Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.

10.05.2005

Sexual orientation and close calls

My daughter's daycare experience has left the family scarred. We'll never be the same.

Not only did she discover Barney and fall in love with the giant purple dinosaur, but she has become a Fag Hag. She is in love with The Wiggles. There is no way in the world these guys can be straight. Is there? I mean, who does these gay-ass dances (no offense NDT or Chad, I'm sure you DON'T dance like these guys and you know I'm a fag hag, too) and sing the Yummy Yummy song.

Now, I'd be lying if I said I didn't think it was precious when she sings Yummy Yummy and I Love You, You Love Me because those are some of her sweetest, cutest, most precious moments in the world. Not like when she woke me up at 4:30 a.m. because she was scared. Then, five minutes later, she had to pee. I guess it could be worse (again) because at least she wasn't waking me up because she was poopy.

She scared the bejeezers out of me. I had her happily watching said Wiggles with a cup of milk and a waffle slathered in peanut butter while I went to mow the yard so we don't look completely white trashy for her party Saturday (it is supposed to rain tonight, so I figured I better do it while we can). I thought I had her path blocked if she got into the garage. I was watching vigilantly, or so I thought, while mowing. Then, I caught a little red flash out of the corner of my eye and there she was standing in the yard giggling hilariously! My heart jumped into my throat as I turned the mower off, thanked God she was ok and scrooped her up (all in a split second)! I held her tight and kept saying "No, no, no baby. It isn't safe for you to be out here!" In her almost 3-year-old logic, she looked at me with her big brown eyes and said "I'll put my shoes on." I had to smile a bit as I pulled her as close to me as she could be without melding into my chest. I took her back in and cajoled her with the opening of the blinds so she could watch me mow.

I'm not sure whose guardian angel was working harder, hers or mine!

17 Comments:

  • At 9:12 AM, October 05, 2005, Blogger North Dallas Thirty said…

    Trust me, I am in constant danger of having my gay card, Neiman's discount, and parking privileges suspended due to a) lack of rhythm, b) not caring a lick about fashion, and c) living in a house with unpainted walls for two years.

     
  • At 9:33 AM, October 05, 2005, Anonymous Army of Dad said…

    Only two years...LOL we haven't painted much and we have been on our house for 6.5 years!

     
  • At 9:34 AM, October 05, 2005, Blogger Army Wife said…

    I don't mind the Wiggles, and I do not think they are gay.....

    They have groupies.....

    a bunch of suburban Moms show up at these shows with the girls hanging out.....

    they also have made a ton of cash....

     
  • At 10:09 AM, October 05, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'm pretty sure the Wiggles are married with kids, which is why they got into the business - they acted silly for their own kids and decided to turn it in to the business. I thought the same thing though when I first saw them...not that there's anything wrong with it, i just thought for sure they were.
    -Erica

     
  • At 10:36 AM, October 05, 2005, Blogger Jenny said…

    Oh the wiggles, I hate that show with a passion. The songs just grate on my nerves to no end. Of course Chase loves it. I usually have to leave the room while it's on lol.

     
  • At 12:21 PM, October 05, 2005, Anonymous chad said…

    No offense taken and if you remember from h/s my fashion sense and dancing skills are in top form!!
    Hope to see ya sometime in the near future!
    Chad

     
  • At 1:57 PM, October 05, 2005, Anonymous blessed-with-3 said…

    I heard that the Wiggles were all originally teachers before they started performing. I'm sure they are making a TON more money singing about Henry the Octopus and red cars than they did as teachers!

     
  • At 2:35 PM, October 05, 2005, Blogger Gadfly said…

    North Dallas Thirty: No paint on the walls! You are really losing snaps there. Next thing we know, you'll be found working on your car!

     
  • At 3:57 PM, October 05, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    For Real!! I only live in an apt. and within a month my kitchen was painted harvest gold/olive green and my bath coral/tourquoise!!LOL

     
  • At 3:58 PM, October 05, 2005, Anonymous chad said…

    by the way, that was Chad posted above

     
  • At 4:03 PM, October 05, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Is this " queer eye for the straight blog" ???? LOL

     
  • At 4:42 PM, October 05, 2005, Blogger Gadfly said…

    Knowing AoM, that would be Queer Eye for the Horndog

    *ducking*

     
  • At 5:00 PM, October 05, 2005, Blogger North Dallas Thirty said…

    (drops wrench, tries to wipe grease stains off his pants)

    And you have to understand as well, AoD.....the previous owner of my house was quite likely the laziest person ever seen. She not only painted around the bed.....she painted around the pillows that were laying against the wall on the bed.

     
  • At 6:43 AM, October 06, 2005, Anonymous Army of Dad said…

    NO freaking way...around the pillows!?

     
  • At 10:03 AM, October 06, 2005, Blogger Random and Odd said…

    BARNEY IS STILL OUT THERE?

    Oh god woman, I am so sorry!

     
  • At 11:43 AM, October 06, 2005, Blogger North Dallas Thirty said…

    Yes way....around the pillows, around the pictures she had hanging on the walls, all over the (white) baseboards, and finishing up with a paint spill on the carpet.

    If only she could have covered where it was supposed to go.....

     
  • At 9:27 AM, October 07, 2005, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    NDT - that sounds like a nightmare of a paint job. What a weirdo!

    Army Wife - that is sick to think of some soccer mom hitting on the dudes with her 3-year-old in tow!

    Gadfly - you are duly smacked!

    Kristine - it bothers AoD more than me - the Barney, that is!

     

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