Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.

4.17.2009

Issues

I guess having my eldest child have some issues has helped me grow as a person and a parent. He has struggled mightily in his 14 years of life and he continues his uphill battle with as much dignity as he can, I suppose. My job is to love him, support him and give him as much help as I can. Often, I feel like a complete failure in this realm, but I keep on trying.

Most recently, we've been given the diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. A lot of it makes sense, but like anything else, not all of it. He has to be one of the most loving children I've ever met. Show him a baby, small child or an animal and his heart melts. He has so much love in him. But, he is a peculiar person. *shrug* He just is and always has been and the Asperger's makes sense in that realm. So, we keep on keeping on. He starts high school in the fall and we've been blessed to have a wonderful team (and I do mean a team as there more than a dozen educators, administrators, counselors and parents) working toward preparing him as best as we can for his future.

*deep sigh* So, we're doing what we can for him.

Now, my poor middle kid is suffering at the hands of a distressed child at his school. Hot Rod is extremely smart and very athletic. Of course, I think he's terribly cute, too. But, he has a nemesis at school. Another very bright child who, from my experience as a mother of a special needs child, needs more help than a mainstream classroom alone can provide. I believe he could benefit from the Social Adjustment Classes (SAC program) that Pickle has been in since fourth grade. I think he hasn't been put there because he is so incredibly smart. All year, Hot Rod has put up with this kid's idiosyncracies and I've encouraged him to ignore the outbursts. This the same child whose parents are atheists, just by the way. Not that it really matters, but is a side note. Hot Rod has been kind to this child and tries not to irritate him (as best as I can tell from working at the school and being around). But, this kid simply has issues. Yesterday, he lost it. Hot Rod was leaning his head in his hands and the kid thought his index finger (resting on Hot Rod's cheek) was "flicking germs" at him. *shaking my head - remember I said he has issues* and the kid jumped up and started yelling and grabbed Hot Rod's head and started shaking it.

Ok, this is where my patience for the child ends - when you assault my child. So, I sent a very nice note to the teacher and principal about it and told them in no uncertain words that my son has been told to defend himself if attacked. Thing is, my kid will be the one to look like the offender if he defends himself against the unstable kid. It is really sad. I worry about the poor little fella because I've watched him since second grade and his peculiarities have gotten worse progressively. Intervention is needed and, perhaps, this will be the final catalyst for it. I don't think he has peculiarities but some sort of mental disorder that may need medical intervention. *shrug* Like I said, as the parent of a kid with issues, I recognize it all too well. But, he needs help. I'm not mad at him. Honestly, I want to help him. I also want whats best for my boy and getting assaulted isn't it.

*sigh*

Off to take my car to the shop in the rain. *sigh* I need gas, too. Yuck.

8 Comments:

  • At 10:55 AM, April 17, 2009, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You are absolutely right in your note to the principal.

    Both our sons (now 22 and 19) were occasionally the targets of bullies between basically third and fifth grade. We told them both that they had better never hit first -- but that if they WERE hit first, they could feel free to hit back hard enough, and as many times as necessary, to end the altercation.

    We were gently chided by the principal that we should leave it to the "conflict resolution" protocol of the school. Sorry, we told them; our boys will hit back if hit first, and we will defend their right to do so before the school board if necessary, or even in court. Of course it never got that far.

    The last time we had to deal with this, we got a phone call from principal advising that our 5th-grade son was being kicked in the butt repeatedly while the class was in line; finally our son turned around and kicked back -- nailing the original offender right in the crotch. Kid had to go to the emergency room. "That probably wasn't the appropriate response," principal said to me. "Sorry, but I have to disagree," I responded; "it got the message across that he shouldn't have started the kicking." If the young man's parents wanted to take it up with us, they could do so, I said. They didn't. And of course, the bully never went near our son again.

     
  • At 1:06 PM, April 17, 2009, Blogger Susabelle said…

    Aspies (those diagnosed with Aspergers) come in all shapes, sizes, and types. One of the knowns about Aspergers, and the entire autism spectrum, is that there are no real norms. One kid can be very attracted to touch and exhibit a hundred emotions, another cannot even stand to be touched and has intense difficulty in any social situation, even one on one. It is the nature of the disorder. Many Aspies grow up to lead relatively "normal" lives, get married, have children, work at important jobs and do important things. Aspies are definitely "different," and sometimes, that's all it is, just a difference. He will learn to deal with his social needs as he matures, and so will those around him. It will never be perfect, but then again, non-Aspies don't have perfect lives either, now do they?

    I work with Aspies every day in my job, in a college environment. They may be labeled "disabled," but they are some of the smartest kinds on campus, and furthermore, don't seem to get in as much traditional "trouble" in college either. They have their goals, and oftentimes are single-mindedly focused on those goals, which virtually guarantees success. I've had bunches of them get their Associates here, and move on to four-year institutions to get a bachelor's.

    Have faith in your Aspie. He's a gift!

     
  • At 4:22 PM, April 17, 2009, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    Apparently the kid who assaulted Hot Rod was expelled. Hot Rod said his teacher told the class that the boy was not allowed to come to school today by the school district.

     
  • At 6:21 PM, April 17, 2009, Blogger Army Wife said…

    I feel for you here...more than you know

     
  • At 12:51 PM, April 18, 2009, Blogger Army of Dad said…

    This particular child is a frequent target for teasing. Hot Rod has typically been the kid he could be around since Hot Rod doesn't engage in that behavior as multiple teachers have told us over the last three years.

    That is another reason why this incident is so concerning. Hot Rod has been one of the few kids that would not engage in the teasing of this boy. With this kid lashing out at a child who does not torment him it is only a matter of time before it gets far worse. Hot Rod will defend himself eventually and this unfortunate child would be no match for a fully angered Hot Rod.

     
  • At 8:29 PM, April 18, 2009, Blogger justbarely said…

    Oh, I think you can come up with something creative here... I bet your ops are blacker than those of a elementary school kid...

    Good luck. El had a bitch kid in her class last year (yeah, that's right, I called a three year old a bitch)who just one day mellowed the f-out. Hopefully someone will slip your problem child something in his applesauce, too.

     
  • At 6:13 PM, April 21, 2009, Blogger Dustin Jolley said…

    You should put Hod Rod back into Karate class. Then, the other child wouldn't even think of toughing him again. Lol! I just started Tae Kwon Do myself yesterday. Lol!

     
  • At 3:13 AM, August 02, 2010, Anonymous Dev said…

    We had a similar experience with our son. I have a nephew with Aspergers so I'd like to think that neither we nor our son are intollerant or lack understanding for kids who exhibit any sort of behavioral problems. I've been inordinately proud of how unreserved he is in associating with our nephew.

    Unfortunately there's been a kid in his class who has ADHD, is probably autistic (I don't know) and may just be a heck of a handful, but he has 'episodes' where he basically wigs out. Sometimes its in the form of tantrums, other times he sulks, but lately he's been getting aggressive.

    Problem being is our boy (he's 7)recognises aspects of this kids behavior as reflecting aspects with our nephew and has basically tried to befriend the problem child. This means he's often near him when he implodes, which hasn't been a problem until lately when he's started lashing out.

    The teachers at his school have been really good but its sad for everyone involved. This kid's problems are obvious, his parents seem to be coping as best they can, the school is doing the dance between protectiveness and political correctness, and whilst my boy has a handle on mental health problems to the extent that any seven year old can, its been hard for him when he's making the effort. Breaks my heart to see him do his best to do right by this kid in those circumstances.

     

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