Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.

2.20.2009

Questions

There are some things I'm not sure I'll ever understand.

1. Why do teenage boys smell so badly? I don't recall them stinking when I was a kid. Was I just oblivious?

2. How can a child be in a tiny bathroom and not put his puke in the toilet, shower, sink or trashcan? Why must he puke on the three throw rugs and the wall instead?

3. Why do the two youngest compete to be attached to me when the other is sick? On Monday, when Little Bit was sick, Hot Rod couldn't stand to be more than an inch away from me. Now that he is sick, she won't let go.

4. Why does cleaning up puke make me dry-heave? Now my stomach is killing me again.

5. What sixth sense do children have that mom is about to have some 'me' time that makes them puke or cry?

6. Where are those damned house elves that are supposed to be scrubbing my floors and walls and cooking for me?

7. Why is it that when I was sick on Wednesday, the phone rang no less than 22 times. Yet on days when I have nothing going on, the phone doesn't ring more than once?

8. Who makes these bizarre kids' shows on Nickelodeon? I think I lost IQ points watching I Carly. I kind of like Drake and Josh. I think that proves the lost IQ points theory.

9. How come my sex dreams always stop short of me actually having sex? I may get a smooch in, but I never actually consummate my dream sex. That is so frustrating.

10. And, how far backwards can my neighbor's worktruck really go in his driveway? I heard the beep-beep-beep backing up noise for 10 minutes this morning. Our driveways are only about three car lengths long.

These are the things that keep me up at night. Or in the morning as the case may be.

4 Comments:

  • At 1:15 AM, February 21, 2009, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I just wanted to let you know that I do read this blog and have for sometime. So keep it up.

    Thanks,

    GX
    in California

     
  • At 4:09 AM, February 22, 2009, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I was always so lucky with my boys. Even when they were toddlers they always seem to make it to the toilet in time when they were sick.
    Just lucky I guess.
    And I've told you before you want to lure brownies into your house if you want it clean. They are earth creatures, course your a Scorpio maybe thats why they don't come around. You know, as a self-proclaimed geek you should know these things. Love ya', your cuz.

     
  • At 12:24 PM, February 23, 2009, OpenID morningglory2 said…

    1. Why do teenage boys smell so badly? I don't recall them stinking when I was a kid. Was I just oblivious?

    When my son was a teenager we made him keep his bedroom door closed, so the stench wouldn't leech out into the rest of the house. He never smelled it. The rest of us gagged. Even his sheets smelled bad.

     
  • At 10:05 AM, February 24, 2009, Blogger Kim du Toit said…

    You still have sex dreams, even unconsummated ones?

    Count your lucky stars.

     

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