Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.


Letting it all hang out

Well, I managed to make it a fun day by stopping by Kohl's and Academy to buy Christmas gifts for my kids and a some new eyeshadow for me. Ok, I got that at Kohl's and not at Academy. That didn't sound right. *shrug*

Anyway. I went to get my boobs squished today by Lyn the boob tech. How would you like to have that job? Ok, some of you might volunteer for that job, but let me warn you that they advise ladies NOT to wear perfume or deoderant when we go to the appointment because it can eff up the results. So, you're getting nervous sweaty pits in addition to the boobs. Not that it would dissuade some of you sickos.

Ok, so I get there and fill out paperwork and sit with some old woman who keeps on talking about her eye surgery and another younger gal who was making fun of the stupid NY Times editor (I think that was where he was from) who was told he was out of touch by some conservative talking head on Fox. She called him an elitist who was out of touch with the masses. Instead of disputing her, he responded by agreeing that the Times is the most elite blah blah blah. Whatever. But, it was funny because he was simply agreeing with her. Then, it was my turn.

For some reason, the nurses always give me the messed up gown that only covers one boob. I know I have massive hooters, but damn, you'd think they'd design a gown that meets in the middle instead of cocked off to the side *pun intended*. So, I'm sitting in this dressing room with my right tit flopping out of the gown and trying to rig the gown to cover it while I read Finding Serenity. Lyn comes in and says "Here, put this gown over the front to cover you up. Wouldn't want you to pull a Janet Jackson."

So, we go back to the S&M room and go over my little form about my lump and the biopsy and my mom's breast cancer history. Then, she tells me to lose the second coverup gown. After me doing some yoga pose contortionist type moves to get my boob positioned just right, I finally lose the gown and just go au naturale. I lost my modesty after my first childbirth experience. So, four boob squishes total and I'm done. It really isnt' that bad. I mean, it isn't like I'd like to do this every day, but once a year is not so bad.

I did laugh at a display I saw that promoted the MammoPad® which said it "provides a warmer, softer, more comfortable mammogram." But, Lyn recommended it and said it does help. It did, I think. Instead of pancaking my DDs between two cold x-ray thingees, I had a mousepad and a cold x-ray thingee. *shrug* So, it is sort of relative. But, I'll take what I can get.

Now, I get to wait. Knowing that the lump is there and could grow makes me uneasy. I just hope I get the little "your boob is good as gold" and not the letter I got in July 2004 that told me my mammogram required further studies.

Now go vote for me. *disclaimer: any typos are for character and because I'm really tired.*


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