Blogger Army Wife said…

    Ok, I too hated Serendipity. I found it soooo unbelievable and just palin CRRRRAaaP (say with a Scottish accent)

    It also did not help that DH has a complete crush on that whore Kate Beckensdale

     
  • At 10:27 AM, August 31, 2006, Blogger Gadfly said…

    I think Tremors and Starship Troopers "guy" movies in that women just can't see the humor in it -- kind of like The Three Stooges.

     
  • At 11:43 AM, August 31, 2006, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    Ok, Uzz, your man card is revoked for liking Serendipity. That gal is pretty, yes, but the movie is SOOOOO awful.

    And, Gadfly, the whole Three Stooges thing just solidified my belief that Tremors and Starship Troopers are crap. *shaking my head* I'm so glad I don't have a penis if it makes me appreciate those sorts of things.

     
  • At 7:29 AM, September 01, 2006, Anonymous Army of Dad said…

    AoM, I will second that.

    I also glad you don't have a penis.

     
  • At 5:55 PM, September 01, 2006, Blogger Bette said…

    Years later, I'm still bitter that I used part of a vacation day to see Serendipity in the theater. Then when I saw it again while trapped on a trans-Pacific flight, I began to wonder how many puppies I'd kicked in my previous life.

    Oops, sorry. I really just meant to say that I agree your first choice.

     

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