Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.


Procrastination trend

It isn't a good trait of mine, but one I have ... I procrastinate. I'm really good at it, though.

Maybe Monday I'll FINALLY write about the biopsy. I definitely need to work on the brochure. I am really good about not wanting to face problems or conflicts or even admit my own feelings. So, I think I'm unconsciously putting off writing this blog entry. Maybe with some time, it will be easier to write. I don't think so. The huge bruise on the side of my breast isn't letting me forget it either. I'm not wearing the ice pack in my bra anymore. That was sort of a hassle, but it did make it feel a lot better. I don't know. Maybe I still feel a little sorry for myself. I'm not sure. Maybe I want to wait until I hear back from the surgeon on Wednesday or Thursday. I don't know. I just don't want to have breast cancer. I probably don't. But, then again, I've been telling myself at every step of this thing that they'll figure out it was nothing and I've been worrying for no good reason. Everyone was right that 'everything will be fine' and I shouldn't worry. But, you know what? Everything hasn't been fine and everything isn't alright. Each step has taken me to another step. No one has said, let's watch and wait. Know why? Because that isn't a good idea. Know why? Because everything isn't alright so far. I know it will all be ok in the end. I truly believe that. But, right now, everything is not alright. I put on a giant brave face. I crack all kinds of jokes to my friends, my husband, my family and even to the medical professionals I'm working with. Everyone is very impressed by how non-chalant I am. AOD and I haven't talked much about it. I think it is his way of coping with it all. He is a tough guy and he doesn't show weakness. Makes me wonder sometimes if he is worried at all. I know he is and maybe that is why he has been a little distant the past few days. It is his coping mechanism. He mowed and edged the lawn today - two of the chores he hates the most. He also let me take a two-hour nap - second day in a row I got to do that. So, that was outstanding. I'm off to bed now so I'm still ahead on my rest.

And, sorry to unload like this. My dearest friends know I'm a basket case - but only momentarily. I've got to keep up appearances. *shaking my head* By-product from my dysfunctional youth. We couldn't let anyone know about the turmoil in our home. *tsk tsk* No way, no how. Put on a happy face. I still cling to that coping mechanism. If only I had a half-gallon of Blue Bell chocolate or banana nut ice cream. Then, I'd be reliving my youth (and widening my ass even further).

Drank part of a Dr Pepper today, but it didn't taste all that great to me. So, I think I'll have a glass of water before bed. Woo hoo ... the changes are kicking in. I actually want a glass of water.


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