Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.


*whew* One down, one to go

I shed one of my drain grenades this morning. *doing the dance of love Quasimodo style*

Let me start at the beginning. I feared that I was developing an infection because of excessive redness and fever in a few spots along my incision, so I called the after-hours nurse last night. She asked me to come in this morning to see the doctor. So, we went after Hot Rod's graduation fete. They took me right in and promptly told me to lose my panties and pants. Army of Dad loves it when attractive women disrobe me. So, he was enjoying himself immensely. This was the nurse I spoke with last night, by the way. She has me plop on the examining table and removes my bandages to check things out. The look on her face verified my fears. She goes and retrieves an even younger and more attractive nurse. I guess if you're a plastic surgeon, you get hot chicks to work for you or you do the work on them until they're hot.

The main nurse checked my drainage grenades and our log for output and decided to remove the right drain. Yippee! She said it might hurt, so I was squeezing AoD's hands and she cut the stitches and warned me with a count to three before she did it. That was it? Really? You're done? That didn't even hurt. It reminded me of the way it felt during a c-section when the doctors were tugging on the baby and my innards. No pain, just a weird sensation. Thank God for that one. Next, the cute nurse was removing the stitches from my cheek when the doctor came in. He started coaching the cutie patootie nurse how to do it in the quickest and easiest fashion. I asked him to train her with someone else, to which he chuckled. I was only half kidding. *shrug* But, she did fine. Army of Dad enjoyed looking at her, that is for sure.

He checked my wounds and pronounced me beautiful. Very proud of his work, he was. I told him about the constipation. He sort of shook his head and gave me a puppy dog face and said "Oh yeah, that is normal for it to take five to six days. I forget to tell people that." I told him he was fired. He told me to return in a week and we'll take out two of every three staples and possibly remove the other drain. Thank the Lord. Once it is out, I can return to sleeping in my bed. I miss my bed with the new mattress and hunky husband. ANother two weeks of swelling. I'll be so glad when it is over to see what I might look like. Right now, I can't tell a difference. I'm just uncomfortable all the time. These staples suck. But, end product. End Product. I have to keep telling that to myself. End Product.


  • At 5:18 PM, May 25, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Yeah, it really does matter how the stitches are removed. I had both hands done for carpal tunnel syndrome. Left hand, the nurse removed carefully sliding off to the side. No problems. Slight scar, considering.
    Right hand, different nurse, a quick jerking motion straight away from the skin at a 90 degree angle. One spot started bleeding again. The scar is a big white dot with a ridge.
    I'll bet you do feel better without a tube inside. Nasty stuff. Ending this escapade will be so nice. A story to tell the grandkids.

    Tell AoD that any trip to the dentist is worthwhile. The alternative is chronic pain, or dentures.

  • At 6:40 AM, May 26, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Well, several weeks ago we had the cat spayed and unfortunately, I had brought her into the vet too late, and kittens had to be taken before the proceedure.

    The cat had thirteen metal wire stiches and I pulled those without being sratched too badly.

    Now, if I can do that, AOD should be able to take your staples out with simialr results...

  • At 7:29 AM, May 26, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Yes, but the cat can't shoot you.

  • At 8:36 AM, May 26, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…


    Feed her some catnip before hand...

  • At 9:30 AM, May 26, 2005, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    Ha ha ha. You guys are a laugh riot.


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