Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.

9.21.2004

The downfall of manhood - metrosexuals

AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!

One of the few pleasures I get from dragging three children to the barber shop is the small thrill of seeing cute young college boys in the barber shop or watching them walk by. Our favorite place to go is located right on the campus of the University of North Texas. But, today, I was sadly disappointed. All I saw were the artsy dorks on skateboards with cigarettes, some Mexicans and trailer trash ripping up a street (big shock - here, the streets are ripped up daily by city crews and left for weeks before they're repaired, but that is another blog entry entirely) and a whole slew of fag-boys carrying man-purses. Who the hell inspired this trend? What happened to the good old Jansport backpack?

I'm sorry if I offend my homosexual friends - you know I love you - but come on. Straight men should NEVER ever consider carrying a man purse. It is wrong. And, speaking of wrong, the Fab Five Queer Eye for the Straight Guy guys should be shipped back to San Francisco with the rest of the hippies (quoting Cartman here) because this is just messed up. If I want to screw someone prettier than me, I'll get a girlfriend. I think this thing has gone way overboard. Yes, we do like a man who will shed a tear when his dog or his grandpa dies. It is okay to let a tear stream down your cheek when your wife gives birth to your first born son. But, for God's sakes, leave it to me to cry at the Deep Space Nine season ender or the Kleenex commercials. You are not allowed to cry over something like that. But, back to the faggoty man-purses. I was deeply saddened to see so many otherwise hot young guys looking like homos carrying purses. Now, you can tell a husband who is carrying his wife's purse so she can tend to the children or carry her shopping bags or try on some new lingerie at Victoria's Secret. All are perfectly acceptable reasons to carry a purse, but if you're carrying your wallet in there - your man card is about to be revoked.

I read a great piece from Espn.com about the metrosexual trend last year and it is a good read. This woman speaks for many of us - me included. I want a sweaty, hairy, nut-scratching guy. Yes, he grosses me out when we're going to sleep and he rips a stinky fart, but you know what? That is what men do. And, I'm sure in some deep dark recess of our brains, we secretly are jealous of their ability to do that and not turn 14 shades of red. I love relying on my man to protect me, mow my lawn and fix our effed up air conditioning unit if he has to.

This ESPN Page 2 column tells it like it is.

I did a websearch to see how prevalent these things are and this fagmo has a whole website dedicated to where you can buy these things. Ohmifreakinggod. He even likes to shop for this stuff. Where does the insanity end?

I'm just glad that I have a real guy. I know, I know. There are moments when I would give my left boob for him to be a little more sensitive to me - there are too many occasions to give a great example, but he has his moments and for the most part, I would rather him be one of those guys that does the "I'm so macho" naked dance around the house than someone who spends more time grooming than a super model.

You can find out if you're a metrosexual by taking this quiz.

And, let's try to get rid of the man-purse thing. Please.

7 Comments:

  • At 7:23 AM, September 22, 2004, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Here here. Real men have gotten along just fine thank you very much with a wallet and our pockets. Man purses....ugh.


    off topic, but who keeps voting for masturbate in the poll? On second thought, maybe I don't want to know.

    Army of Dad

     
  • At 12:21 PM, September 22, 2004, Blogger Bane said…

    You've never whacked while driving? Gotta learn to multitask, baby. That's why you keep all the fast food napkins in the door pocket.

    Man, I wish I had the courage to carry a manpurse. What a great idea. I would get one of those nice black carry-purses for my .45, and keep all my other shit in it, too. A fat wallet looks like you squinched a turd in your pants. I haven't carried a wallet in years. I keep what I call a 'car-bag', a nice manly heathkit book bag. I keep my ID and cards in the front pocket of it, and slide whatever cards I need into my shirt pocket. I keep a pistol and several mags in it, too. Spare glasses (for reading, because of the whacking), floss, all kinds of shit you could never get in a wallet.

    And what's this crap against men crying? I'll cry when I'm kicking your ass. I cry during movies all the time. Now, crying over other shit is lame, but my wife and I have a little game where one of us finds an article that they know will make the other one cry. The kids look at us when we've both wiped each other out like "WTF?"

     
  • At 1:52 PM, September 22, 2004, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    Now, I know why men are always smiling in traffic when Army of Dad looks like he is going to have an aneurism.

    And Bane, I'm shocked. A man-purse and you openly cry? Wow. Did you take the metrosexual test to see how you scored?

     
  • At 3:16 PM, September 22, 2004, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    If you are going to go that far Bane why not go for a fanny pack? They make special ones for concealed carry...

    Army of Dad

     
  • At 9:21 PM, September 22, 2004, Blogger Bane said…

    If a gayer name for a product exists other than 'fanny pack', I do not know of it. AoM, I'll have you know that I scored ZERO on that test, and I was honest. ET nearly killed me. My ex and our girlfriend staggered out of the theatre in a mess of mascara and snot. And no, I was not wearing any mascara. Star Is Born? Ditto. If you didn't walk out of Jacob's Ladder crying like a baby, I know you not.

    I've been having a bitch of a time posting to your blog all day. I actually thought I had lost the above post/comment. Might wanna look into Haloscan.

     
  • At 10:50 AM, September 23, 2004, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    Blogger was effed up all day. It kept messing up and not saving my updates or not even letting me on. Haloscan may be in the works.

    Add Forrest Gump and Saving Private Ryan to the list of movies to which I'll look the other way if a man cries.

    And fanny packs are for queers or old people. I'll take a backpack or even a diaper bag over one of those. Swear to God.

     
  • At 8:09 AM, September 24, 2004, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    Army of Dad pointed out this blog post to me. It is fairly appropriate to this one.

     

Post a Comment

<< Home