Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.

9.13.2004

I hate snakes

This story doesn't help it. I remember being in the first grade and my school bus driver telling me about a snake coming up her toilet. Ever since then - I shit you not (pun intended) - I must look in the toilet before I sit my cute little butt on it to potty. I swear to God. In the middle of the night when I get up to go, I turn on the light and have a look-see before I sit atop the throne.

I heard this story on the radio this morning and it only reinforces that OCD-type habit of mine.

Officer Saves Couple From Slithery Surprise
Susan Schrock Fort Worth Star Telegram via Associated Press
DALWORTHINGTON GARDENS -- Gene and Mary Alice Coats' toilet troubles called for more than a plumber.
Gene Coats was watching Wheel of Fortune in his living room last week when he heard strange noises coming from the toilet in the front bathroom.
As soon as he got to the bathroom door, he came face to face with a 6-foot intruder. Coats ran out the door yelling to his wife, who scrambled to safety and dialed the Dalworthington Gardens police.
When volunteer officer Craig Driskell arrived at the California Lane home, Gene Coats was armed with a hoe, and his wife was standing on the kitchen counter.
The intruder, a black water snake, was coiled up next to the toilet.
Driskell -- a Fort Worth lawyer turned snake charmer -- knocked the scaly trespasser into the bathtub with the hoe, grabbed it behind the head and stuffed it into a pillowcase.
"He was fearless," Mary Alice Coats said. "He just went right in there and got it in his bare hands."
Driskell, who said the snake probably snuck into the windowless bathroom through the toilet, released the reptile into the lake behind the city's Public Safety Department.
"I'm glad I got the call because any of the other officers would have shot it," Driskell said jokingly. "I didn't want to put bullet holes in their tub."
Mary Alice Coats, who refused to come down from the counter until the snake was outside, said she still hasn't gotten over the commode commotion.
"Right now, we've got bricks on top of the commode," she said. "It was traumatic. I'm still not comfortable going in there."

17 Comments:

  • At 3:50 PM, September 13, 2004, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Sounds like a water moccasin...they are bad news. He should have killed the damn thing. There are plenty more of those mean motherfuckers and it wouldn't hurt to have one less in the world.

    AoM already knows that I have had my fair share of encounters with them...my only regret is that I didn't have the means to quickly kill any of them.

    Army of Dad

     
  • At 4:36 PM, September 13, 2004, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    I hate snakes, especially ones in my potty. And, I'm with you - one less snake in the world isn't going to shut down the food chain.

     
  • At 4:47 PM, September 13, 2004, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I bet Bane and his kid would both agree!

    Army of Dad

     
  • At 4:55 PM, September 13, 2004, Blogger gone_1 said…

    As my dearest father, born and raised in West Texas would say, "Kill the sumabitch."

     
  • At 7:44 PM, September 13, 2004, Blogger Bane said…

    Ever surf for snake fetish porn on the net? Don't. You don't wanna know where some people will put a damn snake.

    The son got sent back to the hospital today for tests. I hope he studied.

     
  • At 9:36 PM, September 13, 2004, Blogger Uzz said…

    I have had TOO MANY close calls with crazy snakes. I literally walked up within 3 feet of a coiled rattler while helping on a farm off the Brazos...came across a 7 foot rattler in my backyard in Waco and my neighbor called his weird buddy who caught the thing and took it home...numerous cottonmouths in Lake Waco and the Brazos...copperheads in Waco...and yes...we got to see a coral snake live and in person during a church retreat. They are just NOT cool!!!

     
  • At 9:36 PM, September 13, 2004, Blogger Uzz said…

    I have had TOO MANY close calls with crazy snakes. I literally walked up within 3 feet of a coiled rattler while helping on a farm off the Brazos...came across a 7 foot rattler in my mom's backyard in Waco and my neighbor called his weird buddy who caught the thing and took it home...numerous cottonmouths in Lake Waco and the Brazos...copperheads in Waco...and yes...we got to see a coral snake live and in person during a church retreat. They are just NOT cool!!!

     
  • At 8:33 AM, September 14, 2004, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    Uzz really does not like snakes - posted twice! Ha. I know he doesn't like tarantulas either!

    I had a snake dream last night and then another dream I'll probably blog about today! yuck.

    Reminds me of that Jim Stafford song from the early 70s. I don't like spiders and snakes, but that ain't what it takes to love me, like I wanna be loved by you. Or something like that. I was just a wee lass back then, but have fond memories of my dad getting silly and singing that with me.

     
  • At 9:36 AM, September 14, 2004, Blogger ~~J said…

    -Ever notice when you come upon a roadkill water moc, they're jaws are usually flattened wide-open? They attempt to bite the oncoming vehicle. Stupid!!!???
    Once found snake jaws still attached to a buddy's tire one night. Everyone here is right - There are plenty of those beasties out there. A few less wouldn't hurt.

     
  • At 10:26 AM, September 14, 2004, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    In my experiences with them they very first thing they do is open their mouths...mean bastards. Damn near stepped on a baby one time. That would have been bad since I was fishing by myself farther down a path than most people go.

    Army of Dad

     
  • At 8:48 PM, July 30, 2005, Anonymous carinata@yahoo.com said…

    Sounds like a harmless water snake genus Nerodia. Here in California thankfully it is illegal to kill snakes. I happen to love my snakes all 320 of them.

     
  • At 11:39 AM, November 20, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Snakes are the bomb

     
  • At 11:43 AM, November 20, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    you kill snakes your gay

     
  • At 11:45 AM, November 20, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Snakes are not the bomb! But don't kill them! HEHE
    From Amanda

     
  • At 11:46 AM, November 20, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    jake + rachel=love
    snakes rule love
    <3

     
  • At 9:30 AM, November 23, 2010, Anonymous Memai Rei said…

    I have three snakes, two cornies and a retic named Bubby. And I'm a 15-year-old girl who hopes to follow in her hero's (Steve Irwin) footsteps, but become a herpetologist. You'd be surprised how much more vicious your pet dog is compared to a pet snake. I hope to one day spread this word and help people realize that snakes are to be respected, not feared.
    My retic Bubby respects me and I respect him, retics are known to be a bit psycho. But in a proper living environment, Bubby is pleasent.

     
  • At 9:02 PM, July 19, 2012, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Exactly how I feel! Im also a 15 y/o girl, but only have 2 snakes, a ball python named Roxy and a red tail boa named Nikko. I dont understand how so many people can hate snakes when mine are more loving than a lap dog. They are such beautiful animals and its sad that almost no one respects them.

     

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