Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.

4.12.2010

When Its Over

My dear husband has never understood why I get so scared of losing him. We've been together for 13 years, married for 12 of them. My world revolves around him. Yes, we each have our interests and our own friends, but he is the center of my universe.

And, for years, I've struggled with insecurities. He has done nothing to ever give me reason to feel this way - but I just know what a catch I have in him. And, I know how other women are.

I've seen it over the years when women weasel their way into another relationship. And, no, those men aren't innocent bystanders. But, it is scary to watch couples (that I think have it all together) fall apart.

I heard news of another one of those couples today. 25 years of marriage, a few kids and all that goes with the for better/for worse scenario. And, they're calling it quits. I know them as casual friends, but not good enough to ask questions and I'm not in that inner circle. I sent each of them a message on Facebook offering my friendship as they go through this and learned that XYZ will be a great "stepmom" to the kids. So, *snap* just like that, he has replaced this woman who has stood by his side all these years.

I'm assuming the new gal will be an "upgrade" to the younger, more attractive version. (this may be unfair of me to assume, but it is what I see everywhere I look). At baseball, I see these coaches who have the new thin attractive wives. I meet their ex-wives and I can see why they'd trade them in. But, then I wonder, were the overweight and bitter before or is that a by-product of being cast aside after going through all that they did?

Regardless ... needless to say, it gives me pause and always makes me fret and worry. When you give a man the best years of your life and your cast aside ... that is hard to take. Its hard to watch, too.

Poor Army of Dad. Now, he's got the task of reassuring me that he's happy with my big ass and nagging. And, now I have to pull back the reins and not be paranoid of being next. It breaks my heart.

7 Comments:

  • At 7:51 PM, April 12, 2010, Blogger Submariner said…

    May surprise you, hon, but many guys go through the same thing. We've met and you know I struggle with my weight and getting older and the grey hair, etc. My spouse of 30+ reassures me as well. But I've seen the same thing - both male and female initiated because neither sex is immune to stupidity. "The Grass is Always Greener" Syndrome strikes universally, and previously intelligent people decide they just don't want to exert any effort any more. All you can do is hold on tight to each other while the maelstrom swirls about you. Draw close, take comfort in the fact that you both have got winners in the other and don't let the world change your view. Pray for your friends, your acquaintances, and always, always, always your spouse. Whether the media pundits will agree or not, marriage as an institution IS under attach in this country.

     
  • At 1:40 PM, April 13, 2010, Anonymous Joan said…

    I think the fact that you do worry is not an altogether bad thing. It assures him that you don't take him or his affection for granted. And there's nothing better than knowing with certainty that you are wanted by your woman...at least that's what I hear!

     
  • At 8:01 AM, April 14, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    But then there is the whole breaking of the bread, oh I mean't breaking of the beds thing going on. Keep that up and he won't be going anywhere. :)

     
  • At 10:49 AM, April 14, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Well said Joan.

    From a man's point of view:
    My wife worries occasionally that I will "find somebody" and leave her.
    Even though I have never given her any cause to think this way. Hell, I was with her when she was well over 300lb, and stayed %100 by her side as she lost 200lb.
    I tell my wife over and over that I cannot "find" if I am not looking.
    I take a lot of care to ensure that I never can be cast in a bad light.
    If I have as much as a text from a female, I will let her know so that way I can never be seen as "hiding" anything. The best thing is that she does the same for me. It builds our trust in each other.
    The only thing that gives her any doubts is her own insecurities. Her battles with that come and go, usually as a symptom of stress, or worry. But we deal with it, as trusting couples should....
    together
    Rob

     
  • At 8:09 AM, April 16, 2010, Blogger Christie said…

    sigh
    my husband has the same task- and thankfully I'm starting to believe that he is genuine

     
  • At 1:25 PM, April 23, 2010, Blogger Gadfly said…

    I hate that psychological dynamic. Insecurity about being left by someone you love can sometimes lead people to treat their loved one so bad that they end up running them off.

    In your case, however, he knew who you were when he married you, and he loves you. And he has a few of rules and regulations of his own, so it's not like he won't snap back if he thinks you're pushing too hard. I'd tell you to stop worrying, but that would be like telling water not to be wet ;-)

     
  • At 2:52 PM, May 06, 2010, Blogger Kim said…

    Silly bugger. I know and love both of you.

    HE's the one who should be insecure...

    ;=)

     

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