Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.


Stupid way to die No. 1

I think I'll make this an ongoing feature on Army of Mom. Whenever I'm about to do something that makes me pause to think "hmm, what will the headline read if I die doing this?" then I usually step back and either don't embark on stupid move or I do so with caution.

This poor schmuck's cause of death: a lava lamp. He put it on the stove. Hello? If you've ever seen one of these up close, they get hot on their own. They don't need to be sitting on the stove. Poor dead dufus took a shard of glass to the heart and stumbled to the bedroom in his trailer and croaked.

I think we should ban lava lamps. Lava lamps kill. *please note my sarcasm* As one of my trolls accused me of having no grasp of sarcasm, I thought I better point it out when I use it.


  • At 4:47 PM, December 01, 2004, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I've seen so many stupid deaths, it's hard to pick a favorite. I think maybe the one where a guy needed a part from a car in a junkyard. The car was at the bottom of a stack of 7 or 8, so naturally, he gets out his trusty little (and by little, I mean not much bigger than a beer can) 1 ton jack, and to Darwin's surprise, actually gets the stack up high enough to crawl under with his tools. He had two jacks the same size, and was putting them on blocks of wood and switching them as one would go as high as it could, and starting again with the second jack, and so on.

    When I got there, it looked like that scene in Wizard of Oz, where the house has fallen on the witch, and just her legs were sticking out. It was a bitch getting him out of there, too.

  • At 6:50 PM, December 01, 2004, Blogger JD said…

    Here in North Carolina these situations often start with the statement, "Ya'll watch this."


  • At 8:52 AM, December 02, 2004, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    Unfortunately, some wrecking yards moved down the street from my childhood home while I was growing up. We had a couple of men in the neighborhood die under cars like that with nothing but their legs sticking out. Was pretty gross. I got to see one of them and I remember thinking to myself that he looked like the Wicked Witch of the West under there.

    Here's your sign.


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