Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.

1.06.2006

Personal ads

If you were living on the Enterprise 1701D or perhaps Deep Space 9, here are what the personals would look like:

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Vivacious female seeks virile male. Willing to compromise on appearance, personality, and hygiene. Big bat'leth a must.
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Now EAR this! Open-minded Klingon male seeks adventurous Ferengi female for discreet liaison. Lobe mites not a problem.
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No games. I'm a head in a jar with no money, no honor, and no teeth. But I still have needs! Are you the very special female who will feed me, clean me, and occasionally recaulk my neck? Reply to do_not_tap_on_glass@klingnet.com.
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I've been hurt before ... and I liked it. Male with low self-esteem seeks female with pain stick and soundproof basement. If you can dish it out, my thick leathery hide can take it.
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Where are you, Cuddlegrub? I miss you so much. She meant nothing to me, I swear! Come home and we'll work things out over a nice romantic knife fight. Your little tribble, Gnorg. P.S. Where do we keep the deep fryer?
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Do you feel lucky? Humorless widow seeks husband number 10. Must enjoy nights at the opera, long walks on the beach, and defending my honor against every imaginable slight, no matter what the odds. Let's grow slightly older together.
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Hailing on all frequencies! Male seeks female for fun, friendship, and hour after hour of wild, tooth-chipping sex. Lower your shields and prepare to be boarded, baby! Reply with photo or forehead cast to Box 16097.
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Do you like piƱa coladas? Do you also like getting caught in the rain? If so, then you're probably a weak, puny human. STAY AWAY FROM OUR FEMALES, YOU WEAK, PUNY HUMAN!
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Let's make sparks fly! Male with cybernetic implants seeks female with same. Original collarbones a plus. NO BORG.
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Are you the one? We were cornered at the battle of Narendra III and spent an unforgettable night together clubbing Romulans to death with our spent disruptor rifles. Oh, how the sight of you in that studded-leather battle corset made my heart race! But when reinforcements arrived and the tide turned, we were separated. If you managed to avoid being captured or killed, let's pick up where we left off.

Thanks to RC for this.

4 Comments:

  • At 11:48 AM, January 06, 2006, Blogger Gadfly said…

    Oh man ...

    That is Commander Geek territory. So, of course, I can't help but join in.

    Single white Captain seeks Orion slave girl for exotic dancing, hot sex. Green skin a plus.

     
  • At 1:40 PM, January 06, 2006, Blogger Army Wife said…

    oh my......space sex...is pretty geeky...although the similarities to the "furries"....may be too close for comfort here.

     
  • At 1:59 PM, January 06, 2006, Anonymous Army of Dad said…

    That would give new meaning to the trouble with tribbles.

    I can see the paternity hearings now...Your honor those tribblets can't be mine, tribbles are born pregnant so I couldn't have knocked her up!

     
  • At 2:23 PM, January 06, 2006, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    Gadfly- good one!

    ArmyWife - are you saying I'm a sex geek? If you are, then you'd be right, but that isn't the point. Just because I'm a little intrigued by furry, space and hobbit sex doesn't mean I'm a pervert. Or does it?

    AoD - dude, that is just wrong.

     

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