Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.


Better living with chemicals

I used to be a giant Tom Cruise fan when I was in college. I even had one of those big movie cardboard standups of him in Cocktail in my apartment. My catch phrase: he's a fine, fine actor. Of course, I meant that in more ways that one. Uzz, my college beau, would always come back with the standard guy response questions Tom's masculinity.

Well, over the years, I've seen how Hollywood and success has turned Tom's brain to mush. While I still get all atwitter at the volleyball scene from Top Gun, Tom doesn't do it for me so much any more. *shrug* And, there are moments when drugs are so good, that I know I want to smack Tom upside the head. Chemicals can, indeed, help folks. For instance, Zoloft has made my mom a normal human being again.

Last night, I think the stress of an unemployed spouse, two totalled cars in a matter of 19 days, the cancer diagnosis of my husband's grandpa, my increased work load and the addition of children being home for summer while I'm in a leg cast and dealing with that, and lastly, Army of Dad gone to Minnesota for the week ... well, it all just added up to totally freak me out. My leg - the one in the cast - started swelling and the cast was tight and it triggered an anxiety attack.

Yes, I know that is stupid and bizarre. But, I was ready to get out the home tool kit and cut this damn thing off my leg. I called Army of Dad - did I mention it was his birthday yesterday, too? - and told him what I was going to do. Well, he talked me down from the bridge and then I called my equally nutty friend, RC, and he listened to me whine and whimper and also assured me that cutting the cast off would be a bad idea and that I'm fine, but just stressed.

So I did something I don't normally do - I grabbed the Xanax that my OB/GYN gave me for these moments. He prescribed it to help relax me before the ablation in January, but he said it can be used - very sparingly -for really bad PMS emotional symptoms, too. It was THAT bad last night. It started about 5ish and by 11, I thought I was going to gnaw my leg off because it was bugging me so much. So, I stopped what I was doing, soaked in a tub (obviously with the casted leg hanging out and propped up) and started drinking water to see if it could help relieve any swelling/water retention that might be going on.

I took the Xanax and figured even if it was a placebo effect, I should feel better. I did relax after a while and got extremely tired, so I crashed. I slept hard, which was good since I haven't done that in a while. But, the bad thing was the dreams were so absolutely real. Much more realistic that normal. At one point, I would have sworn on a stack of Bibles that Army of Dad was standing in the bedroom with the children - that is until the alarm clock went off. In between things, I dreamed about my neighbors all turning into zombies and I was out of ammunition. I have to explain that my husband is the one who has zombie dreams, not me. So, that was totally messed up. He has so many zombie dreams that I bought him a shirt that says "Zombie Killer" on it. Oddly enough, I texted him about my zombie dream and he texted back that he is wearing his zombie killer shirt today. Coincidence? I don't think so.

But, suffice it to say, I think the Xanax saved me from having an episode last night. Hopefully, I won't need that stuff again for a long time.

And, just for good measure to Tom Cruise and all his crazy buddies, pppphththphpphpttttt!!!!


  • At 11:59 AM, June 11, 2008, Blogger Susabelle said…

    I never was a big fan of TC, but after his "medication meltdown" I was even less of a fan.

    That being said, I KNOW that Prozac saved my life. I'm still on it and don't want to go off. But, it does give me strange dreams sometimes. Huge, epic, colorful dreams full of celebrities that aren't my type (Harry Connick Jr. and Cedric the Entertainer come quickly to mind). But the dreams are so fabulous, and hardly ever scary, that I don't mind.

  • At 1:13 PM, June 11, 2008, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    Ok, so the dream thing wasn't just me? Good to know. I read online that some people get hangover type feelings the day after using the xanax and I am experiencing that, but it is definitely better than the stupid anxiety I was feeling yesterday ... I feel for people who experience that regularly. It is so foreign.

  • At 5:28 PM, June 11, 2008, Blogger El Capitan said…

    A friend with weed is a friend indeed! Plus, you keep a few fake flowers around so you can disguise your bong as a vase. Cheaper than Xanax in the long run...

  • At 12:49 PM, June 12, 2008, Blogger Susabelle said…

    My mom takes Xanax "as needed" and she gets the hangover. I much prefer the "take every day" Prozac, I just keep it in my system and I don't freak out. I never really realized I freaked out in the first place, and really, that's an over-description of what happens. I just have a lot to deal with in my life with my kids being special needs and my strange job and my female problems, and the Prozac made a new woman out of me.

    Speaking of female problems, I'm going to have to have a hysterectomy because my ablation never worked (Dec. 06). I hope you get better results from yours!!

  • At 1:57 PM, June 12, 2008, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    El Cap - dude ... you old stoner. Would you believe Army of Dad and I have NEVER toked it up in our entire lives? No one ever believes us, but it is true. Never once. Len Bias. All I have to say.

    ANd, Susabelle, I've been pretty happy with my ablation results after that initial incident. Since then I spot for about two or three days and that's it. Now, it is weird because it can be 21-25 days between cycles, which is shorter than I'd like, but I can definitely handle that over the 7+ day heavy periods. :) Good luck with your hysterectomy. When are you doing it?

  • At 9:37 AM, June 13, 2008, Blogger Susabelle said…

    I met with the surgeon yesterday, and I have my hyst on Friday June 20. Not much time to think about it, and that's probably a good thing. He said it wasn't an "emergency" but it was "urgent." Turns out I have adenomyosis and it is layering the muscles of the cervix and lower uterus, which explains the excessiveness of it all. I'll be glad to have it over, but am scared anyway.


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