Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.


Tough Choices

I laughed hysterically at the answers El Capitan at Baboon Pirates gave to the quiz. So, I just had to take a stab at it.

Would you rather:

1. Watch a porno with your parents OR starring your parents? Since my parents have likely only had sex a handful of times, I'm thinking it would be hard to get them in a porno. Plus, it wouldn't be much fun. My mom has had a mastectomy and only has one boob. Plus, she'd be bitching at my dad the whole time for the way he did things. I can hear it now, instead of a good moan and groan, she'd be like "Dammit, D. Why the hell can't you do it the way I like it instead of just in and out, in and out?"
I got stuck watching "Blue Lagoon" with my dad when I was in high school and I didn't die, so I suppose I'd rather watch it with them, given the choices.

2. Lick the handle on a public restroom toilet OR eat a wad of toilet paper from the stall floor? Hmm. I guess licking the handle and then disinfecting my mouth immediately afterward with an entire bottle of Scope.

3. Be MC Hammer OR Vanilla Ice? Ice Ice Baby. A friend of mine lived in Paris, Texas, in junior high and Vanilla Ice was her first kiss. They were in pep squad together. No lie. She showed me her school yearbook. She's a lesbian now, so I wonder what that says about him? Hmm. But, still, I'd be Vanilla Ice. He's cute with all his eyebrows grown back in. Word to your mother.

4. Be able to fly OR read people's minds? I don't want to know when my husband thinks I look fat, so I'll go with flying.

5. Have whatever you want for one year then die OR be paralyzed for life? Between those choices, I guess the year of unbridled gluttony, greed and joy followed by a lovely afterlife sounds pretty good.

6. Have a permanent smile OR a permanent blank stare? Oh, the smile for sure. Everyone would wonder what the deal was. Plus, I've heard the more you smile, the more it cheers you up. Then again, I could turn into an evil arch enemy of Batman, too.

7. Be burned alive OR drown? Uh, drown, I think.

8. Be known worldwide as a racist OR a child molestor? I've been accused of racist thoughts before, so I think that wouldn't be a stretch for me. But, I'd rather be a bigot than a pedophile.

9. Eat three pounds of hair OR drink a gallon of shampoo? Eww. Who thought of this stupid quiz? They have way too much time on their hands. Drinking some Fructis or that one with the beer in it, maybe, wouldn't be so bad. Where is the bottle of Scope again?

10. Be God OR the devil? Well, this is a hard one. Billy Joel once sang "I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints; the sinners are much more fun." But, I think if I were God, I could forgive myself for my transgressions and do what I wanted overall. I'll go with God. I hate the heat. I'm enduring hell in Texas right now with one of the top 10 hottest summers on record. Ick.


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