Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.


This reminds me ...

When I went to New Orleans, the Cowboys game was on before we had to hop on the plane back to Dallas. So, we hit a sports bar (we're both sporting Tony Romo jerseys) and we're sitting next to some Bengals fans who are giving us shit. One guy is hitting on me, so his shit is good-natured. His buddy, on the other hand, is just stupid. I mean, mouth-breathing stupid. So bad was his friend, that we noticed him earlier because of the stupid look he was giving the TV across the bar.

So, anyway, I drop an F bomb because of something bad that happened in the game. Now, keep in mind, we're pretty much the only women sitting at the horseshoe shaped bar in this sports grill. There are men all around us within earshot.

AoM: What the fuck was that? *screaming at TV*
Stupid guy: Did you just say the F word?
AoM: Uh, yeah.
Stupid guy: You're the youngest old woman I've ever heard say the F word.
AoM: *giving him the 'oh no you didn't just say that face'*
Men all around the bar: *giving stupid guy the 'oh no you didn't just say that face' and looking at me incredulously
Stupid guy's friend who had been hitting on me: My friend is stupid. He doesn't know what he's saying.
AoM: *still looking at him like WTF*
Stupid guy: What I meant to say is that older women like you don't usually use the F word.
AoM:*still looking at him like WTF* You're not helping yourself. Just shut up.
Men all around the bar: *still looking at him like he's stupid*
Stupid guy: Ma'am, I didn't mean ...
AoM: You don't get laid much, do you?
Stupid guy: *giving me a blank expression like he doesn't understand why I'd say that*
Men all around the bar: *laughing out loud and smacking their fists on the bar in hilarity*
Stupid guy's friend who had been hitting on me: You know what? You're right. Excuse my stupid friend here.

After this exchange, everything that I said was said with an old lady joke. I believe I made jokes about needing some Depends, maybe hitting him with my cane, etc etc. Every time I said something, all the guys around us erupted in more laughter. Me? I left with a complex. The only thing that kept me from being traumatized was the 20-something good looking Bears fan earlier hitting on me. That guy was hot and flirted with me, unlike the dumbass who called me old.

So, all that leads to a page I stumbled upon while avoiding work called How Not to Get Laid. The first story I saw was great. Nothing like a parrot to kill a mood. It was seeing this page that reminded me of the stupid Bengals fan and how he will never get laid.


  • At 3:48 PM, October 15, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    TFF! That's ok, I'm 42 and was told by a 17(!) yr old that he fantasizes about me. (I'll leave the details out of this). And while it was weirdly flattering, it was just weird, considering I have a 16 and an 18 yr old. Later, I realized, I've never even been with a 17 yr old, even when I was around that age! I just told him 'you really don't want this old womans body'. He said 'what if I said I had a fetish?' I just shook my head in wonder, told him that I would keep it in mind (while rolling my eyes) and went back to work. Scary times.

  • At 11:26 AM, October 16, 2008, Blogger El Capitan said…

    I believe you more than adequately summed up the depth of his stupidity with only two words...

    "Bengals Fan"

  • At 7:01 PM, October 20, 2008, Blogger T.A. said…

    AoM: You are my personal hero. I'm struggling with the whole dating game nonsense myself, and I have to say you did the stupid guy a favor by calling him out on his stupidity. Not saying it'll improve him, but it's a start.

    Now I can feel comfy that no matter how bad some of my dates have gone, I can take some solace in the fact that at least it wasn't because I said something stupid. :-)


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