Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.


Be careful what you pray for

Ok, sometimes the bossy person inside of me forgets who is REALLY in charge (and, no, I don't mean Stinkerbelle) and tries to do everything by myself, for myself. So, last night, in the humility and pain of not having pooped for six days - I prayed.

And, geese louise, did the Good Lord answer my prayers for a BM.

But, thank the Lord. I've never delivered a child naturally, but I suspect that what happened from 2:15 to 2:30 a.m. has to be something similar to what it feels like to give birth. I literally cried it hurt so bad. I thought, hmmm, wonder what the crap (pardon the pun, it was intended) that must look like. Ever so delicately stood, turned around and thought THAT IS IT? I expected some massive thing there. Nope, the momma equivalent of constipated baby rabbit-looking poops. *shrug*

After the initial surprise wore off. I said a prayer of gratitude and crashed again. Was awoken about 6 a.m. with yet another urge to relieve my intestines. And, boy oh boy. God answered my prayers again. This was the one I dreaded. The last of the constipated stuff came out painfully and was followed by the giant GUSH of the watery stuff. But, despite the sore backside. All I could think was Ahhhhhhhhhh. Thank you God. Then, this little church camp song came into my mind. Sing it if you know it:
I've got a river of life flowing out of me. Makes the lame to walk and the blind to see. Opens prison doors, sets the captives free. I've got a river of life flowing out of me.
Spring up oil well (to which you stand up and do goofy hand gestures) GUSH! GUSH! GUSH!
And, set me freeeeeeeeee. I've got a river of life flowing out of me.

Only in my mind, I was substituting some words and meanings. Sometimes I wake my kids up with this song in the morning (not the poop version) but they still don't appreciate it.

I never thought I'd blog about my bathroom habits.

Eww factor today: 10++

Going back to the doctor today. Fear I may have an infection along my incision because there are a couple of hot spots that are red, hard and feverish. I hope I'm wrong, but I don't think so. I hate staples. My c-section infection was after staples, too. On an upside, hopefully, he'll take the stitches out of my face and maybe he'll remove the drain that isn't doing much. I'll be doing some more praying about that. Please say a few for me. I've been so queasy with this procedure, I'm certain I'll pass out when he checks me out.

On the bright side, Hot Rod has his kindergarten graduation today. Army of Dad is having some cavities filled this afternoon. He is such a giving man. I was feeling pretty selfish yesterday. I have many deadlines that ALL have to made this week before Friday, so I really can't just sit and rest. But, fortunately, interviewing and writing are not physically demanding tasks. So, I can do it. I worked hard all day yesterday and AoD worked till 9ish at his work to make sure that his stuff got done and then he went to the store for me. But, he didn't get to come home and be with me because he saw a family stranded on the side of the road and went back out to help them. So, we didn't get to bed till midnight. Going to be a long day! But, he is such a good man. I felt guilty for being mad, but I wanted him home with me. Hopefully, I'll have him all weeekend.


  • At 9:47 AM, May 25, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I cannot remember when and why I began coming over here, must have been a link to a link or somesuch.
    Anyway, your story sent me to the Archives of and here is one she wrote, similar to yours.
    All I know how to do is this address:

    so you will have to cut and paste
    maybe wait until the joy of your own has gotten old again

  • At 9:47 AM, May 25, 2005, Blogger Gadfly said…


    Nothing goes together like coffee and stories of massive poops.

    Excuse me, I believe I need to skip to the loo.

  • At 3:35 PM, May 25, 2005, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    Sorry to gross anyone out. But, lookit - MrsDoF found a link about someone else's poop issues, too.

    So, thhepophphpethhpttttt!!

  • At 6:35 AM, May 26, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Just keep waiting, and when the dam breaks...

  • At 9:31 AM, May 26, 2005, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    It is a shocker.

    I just can't say enough how much better it feels to have the poop chute working again.

  • At 4:41 PM, December 11, 2006, Blogger kimbalaya said…

    I realize this post is about a year and a half old now, but I just had to comment. I found your blog when doing a google search for panniculectomy and had to keep on reading to see how it went.

    This post had me in absolute tears, I was laughing so hard. It was as if you were writing MY experience following my second c-section. Thanks for a good giggle!


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