Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.

3.05.2006

Love hurts

I've gotten butt cramps while having sex. My massaget therapist recommend I stretch before gettin' busy with Army of Dad. We can get a bit athletic while going at it.

But, never have I been severely injured during sex. Yeah, I've drawn blood before and I've occasionally bled here and there, but man. These are some stories that are scary.

I had a friend who was dating an ER doc and she told me stories about people shoving stuff up their asses as well as the story of a gal who was supposed to be using petroleum jelly for her birth control device and only caught the second half of the doc's instructions - using jelly - and wound up in the ER with a severe infection from shoving grape jelly up her cooch.

Just a little tidbit for your gals (and guys, too) never put anything on or in your privates unless it is designed for that purpose because it can cause urinary tract infections and yeast infections. That means no whipped cream or food products. Go to an adult products store and buy stuff designed for that. *shruddering*

8 Comments:

  • At 1:35 PM, March 06, 2006, Blogger Gadfly said…

    If AoD would go slower at first, you wouldn't get butt sex cramps.

     
  • At 2:05 PM, March 06, 2006, Anonymous Army of Dad said…

    She means cramps in her gluteus muscles.

     
  • At 4:55 PM, March 06, 2006, Blogger Gadfly said…

    Interesting. I've never heard of that happening during butt sex.

    ;-)

     
  • At 5:16 PM, March 06, 2006, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    Yep ... a little too much flexing those muscles while, uh, er, working out during sex.

    Not BUTT sex you big douchebag. I am so not talking about anal sex. I'm talking about regular vanilla sex that makes my butt muscles cramp up. Gees. *shaking head* I should have guessed you'd leap to that conclusion. Some people.

     
  • At 9:21 PM, March 06, 2006, Blogger MrsDoF said…

    Yeah, I remember one time when the back of my thigh on the right leg got a bad cramp and ruined a very nice session about being married.
    My CNP said I need more potassium and that I should eat at least 3 bananas a week.
    The chiropractor mentioned the stretch as a prelude also.
    And doggone it, I do feel better!

     
  • At 11:04 PM, March 06, 2006, Anonymous Rufus said…

    Is it wrong that I'm disturbed by this whole conversation? As Army of Mom's friend it makes me a little uneasy to know about her butt cramps regardless of the cause or specific region of the butt. *Shuddering*
    However, I recommend stretching for everyone, esp. as you get older. The painful truth is you can't curl into your favorite positions as well as you used to so as with any good work out - stretch! Maybe get in a five minute light run to warm up.

     
  • At 7:06 AM, March 07, 2006, Anonymous Army of Dad said…

    *laughing at the thought of AoM running to warm up before "marital activities"*

     
  • At 9:19 AM, March 07, 2006, Blogger Gadfly said…

    So, this DOESN'T happen when you have butt sex?

     

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