Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.


Texas Heat

As we've gone like two weeks, give or take, with temps over 100 every day, I thought this little joke by that my high school journalism teacher sent me.

Just moved to Texas! Now this is a state that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm balmy evenings.
What a place! It is beautiful.
I've finally found my home.
I love it here.

June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem.
Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this.
I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today.
Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain.
No more mowing lawn for me.
Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week.
How do people get used to this kind of heat?
At least, it's kind of windy though.
But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th:
Fell asleep by the community pool.(Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body).
Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do.
I learned my lesson though.
Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:
I missed Lomita, my cat, sneaking into the car when I left this morning.
By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag, then popped like a water balloon.
The car now smells like Kibbles and shits.
I learned my lesson though.
No more pets in this heat.
Good ol' Mr. Sun strikes again.

July 25th:
The wind sucks.
It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!
And it's hot as Hell.
The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th:
Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now; a $225,000 house and I can't even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one.
Why did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th:
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today.
It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85.
I hate this stupid state.

Aug. 8th:
If another wise ass cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to strangle him.
Damn heat.
By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

Aug. 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work.
Wore shorts, and when I sat on the seats in the car, I thought my ass was on fire.
My skin melted to the seat.
I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass.
Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

Aug 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording.
Hot and sunny.
Hot and sunny.
Hot and sunny.
It's been too hot to do shit for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.
Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert?
Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over.
Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.

Aug. 14th:
Welcome to HELL!
Temperature got to 115 today.
Cactus is dead.
Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car.
The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?"
My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail.
Freaking Texas.
What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?
Will write later to let you know how the trial goes.


  • At 11:30 AM, August 05, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Gotta love it...............not

    I drive a car with no AC. its been kind of difficult lately.

    just trying to keep the grass not dead (not even trying for green) has driven the water bill up $30/mo

    And to top it all off, the pool that my wife just had to have, can't be swam in because its registering 88 at the moment, like bathwater.


  • At 11:51 AM, August 05, 2008, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    oooh, I'd love the 88-degree pool. Of course, that would be a lot like a hot tub to me, which I'm ok with. :) I'm lava girl, though.

    Yeah, I heard an electricity provider on the radio saying that you can't expect your AC units to keep your house cooler than 20 degrees below the temps outside, so she said if you can get your AC to about 80 right now, you're doing well. Lovely, huh?

    And, yeah, we're struggling to keep the grass and plants alive, too. Funsies. Hot enough for ya? *ducking*

  • At 2:24 PM, August 05, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Fortunately my house and the bigass trees around it have been there for 30 years. The trees do not require water for the most part, and the grass comes back pretty quick.


  • At 11:42 AM, August 06, 2008, Blogger Submariner said…

    Southwest Texas; where you find out that seat belts are pretty effective branding devices...

  • At 1:35 PM, August 06, 2008, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    After living in the arm pit of Texas in Fort Hood (where the humidity can be high in addition to the heat) and living in West Texas in Midland where it gets ohmyfreakinglord hot, this is a walk in the park.

    I was pregnant in the summer of 1994 in Midland when for almost two weeks it wasn't below 110 and all I had to drive was a 1983 Toyota Celica with no AC. I almost wiped out the planet's population that summer. Pregnancy and heat do not make for a happy AoM.


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