Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.


Why didn't anyone warn me?

I don't recall at any time during my education that ANYONE warned me of what would happen when I became a mother.

I mean, I sort of knew that my boobs would sag because my mom's did (she only has one left after breast cancer, so I guess I would say her boob sags, but I digress). I knew that I would get stretch marks, because my mom had them. I was ok with that. Well, not really, but I knew that was my destiny.

But, nowhere in any of the "What to expect when you're expecting" or the Dr. Spock or Dr. Brazelton books did anyone tell me to be prepared to be eating mac & cheese for lunch and have the following happen:

Little Bit: oooh, I gotta go potty!!!!
AoM: ok, go potty.
Little Bit: Dora is for girls and Buzz Lightyear is for boys, right? (*talking about Pampers brand training pants)
AoM: Yes, the Dora pullups are for girls.
Little Bit: What are you eating?
AoM: Mac & cheese and bread. Do you want some?
Little Bit: Mmmm, mac & cheese.
*AoM gives her a bite of the now cool mac & cheese*
*LB returns with a look of disgust and spits the food onto my plate before happily toddling off*

Suddenly, I don't want my mac & cheese either.

Why don't people warn you about this stuff?

Hey females! Those of you capable of producing offspring but who haven't done it yet - yeah, I'm talking to you. Children spit food into your hands. Unfortunately, they do it alot.

LabKat has a great story about my eldest trying to do this to her when he was about 1 or 2. If I recall correctly, she looked at him like he was stupid and said "I'm not your mother. There is a trash can over there." He looked at her like she was stupid for refusing to take his chewed up rejects.

I just don't recall playing house and pretending that my baby spit chewed up food in my hand. I'll have to incorporate this into playtime with Little Bit to prepare her for later in life. So, when her biological clock starts ticking, she can't say I didn't warn her.


  • At 1:05 PM, May 12, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Actually events are as follows:

    Pickles was chewing on Cheerios and decided he wanted to spit them in my hand. I told him I wouldn't take them that way and ran to get a paper towel. He looked at me like I was out of my mind and spit them in the floor.

    This was after him throwing himself to the ground in front of the door after his Mom and Dad (Army of Mom and Uzz) left for the evening. He was howling and peering under his arm to see if I was paying attention. After a few minutes of me letting him pitch a fit, he decided it wasn't worth the effort, as I wasn't going to pick him up.

    I think the Cheerios was his revenge.

  • At 1:06 PM, May 12, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    That should read "Actual events..."

    What can I say? It's after lunch on a Friday.

  • At 5:44 PM, May 12, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    oh, the stories I could tell. I have raised 6 of my own kids,and now am raising 4 more more!! Also there should have been a class on what students do/say to the teacher! AOM remember the nurses call about Pickles anatomy(sp)

  • At 12:00 PM, May 13, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Your sorry teachers may not have prepared you for motherhood; however, someone taught you to avoid ending sentences in prepositions -- I can't be responsible for your entire high school education. :-)

    By the way, after 23 years of teaching "To Kill a Mockingbird," just this year, I've learned it is a book about the male anatomy; the boys in my classes have talked about "Harry Johnsons," dongs, and balls while we were discussing the novel.

  • At 12:43 PM, May 14, 2006, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    Great. More stuff to look forward to. Thanks so much, folks.


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