A Jerry Maguire moment

The first time we've rented a movie in months and Army of Dad and I have another Jerry Maguire moment in our lives. We watched The Break-Up on Friday night. We both like Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston, so it seemed like a win-win situation. But, it just started out sounding like our home.

It really did. He comes in from working all day and plops down to watch TV or play video games while she is cooking and decorating for a dinner party. She just wants to feel appreciated and she wants him to WANT to help. Not help because he feels obligated or help because he wants her to stop nagging. She wants him to WANT to help her because he loves her and he wants to make things easier for her. Wow. Every woman can identify with that feeling. He feels like he is helping by contributing the paycheck and stopping to get her some lemons (only three when she asked for about a dozen, but that is neither here nor there at this point.) He doesn't talk about his feelings, he doesn't express undying devotion or love - but, hellooooo ladies, he's a man. They're not wired like that. Then, they fight just like we do. It was sort of disturbing to see it right there in front of us.

Army of Dad gets up from the movie at this point (we're only a brief way into it, too) and says he has to go in the other room, but to call him back when she gets naked. I got that knowing look again like I knew this was how the movie would be. I thought it was amusing that he, too, saw us in this couple.

But, here is where the similarities start to leave. The movie left me VERY frustrated because the whole premise is about how they really do still love each other, but he is going to be a proud guy and not let his guard down and she is going to be a manipulative, game-playing bitch. Hellooooo people, there is one long word that would fix everything and it is called COMMUNICATION. If she would have just put her tail between her legs and gone to him and said she over-reacted when she broke up and spoke calmly to him about how she feels underappreciated, overworked, etc, etc. then she could have avoided losing the love of her life. Same for him. Had he just gone to her and said, I'm sorry that I don't show you how much I appreciate you and I'm sorry that I don't do more for you. Compromise, people. Don't expect him to buy you flowers when you tell him that you think they're a waste of money. Men do NOT operate like that. They need us to tell them what we want. They don't get our hints. Really, they don't. They're not playing dumb, they really are clueless to all the hints that we drop over and over and over. If you want a really pretty circle diamond necklace thing that Kay's and other jewelers are selling for around $99 this holiday season *hint, hint* then you need to come right out ask for it. Would it be a wonderful, more meaningful gift if he just got it for you? Yeah, it would, but men don't work that way and we shouldn't expect them to.

I believe in setting realistic expectations. He doesn't expect me to be Martha Stewart in the house and Bettie Page in the bedroom (one out of two ain't bad - I'll let you decide which one I come closer to!) and I don't expect him to be the thoughtful, deep Tom Hanks character from Sleepless in Seattle. What I do expect is for him to respond appropriately when I tell him what I need and vice versa.

So, anyway. It was a good movie for the most part and I think Vince Vaughn has some pretty good insights into relationships (he wrote the movie with some other dudes). It portrays pretty accurately the demise of most relationships and without beating you over the head, it shows how simple communication EARLY on in a dispute could have solved this whole issue. Oh yeah, it also demonstrates how you need to talk to your partner rather than everyone else from friends to colleagues and bosses. Go straight to the horse's mouth (or horse's ass, depending upon how you feel about your partner at the time!) and just talk to each other.

Hmm. I think this could be the catalyst for writing that book my husband keeps encouraging me to write for women on how the care and handling of their men.