Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.


Airport safety

I had my first test today. Would the tag in my left breast set off the metal detectors. *whew - wiping my brow* Nope, it didn't go off. Thank God. For those who don't know, when I had my biopsy last summer, the doctor put a little metal tag in the lump, so if another lump developed, it would be apparent through a mammogram which one had been checked already.

It was remotely amusing as I held my breath to walk through the metal detector. Of course it sucked that I had to take off my therapeutic rescue heroes boot. But, no biggie.

I had to watch a very *ahem* informative video on airport safety as part of processing through access control to get clearance to get around the airport. Three very important pieces of information:

1) Don't drive in front of moving airplanes on the runway.

Wow! Do they REALLY have to tell you that? Apparently, they do. When talking to my boss about it, he and the next in command both told me horror stories of following other vehicles across the tarmac only to watch that idiot drive in front of a moving plane.

2) Don't drive behind a jet that is firing up its engine. The jet exhaust thingee (gees, I'm so good with technical terms) will blow you clear off the runway. It was the best part of the video - watching this pick-up get blown over and out into a lake near the runway. I felt a bit like Beavis and Butthead and started to ask them to do it again.

3) Airport DPS officers will even pull over the airport vehicles on the tarmac. Cracked me up to watch some dude on a golf-cart looking thing pulling luggage getting pulled over for speeding or something. They even have speed traps on the runways.

Another good part was that the beginning of the video was made in the 80s, so in addition to all the bad hair and mustaches in it, there was a generic porn soundtrack-like bow chinky bow wow music to it. Not that I'd know what porn music sounds like, but people have told me.

So, now I know how to be safe at the airport. They may even let me drive a 15-passenger van. With people in it and everything. Be afraid. Be very afraid.


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