Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.


When it rains, it pours

My dear husband took off work early today, so we can have lunch together. In effort to try and get everyone where they need to be and accomplish all my work, I'm running around like the proverbial chicken with my head cut off.

I get my work done and then my editor calls about the time I'm walking out the door to give me another story. He's shocked when I turn it down, but dude, I have a life, too. I want to go eat with my folks and my husband. I don't want to do another story. He sits on the other end of the line in dead silence. He, sincerely, is shocked that I don't want it. Normally I would, but I like to have a life occasionally, too.


Texas Stadium

It may be old and not so great looking, but I still like it.

You know why they put the hole in the dome, right? So God can watch the Cowboys play.

We'll be somewhere in the nosebleeds this evening. We'll make sure and wave. I'm sure they'll spot us in the crowd. I'll be with the Vikings fans wearing their horns.


I'm so old

I just hate it when things bug me. I know it is because I'm getting old.

I was listening to Elton John and Stevie Wonder and The Motels ... and wondering if I'll even know what music my children will associate with their childhood. Will it be the Godsmack or Brad Paisley or John Mayer they hear their parents playing or will it be some crappy rap-R&B crap that is Top 40?

And, the biggest sign that I'm old: I don't understand MySpace. I really don't. I tried to go to pages for friends of mine and I just don't get it. At all.

The worst movies I've ever seen

This list could get really long and really ugly, so I'll sum it up with just a few losers that are in the forefront of my mind. Let me premise this list with the fact that I've actually seen all of these movies. I'm not even going to mention the ones that I refuse to see.

1. Serendipity starring one of my favorite actors, John Cusack. The premise of the movie is absolutely infuriating. These two people bump into each other and decide they're soul mates before losing touch and then they blow what appear to be loving relationships to go in search of each other before they wed their fiances. John Cusack's character knows the chick's first name only and the chick doesn't even know his name. Just stupid. Two hours of my life I wish I had back.

2. Animated feature Doogal with voice talent from many of my favorite stars. They couldn't save this dog of a film. Not only do I wish I had those two hours of my life back, but I want back the brain cells I lost while watching it.

3. This one may cause a divorce in my house, but Starship Troopers. What in the hell is this all about? Campy in a really bad way. Doogie Howser and the giant bugs were enough for me.

4. Tremors 1 through whatever godforsaken number they last made one.

5. Star Wars: Attack of the Clones. It was just so bad. I can't even begin to say all the things that bugged me about it. I liked Episode 1 and 3 and of course LOVE the original three, but this one, not so much.


Pigskin hunk

Watching the Bengals the other night and was so happy to see Carson Palmer back up and at 'em. He led me to the playoffs in fantasy football last year. When he went down, so did my chances at winning the league. But, it made me appreciate his talent and ok, well, he's a cutie, too. What can I say?

Talent and good looks: I love the combo.

Look at those arms.

Have you ever noticed lots of quarterbacks have the chin dimple? I sort of like that - good thing, too, since my honey has one.

I wish this shot was bigger, he's all cleaned up here.

He's got the John Gruden look going on with the visor.

Happy Hump Day ladies.


It has started

I dug out some old CDs *see U2 post below* and have been listening them to the day while I'm writing.

Listening to Wings Greatest after picking up the boys and get this from the 11-year-old:

Pickle: *said with disgust in his voice* Mom, what are you listening to?
AoM: Paul McCartney.
Crickets: *chirping*

This from the boy who wears a Beatles T-shirt. *humph*

No moos is bad news

After dropping the middle boy off at elementary school this morning, I saw a dead cow on the side of the road. Flat on its back with its legs straight up in the air. I almost thought it was some fake cow off a billboard or something. But, with cattle fields on both sides of the highway, it could have easily gotten out, hit by a car and then rolled down the side of the road.

Just weird.

In May, with a few weeks left of school, I saw a bobcat run across the road after dropping the boys off at school. I saw a coyote this summer, too, just beebopping across the road.

I guess we're more in the boonies that I thought.

Best U2 CD

By far, the best of all of U2's stuff has to be War.

I just love all of the songs: Surrender, Like a Song, Seconds and Refugee are those songs that weren't in the mainstream, but are just sooo good. Of course, you have Two Hearts Beat as One (one of my favorite songs EVER), New Year's Day and Sunday Bloody Sunday. 40 is also incredible. I remember this one in concert - the music stops, all you get is the drum beat and the entire audience in a sold out Reunion Arena in Dallas (boy, does this date me - saw U2 on the Joshua Tree tour) was singing it over and again. *getting goosebumps remembering it*


Chinese Toonces

Remember Toonces the driving cat from Saturday Night Live? Apparently this Chinese lady decided to let her dog be the next Toonces when she gave him a driving lesson.

Apparently, the dog is as good of a driver as his owner is smart.


Showdown Thursday

Either way, I lose. If my Cowboys win, then my men will be pissy. If my Cowboys lose, then my guys will be full of it. But, it should be good.

We're going to the preseason game Thursday night. We got some tickets relatively cheap off ebay from a ticket broker. It will be Hot Rod's first professional football game in person. I'm stoked and can't wait to go.


It was a dark and stormy night

Ken at It Comes in Pints tagged me. *snickering at the meaning "tagged" had when I was in college*

But, he tagged me with a book meme. So, here we go.

1) A book that changed my life:
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
This seriously helped my in my marriage. I have a better perspective of where the dude is coming from now.

2) A book I've read more than once:
What to Expect When You're Expecting (I've got three kids, what can I say?)

3) A book I'd take to a desert island:
This is a hard one. Probably the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I love these characters.

4) A book that made me laugh:
Falling Up by Shel Silverstein - my father-in-law gave this book to my oldest boy and there are some good little stories in there to incite laughter.

5) A book that made me cry:
I Love you forever - my oldest used to like to ask me to read this book because I could never get through it without crying. My middle kid does the same thing with The Kissing Hand. The Chronicles of Narnia made me cry with the final book.

6) A book I wish had been written:
How to make children eat and like their veggies before going to bed without a fuss and never sassing their mother along with its companion, How to make your husband tell you that you're gorgeous every day

7) A book that should never have been written:
Dude, Where's My Country by Michael Moore - *please say his name like you're spitting out a dirty word with vile contempt* I don't even have to say anything else.

8) A book I'm currently reading:
Close Range by Annie Proulx - I'm so not enjoying this. I have been trying to suffer through this short story collection for what seems like forever. It has Brokeback Mountain in it, but it is the last story. I can see where she is an uber talented writer. I'm just not into the Western genre and the characters are often icky people I don't care to read about. She likes to write about the dark side of people, it seems.

9) A book I'm planning to read:
Nerds Like It Hot - I got this from a website where I'm going to do some book reviews. Looks like a funny, romantic mystery.

10) Five people I'll send these questions on to (also known as who can I burden with one more thing to do today):

El Capitan at Baboon Pirates



Mo at Six Degrees of Blondeness

Gadfly at Mental Floss


Only 10 months of waiting

I almost passed out when I realized that I won't get to see The 4400 until next June.

The season finale tonight was a doozy. I won't ruin it if you Tivo'ed it or something, but suffice it to say that it was a good one. A really good one. For those of you who don't watch, but are Serenity fans, you might consider watching it. Summer Glau is a regular now.

*deep sigh*

June. That is a long time to wait. I've already put my request in with Santa for seasons 1, 2 and 3 on DVD. Last time I looked at, they had the first two seasons for about $20 a piece, which isn't bad.

This is such a good show. It is right up there with DS9 and Firefly. Seriously.


50 Random Questions

I stole the question thingee from El Capitan. So, here we go:

What curse word do you use the most?Goddammit!

Do you own an iPod? No, I'm still stuck in the 80s.

Who on your MySpace "Top 8" do you talk to the most? MySpace? Like, that is so totally for teenagers and I, like, don't get what all the, like, fuss is about. Ya know? *insert giggle for effect*

What time is your alarm clock set for? depends on the day. today 6 a.m.

What color is your room? The same crappy off white from when I moved in. I plan to do some painting this year.

Flip flops or sneakers? I like my sandals, but not necessarily the flip flops.

Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?Take the picture.

What was the last movie you watched? at the movies, Barnyard

Do any of your friends have children?Most of them do.

Has anyone ever called you lazy?Not very often.

Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep faster?Nope.

What CD is currently in your CD player? John Mayer in the kitchen, Staind in the minivan and NIN in the bedroom *bow chinky bow wow*

Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk? I like both. Chocolate milk feeds my sweets cravings.

Has anyone told you a secret this week? Yep.

Have you ever given someone a hickey?Uh, *pushing toe of my shoe in the dirt and looking around* uh, er, last week, yes. *scroll back up three questions to the bow chinky bow wow music*

Who was the last person to call you? Uzz, my ex, to tell me when he's bringing Pickle back home.

Do you think people talk about you behind your back? Oh, I'm sure they do.

Did you watch cartoons as a child? Hell yeah. Saturday mornings rocked with Looney Tunes, Schoolhouse Rock, Smurfs, Schmoo, Captain Caveman, etc.

How many siblings do you have? one

Are you shy around the opposite sex? uh, no.

What movie do you know every line to? Princess Bride, Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Do you own any band t-shirts? I used to when I was in high school and college. Right now, I have my old Huey Lewis and the News shirt in a box upstairs and my father-in-law gave me a Lyle Lovett shirt a few years back.

What is your favorite salad dressing? Ranch

Do you read for fun? When I can sneak away from children and find a good book.

Do you cry a lot? My friends will laugh at that question. I cry at the drop of a hat.

Who was the last person to text message you?LabKat

Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop? Both.

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? I would love to get some, but I'm too big of a chicken to follow through with them.

What is the weather like? Effing hot.

Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos? If I weren't married. Date, yeah. Marry, probably not, but it would depend on the responsibility of the guy.

Is sex before marriage wrong? According to the Bible, yes. But, personally, I think sex is a very important part of a marriage relationship and if you're not compatible there, the marriage will fail. So I sort of think that the right/wrong morals have changed there since the scriptures were written. I mean, for cripe's sakes, it says it is wrong to lay with an "unclean" woman (meaning a chick on the rag) and I really don't think that is a sin. Times have changed. *putting away soapbox*

When was the last time you slept on the floor? Geesus, probably last nap I took watching some sporting event on TV last winter.

How many hours of sleep do you need to function? eight.

Are you in love or lust? Both on a regular basis.

Are your days full and fast-paced?OHMIGOD, are you kidding me? I never get to slow down.

Do you pay attention to calories on the back of packages?I do now.

How old will you be turning on your next birthday?38

Are you picky about spelling and grammar?I'm a writer, what do you think? I don't care in emails, text messages or IMs, but in real letters, etc. yes.

Have you ever been to Six Flags?We had season passes every year till I got pregnant with Little Bit. Then, we missed a couple of years and then got them again two years ago. Didn't get one last year because I was working and didn't get them this year because of my mom's inability to get around as well since her stroke. But, we love that place.

Do you get along better with the same or opposite sex? Depends on what the issue is. Typically, I think I work better with men. However, I can bitch better with women.

Do you like cottage cheese? Yep. Especially like it with the cheapy baco-bits and croutons. MMM.

Do you sleep on your side, tummy, or back?All three.

Have you ever bid for something on eBay?Yep. I get alot of gifts that way because it is hard to find Sonic the Hedgehog stuff and Minnesota Vikings goodies.

Do you enjoy giving hugs? Absolutely. I was hugging my soccer players today. Gees, I really love most of those kids.

What song did you last sing out loud? Take it Easy by the Eagles while the band at Traildust was playing tonight during dinner.

What is your favorite TV show? Right now, Project Runway.

Which celebrity, dead or alive, would you want to have lunch with? Preferably alive - Billy Boyd

Last time you had butterflies in your stomach? When I met Alan Tudyk (Wash from Serenity/Firefly.)

What one thing do you wish you had? my pre-children figure back

Favorite lyrics? There are many. So many that it is a toss up. I really like Daughters by John Mayer, but I also love Don't Take the Girl by Tim McGraw and The Good Stuff by Kenny Chesney. I also like alot of Martina McBride songs. She has such meaningful lyrics. Music is so powerful to me. There are so many songs I could name, it is hard to pick even just a few. Live and Creed each have a few songs that remind me of my children. Some of these songs aren't necessarily "favorite" as in ones I really like, but ones that are very moving.

Name by the Goo Goo Dolls is a favorite:

Scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there
Did you get to be a star
And don't it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are
You grew up way too fast
And now there's nothing to believe
And reruns all become our history
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio
And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell em your name
I think about you all the time
But I don't need the same
It's lonely where you are come back down
And I won't tell em your name

Not sure why this one hits me so hard, but I cry every time I hear it on the radio. Just so sad.

If you want to play along, let me know you did in the comment and I'll come check it out.


It's not a tumor

As Ahnold would say.

I got a call from my doctor's office. My MRI was normal. No tumor. No aneurysm and no MS. WOO HOO. *doing a little dance*

My lipids are still abnormal, so I'm not positive what that means, but I'm going back to the doctor next week to talk to him about that.

No EEG results yet.

SPF: Not that I'm bitter or anything

Kristine at Random and Odd must have been grouchy when she made this Stuff Portrait Friday assignment compilation. We have:
1. Stuff that annoys the living shit out of you.
2. YOUR space.
3. Something in your life that keeps the makers of Xanax in business.

So, I had SOOO many choices, it was hard to narrow it down. But, I did my best.

There are so many things that annoy the living shit out of me. It was hard to do decide where to start. I thought about a picture of my tingling feet or my needle-pocked arm, but decided against those gory details and opted for the latest grater of nerves: the dead computer, which seems to linger in my office floor.

Gateway did pretty well, considering he was 7. The funeral mass was lovely except for the little IT ladies in the corner reciting their Rosary.

Ok, the second part of the assignment: My space. Again, I had many options. I thought about the inside of an MRI, but decided that was more my "lack of space." So, this time, you get the little part of my office where I have my hodge podge of tacky little knick knacks. These all hang out on these shelves because there is really no good place for them and I like having them out.

On top, we have my football marking the 25th anniversary of Texas Stadium, my Kasey Kahne shrine, some thingees made by my son. Then, there is a small display of penguins, some baptism and wedding pics, my first Precious Moments figurine given to me by my surrogate grandpa when I was a little girl, my Cowboys candle my dad made for me, my Ringo Starr bobblehead and my soldier/bride teddy bear thingee. That next shelf with the family fishing pictures (both of the boys' first catches are there) adn the baby books and some books I haven't read yet.

Then, there is something that makes my life stressful. Again, I thought about the MRI machine and my arm, but I opted for the obvious: bills, my children and soccer.

This is only one pile of them. The medical bills have their own pile. They have a complex about it, too, because they don't get all the attention these other guys get. THAT is annoying, too.

My kids stress me out, too. If they're not irritating one another, then I'm worrying about them. Gees, I love love those kiddos.

Soccer is something else that may one day give me an ulcer. People don't realize all that goes into coaching and it gets frustrating to spin your wheels. These are the uniforms for our little team. We still haven't gotten the ones for the big team. That will add another 15 to the pile. And, we have games on Saturday. That should be fun, huh?

So, did you play?


Kissing the lipless

Of all the random things, goofing off on my computer tonight and was checking out the sample music loaded on my new Dell *just gotta say DUUUUUDE when I say Dell*. Anyway.

I found The Shins on here and I am so digging it. I can't quite describe it, but they have a very XTCish-Ben Folds Five sort of sound. I'm loving it. I may have to buy a new CD soon.

Go check out the site. Cracks me up, too, because they certainly don't look like rock stars. They look like the guy in HR or payroll or something.

One of those days

I feel like Riker in that ST:TNG episode where the aliens are kidnapping him while he is sleeping and doing experiments on him and he is getting no sleep each night. He is on edge and crabby and looks haggard.

Imagine that on me, only no beard and manly swagger.


I'm tired and sore and Wednesday was a shitty day. Shitty. I should have capitalized it the first time. S to the hitty, SHITTY.

Get up late in the morning. Get everyone dressed and pack up my laptop figuring I'll have time to work while sitting in waiting rooms. EVERY time I got the computer out, they'd call me. Didn't matter if I pulled it right out, they'd call me for something stupid and I'd put it up. They'd be done with me in five minutes to go return to the waiting game. So, I finally gave up with that.

Mother calls to complain about my cousin. Explain to mom that I'm running late and not even dressed and have to leave in 15 minutes.
Get out the door, drop off Child No. 2 at school. Fine.
Drop off Child No. 3 at preschool. She won't go without Curious George and letter she made for her friend. Fine.
Child No. 1 now remembers he is hungry. So, we stop by donut shop. I have enough change in my purse for one small milk and a pig in a blanket.
Drop off Child No. 1 at school.

Off to be bled for the second time in three days.
Leave to go home and get some work done briefly, even though my mind is everywhere but on work.

Pack up laptop and head to Panera to work while having a bowl of soup. Only wi-fi isn't working right for first 15 minutes. Realize that the soup was a mistake. It tastes like crap. *sidenote* I should NEVER order cream of potato soup anywhere. Army of Dad makes the best in the world, hands down, and everyone else's is crap.
Wifi finally works. Get some work accomplished.
Doctor's office calls. I need to go sign paperwork to send off blood. No time now, I have to be at the hospital in 25 minutes for EEG.

Arrive at hospital at 11:55 for noon procedure.
No can do. Gotta go sell my first born before they'll let me see anyone. Gotta wait to do that. So, after I am sitting there in tears at the thought of more bills, I finally agree to donate a kidney to pay for my procedures. J/k, by the way. I have to wait for the registrar to get my information that she already had. *rolling my eyes*

Finally, it is now 12:45 and I get in the waiting room for the EEG. I have to fill out MORE paperwork that no one even looks at. Finally, someone comes to get me about 12:55. I go and the tech scratches various parts of my scalp, applies some gel and electrodes and we're off to the races. I sit in the dark with my eyes closed for 20 minutes dreaming of heading to Hedo for an adults only retreat with my man. About the time, I relax enough to fall asleep, she wakes me up to flash lights at me. Then, I have to hyperventilate for three minutes to "stress" my brain for the test.

Now, I get to head back to imaging and am forced to watch MSNBC and watch some crazy gal claim to be Osama Bin Laden's "mistress/sex slave" back in 1996. Apparently, nutjob wrote a book about it. I'm trying to ignore her and read a little pamphlet I found on the wall about MRIs and it explains what it means to have it done with contrast. Well, hell. I didn't know I was going to get another stick. Dammit.

Ok, then the tech - who smells of cigarette smoke - comes to get me. He leads me back to a changing room, where there is a locker for me to put my valuables and then he leads me to the chamber of horrors that is the MRI machine. I thought I could handle it. I was wrong. I flashbacked to the tunnels closing in on me at Chuck E. Cheese one time when Little Bit got scared up there and I had to go get her. I freaked out and almost hyperventilated. It was so bad, some kid's dad was helping me to sit down when I came out because I was so freaked. The tech tells me it will be about 13 minutes the first time. He gives me some ear plugs because it gets loud in there, he tells me. He wasn't kidding. I kept thinking someone was about to drill into my skull at any moment. Then, no one warns you about all the various noises. They all change. I imagined the Chuck E. Cheese portrait taker machine that snaps your picture and then sketches a picture. It sounded a bit like that at times. I am in the machine - eyes closed the whole time, mind you - and you can't move for fear of messing up the image. No way in hell I'm getting back in this thing, so I want it done right the first time. While I was in there, I was counting to help keep track of how long I had left. I figured this way, I would know in a finite way how much longer the torture would endure. Then, I get to 13 minutes. Then, 14, then 15 and finally at 16, I've decided he has forgotten me and gone to take a smoke. I'm about to freak. I felt my head about to explode, my body is wracked with tremors. I'm wishing I had never seen the CSI episode where the dude gets buried alive. I start thinking about Star Trek episodes when people inserted things into red shirt heads. I'm prepared to start screaming to get me out about the time he pulls me out. I look at him and beg him to let me out for a few minutes before we do the next part. Very patiently, he tells me that if he lets me out, we have to do it ALL again. So, I weep quietly as he prepares to give me the injection for the contrast part. He reassures me that he does about 1,200 MRIs each year and he has never lost anyone in the machine.

"As soon as you're done, I'll pull you out and put someone else in there. When they're done, I'll pull them out, too. You're almost done, hang in there."

So, he told me the first part was 3.5 minutes and the second is 2.5. So, I counted again. And fortunately, this time, he was right. I'm not sure I've ever felt more scared for myself in a very long time. I had the shakes for a good 20 minutes afterwards.

I determined right then and there that I now understood those people who are chronically ill and don't want to take treatments to prolong their lives. I alway thought they were selfish, but I was so scared and my right arm still hurts from all the pokes. I admire those people who endure treatments and tests. They're stronger than anyone would ever give them credit for. I feel like such a wuss. I know God gave me cancer as a child because I was resilient and strong. I don't think I could make it through with such a bright demeanor as I did when I was 7.

I look like a drug addict with all the track marks on my arm, but I'm feeling better today. I felt like crap yesterday. After all the other stuff, while I was running errands, I left my keys at a store and thought I had locked my keys in my car. That caused a brief panic. Then, I got pulled over by a sheriff's deputy, who said I ran a red light about five blocks earlier. I went through when it was yellow and the lady in the lane next to me ran it, because she was behind me. Anyway. I politely told him that I didn't run it and went through on yellow and he disputed that and said the city will likely be sending me a ticket. Whatever. I don't think it was me who ran the light. That sucked.

Then, the queen mother of insult to injury - my Aunt Flo arrived last night.

*sigh* Today had to be better. It was. Tomorrow, I am getting my hair done and going to play. I can't wait.

There's no place like home

Army of Dad's best friend, Rob Rob the Hearthrob who is in Iraq for the next year, sent me an email today. I guess he is reading into my final words of EVERY letter and EVERY email: Stay Safe.

He concluded his latest email to me with this:

Don't worry I am safe. The living conditions over here are much better this time around. I live in a metal box that they call a CHU (containerized Housing Unit). The CHUs have A/C, we also have trailers that are set up for showers and toilets with running water and we have A/C running to them too. I work in an old airport hanger that works well as a bunker. The concrete is about 3 feet thick. We do have to worry about Mortars but there isn't much we can do about that.

Ok, I think that is good. Or as good as it is going to get. I was thinking of sending him some ruby slippers to click together when he wants to come home. But, I'm guessing the other soldiers might call him a pansy if they saw him wearing them. Plus, with what is left of his thinning red hair, it isn't a good color for him.

Keep him in your prayers, please.


Heavenly hotties

Looking for adorable men has been the last thing on my mind this week as I've surfed the web. I've been busy *gasp* working or searching for medical information.

But, I went with a heavenly theme this week with two shows I never watched, but had cult followings and even sound like something I'd like. So, here we have something for the guys and something for the ladies: Dark Angel and Angel.

She really is a doll.

And, oh my. I would have watched the show had I seen this guy on it.

Enjoy folks.


Give it to me straight, doc

On second thought, don't tell me the worst case scenario. K?


There is so much that I don't know where to start. A few weeks ago, I had an episode in which my vision went pixelated on the far right side for about 30 minutes. It did that pixelization thing and then I had some blind spots. The next night, I believe I had a petit mal seizure. I experienced these as a girl, but hadn't had one since I was about 23. I stopped taking medication when I was around 24 because it was known to cause birth defects and I wanted to have a healthy baby - so I knew I needed to get it out of my system before becoming pregnant. Anyway. I was sitting at the computer and it came on.

Then, about a week later I started having that feeling like your feet are going to sleep - that pins and needles feeling. Except, it wasn't brief. It lasted for about four hours in my right leg. Then, it came back in both legs. It has gotten worse over the past week or so. It had been only when I stayed in one position for too long. Now, it does it when I'm sitting, standing, exercising, you name it. They hurt as often as not. Apparently, this is called paresthesia.

I started immediately thinking of Type 2 Diabetes. I'm chunky and sedentary and the symptoms all make sense. He checked my circulation in my arms and legs and it is fabulous, so that is good.

The doctor is leaning more toward something neurological. Yippee. No comments about something being wrong with my head - we knew that already.

He did order a blood test to check my lipids. They are "abnormal" and I return in the morning for a fasting lipid-something blood test. So, I likely have high cholesterol. No surprise there as I eat ground beef and french fries way too much.

After the blood test, I go for an MRI and EEG. He wants to verify that I did have a seizure and one of those tests should confirm that. He also said it will help him rule out a tumor, aneurysm or MS. Thanks, doc, just what I wanted to hear. He said our best case scenario is simply that my epilepsy has returned and I will resume meds and monitoring for that. And, well, I'm not sure what could be worse than a tumor, aneurysm or MS.

I know just enough medical jargon and information to be dangerous and paranoid. I've been exhausted for the past month, overwhelmed emotionally and not really myself. Army of Dad had an intervention for me on our date night Saturday. He gave me the lecture about how I need to take better care of myself by exercising. My self-imposed pity party is over. I heard what he said. Coming from a guy who HATES the whole communication stuff, for him to say something, I know he is worried about me. I have to take that seriously.

So, I worked my computer to its circuits today, quit feeling sorry for myself and even put on makeup! I got out the exercise bike and have ridden it a couple of times. I figure a slow start is better than no start.

So, there it is. I couldn't possibly let ArmyWifeToddlerMom out-do me with tales of her wuthering uterus. So, take your hysterectomy and I raise you the threat of MS and brain tumors. HA!

Ok, seriously folks. I'm fine and I'm sure the doctor's final words will be the case when I asked him about his prognosis:

"We may never know what the cause was and it may go away on its own. We just need to rule out the worst."

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth

Finally, my late teether has lost his second top front tooth. It actually fell out while he was sleeping last night. Those two teeth have been dangling for a few weeks now. He had his dad pull one Sunday night. But, those permament teeth are already mostly in there! Little toot.

We had a toothless photo shoot this morning in between Flip Flop waffles with peanut butter on them. I think you can see the PB on him in the shots. Oh yeah, and the Twins hat. He wears that from the time he gets up until he hops out of the car for school. Then, he tosses it into the front seat.

I'm guessing he has more of a career as a Calvin (From Calvin and Hobbs) impersonator rather than a runway model judging by these shots.

Whew, that is a mouth full of metal. Yikes.

Looks like Peanut Butter on one of the teeth coming in, too. Eww.

Finally, a nice smile. Albeit with peanut butter everywhere.

What is this you speak of?

I've been in a funk for a few weeks *I'll blog more about that later.*

Exchange at bedtime last night:
Army of Dad: Did you take off your makeup?
Army of Mom: What is this 'make up' of which you speak?
*chuckles from both of us*

Pink Taco Stadium

*snickering and giggling like a junior high kid*

Apparently, a company named Pink Taco wants the naming rights for the new Arizona Cardinals Stadium.

*still laughing*

And, refrain from the "at least it isn't Fish Taco Stadium."



Happy and Period don't belong in the same sentence

Watching TV yesterday with my honey and I wasn't paying a lot of attention as I was folding laundry or whatever and I hear these two words in the same sentence: happy period.

I looked up and glanced at the TV. Yes, happy period.

I looked at my husband asked him if that is what it said or if I misunderstood it. Nope, he concurred. Happy period.


Those words DO NOT EVER belong in the same sentence.

It seems Always pads paid some crack-smoking ad exec for this campaign. Now, I used to use Always until I discovered that WalMart's generic version works just as well for a fraction of the cost. But, the happy thing might have ooged me out. Looking at their website, it looks like the campaign is geared to girls and maybe it will work for them. It wouldn't work for me.

Happy period. Ha.

Selling ourselves short

We're raised to be caretakers and compassionate. We are "little mamas" from the time we can walk around and drag a baby doll with us. I'm talking about women.

Seems a study found that we sell ourselves short when it comes to making money, too, as we value relationships more than profit. It still doesn't counter the effect that having a penis makes when interviewing for jobs, though. Men often pay men more. Plain and simple. I have worked several jobs where that has happened. I would like to think that it isn't the case overall, but when we sell ourselves short, it doesn't help the cause.



Weather Forecast: Hot, again

It is oppressive and I'm tired of it. REALLY.REALLY.TIRED.OF.IT.

It is only supposed to be 100 on Saturday. Yippee. Gees. I can't believe that makes me happy. The weather guessers are predicting a high of only 91 on Wednesday and here I am doing the dance of love.

Even the critters are hot.

This little fella was hanging out - literally -in the tree in our front yard. He just sort of twitched and glanced at the kids as they went to look at him. You could just see his teeny-tiny little wheels turning that he really didn't even care if we were a threat, it is too flipping hot to care. He might have wanted us to put him out of his little furry misery.

The Breakfast Club

My next door neighbor and I have this great deal worked out. Whenever one of us buys something that our kids won't eat, we give it to the other.

This morning, for instance, I got a box of strawberry Go-tarts, a box of Kellogg's Yogos (the kids LOVED these) and some cream-cheese filled pretzels. Mmm. I gave her a box of cinnamon waffles and some frozen McDonald's style hashbrowns. Each of us were completely thrilled with this new acquisition.

It is a deal that works out well for us. We aren't wasting and we feel like we're getting a bargain by acquiring something else. I highly recommend an exchange like this if you ever find a willing neighbor.

SPF: Whatcha got?

Kristine at Random and Odd gave us some basic instructions this week ,but you know, I can never just follow instructions. I know you're all shocked.

But, here it is:
1. Your Supplies (home, office, school — whatcha got?)
2. Your Bag (we’ve done it before, but I know you all change purses like I change undies)
3. Your Mail box (most look the same nowadays so pan out and let me see where you go get your mail

Ok, my supplies, I sort of followed instructions. This is the drawer in my computer desk. You can tell I like CD envelopes.

Men and baseball, that's my bag baby!

Austin Powers: I don't even know what this is! This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby. Quartermaster Clerk: One book, "Swedish-made Penis Enlargers And Me: This Sort of Thing Is My Bag Baby", by Austin Powers.

This is Hank Blalock's little brother. He is an outfielder for the Frisco RoughRiders, which is the AA affiliate for the Rangers. Wowsa, he was hot.

My mailbox

My mailbox out front is not too exciting and it is covered in bird poo. Not real conducive to the blog. But, this is the mailbox I tend to frequent more often.

Did you play?


Need your help

A fellow mommy blogger made a strange request of me and I'm hoping others out there can help.

It appears one of her youngsters did something funny by putting mom's panties on the kiddo's head. Mom sees this, thinks its funny, snaps picture and posts it on her blog. Only thing is that the ex-husband didn't see it as funny and is trying to use this against her in divorce proceedings.

She was hoping that maybe if she can find other silly and embarrassing pictures of youngsters in compromising (yet not tasteless) links, she can demonstrate what a douche her ex is for even suggesting that she is unfit because of the child doing something goofy, her taking pic and posting it.

Do you know of any similar type links you could post in the comments?


Just bring it on people.

I'm throwing down.

BEST.SCI.FI.SHOW.EVER. -- Deep Space Nine.

No competition. Good character development - Sisko as the reluctant emissary; the development of Major Kira as a person and a woman and not just a warrior fighting for her planet. Great conflict between Odo and Quark. Wonderful storylines with each character spotlighted from time to time. War with lots of players in the game. And, *purring* Klingons.

The show never got old. It never got boring and I fell in love with the characters. Spike TV just started the series over and I'm getting to watch it all over again. I'm giddy.

Bring it on.

Tough Choices

I laughed hysterically at the answers El Capitan at Baboon Pirates gave to the quiz. So, I just had to take a stab at it.

Would you rather:

1. Watch a porno with your parents OR starring your parents? Since my parents have likely only had sex a handful of times, I'm thinking it would be hard to get them in a porno. Plus, it wouldn't be much fun. My mom has had a mastectomy and only has one boob. Plus, she'd be bitching at my dad the whole time for the way he did things. I can hear it now, instead of a good moan and groan, she'd be like "Dammit, D. Why the hell can't you do it the way I like it instead of just in and out, in and out?"
I got stuck watching "Blue Lagoon" with my dad when I was in high school and I didn't die, so I suppose I'd rather watch it with them, given the choices.

2. Lick the handle on a public restroom toilet OR eat a wad of toilet paper from the stall floor? Hmm. I guess licking the handle and then disinfecting my mouth immediately afterward with an entire bottle of Scope.

3. Be MC Hammer OR Vanilla Ice? Ice Ice Baby. A friend of mine lived in Paris, Texas, in junior high and Vanilla Ice was her first kiss. They were in pep squad together. No lie. She showed me her school yearbook. She's a lesbian now, so I wonder what that says about him? Hmm. But, still, I'd be Vanilla Ice. He's cute with all his eyebrows grown back in. Word to your mother.

4. Be able to fly OR read people's minds? I don't want to know when my husband thinks I look fat, so I'll go with flying.

5. Have whatever you want for one year then die OR be paralyzed for life? Between those choices, I guess the year of unbridled gluttony, greed and joy followed by a lovely afterlife sounds pretty good.

6. Have a permanent smile OR a permanent blank stare? Oh, the smile for sure. Everyone would wonder what the deal was. Plus, I've heard the more you smile, the more it cheers you up. Then again, I could turn into an evil arch enemy of Batman, too.

7. Be burned alive OR drown? Uh, drown, I think.

8. Be known worldwide as a racist OR a child molestor? I've been accused of racist thoughts before, so I think that wouldn't be a stretch for me. But, I'd rather be a bigot than a pedophile.

9. Eat three pounds of hair OR drink a gallon of shampoo? Eww. Who thought of this stupid quiz? They have way too much time on their hands. Drinking some Fructis or that one with the beer in it, maybe, wouldn't be so bad. Where is the bottle of Scope again?

10. Be God OR the devil? Well, this is a hard one. Billy Joel once sang "I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints; the sinners are much more fun." But, I think if I were God, I could forgive myself for my transgressions and do what I wanted overall. I'll go with God. I hate the heat. I'm enduring hell in Texas right now with one of the top 10 hottest summers on record. Ick.


9 Lasts...
1. Last place you were: other than home, middle school
2. Last drug used: alleve
3. Last beverage: sweet iced tea
4. Last kiss: Army of Dad's goodbye kiss this morning
5. Last movie seen: The Barnyard at the theatre
6. Last phone call: Prologis real estate broker
7. Last cd played: Staind
8. Last bubble bath: last Thursday night
9. Last time you cried: Tuesday night - thinking about the women who inspired Little Bit's middle name

I stole this from someone's blog, but I can't remember whose. So, if it is you, say something and take the credit. It has been a few days, so I've already forgotten. :(


That is my vote for the mystery beast.

What do you think?

Hat tip to Random Nuclear Strikes.



Dude, I'm getting a Dell. And, no, nothing is going to set my lap on fire. Well, ok, something might, but it won't be a battery pack (and it won't be because the Dell Dude.)

A rhetorical question

Are you really paranoid if people are out to get you?

I'm just having one of those days where I feel like the world is conspiring against me.

I was under the impression that my big book project has been waiting for the design gal to complete the layout for me to review. I've been emailing the guy in charge who hired me and the designer to find out the status of the book. No one has even bothered returning my emails. So, I finally call today. Even though I was contracted to write the book, the designer would not send me a copy of the dummies, so I could look them over. Apparently, she sent the dummies to the boss man over a week ago. Hellooooo. How hard would it have been to respond to an email saying she turned the dummies over to him for his review? She said she didn't feel comfortable sending them to me because it is "his" project? So, what was I - as the writer and editor - to all of this?

Fine. No big deal. At least this is one step closer to getting the remainder of my money. I called the boss man and he said a few more sets of eyes are looking it over for any corrections or edits and he should have back any changes by Friday. Now, he did say that the photo captions are just filler without the actual cutline there. But, he said he'd call me on Friday to let me know if there are any revisions that need to be done.

How hard would it have been for him to respond to one of my many emails telling me that it is in the review process? I know he is very important when it comes to airport security and with the heightened alert, the book project comes second. But, you'd think he'd get tired of emails every two or three days asking for a status report and he would spend five seconds typing back a quick response and hitting send.

Maybe I expect too much. *taking a deep breath*

*putting away soapbox and returning to writing*


Army of Dad and I have been watching some new sci fi network shows including Eureka/ and Dead Like Me. I'm still trying to decide what I think about this show, but I know I like it for Colin Ferguson as the sheriff.

I think he is cuter on the show than in pictures, I have to say.

He was also on a show called Coupling that I heard of, but never watched. Not too shabby for a Hump Day Hottie.

Why I like middle school

"Did you know, you can pick what you want to eat at lunch? I think I'm going to like middle school." -- Pickle

I guess we all have our priorities.


A necessity

I really need to call my telephone provider and get the anonymous call block back on the phone. I didn't realize just how many telemarketers it ciphoned out of ever making it to me.

First day of school

I can't believe it is already this time again. I have relished sleeping till 7:30 and those occasional late mornings when I don't get out of bed till 8:30. No longer. We're back to early mornings now.

On top of it all, I have to find my software for my digital camera so I can load it on my laptop. I'm going through withdrawls not being able to load pictures up.

And, my oldest starts middle school today. He doesn't seem anxious any more since he had his orientation on Friday. I think mom is the nervous wreck now.


Alert the media

Wait, I am the media. Oh well.

I just have to say that I hate snooty secretaries and receptionists when I'm trying to call and get information for a story I'm working on.

How hard is it to hit the little button that transfers phone calls?

AoM: Good day. This is AoM for *insert publication name here*, I'm trying to reach someone in public relations.
Snottyass receptionist: In what?
AoM: Public relations.
Snottyass receptionist: May I ask what this is about?
AoM: I'm trying to get information for a story I'm working on.
Snottyass receptionist: Regarding what?
AoM: *trying not to reach through phone lines and strangle life out of bitty on the other end* It is about XYZ property that was sold to ABC company.
Snottyass receptionist: Hold please.

Now, really, how hard was that? Did she REALLY need to know what it was about in detail?

Ok, ok, I'm sure someone out there is going to tell me that the secretaries have to screen the calls, blah blah blah. I'm sure they do. But, if you would have heard the tone of this old bitty's voice, you'd know what I mean.

*putting away soapbox and getting back to work*

Rest in peace

Funeral services will be at 8 p.m. Tuesday at the home of Army of Mom for the beloved Gateway, age 7, which beeped and sputtered for its final time around 1 a.m. this morning.

It was a good computer. It survived Army of Dad's relentless sniper missions with online gaming. It survived a long stretch of online poker sessions and it put up with lots and lots of images loaded on its hard drive.

Its demise began quietly a few weeks ago when it said the keyboard wasn't connected when it was. It recovered from that bout only to be struck hard on Friday morning when it would fire up, but not turn on. It hung on Saturday morning to allow Army of Mom to check email for referee assignments for Army of Dad before it finally succumbed Sunday. AoD did revive it briefly by removing its power supply, breathing life into it with can of air. It hung on for about five hours last night allowing Army of Mom to save important work documents, family information and even gave its all so AoM could burn a CD of all the assorted images she had in her files from emails from Uzz and other family members. Gateway finally sent its last email around 1 a.m. Monday morning.

Survivors include Army of Mom, Army of Dad, Pickle, Hot Rod and Little Bit. Gateway had a special relationship with Blogger and a variety of other websites that it displayed often.

In lieu of flowers, please make contributions to Army of Mom's replacement computer fund. Contact for charitable contributions.

Viewing will be today at the home.

Correction: We regret that a survivor was left off of the obituary. We apologize for the grief this caused to the family. An additional survivor is Gateway's younger brother, HP Laptop.


Examples of irony

I just find it terribly ironic whenever I'm thumbing through Family Circle and it will show some seriously tasty and fattening dessert as the cover art and one of the article highlights mentioned on the cover is about losing weight.

For instance, the April 1, 2005, issue has some "fast and easy one-bowl brownies" as the featured cover art. Then, a headline next to it promoting articles in the magazine read: Easy walking workout: feeling tired? Gaining weight? Super Diet Fights Fat and Boosts Energy."

The July 12, 2005, magazine features art of this lovely dessert that looks like a mint chocolate pie. The caption reads "cool and delicious pies we love." It is next to the teaser "surprising ways to drop 10 pounds" as well as "walk off belly fat."

Here are a few different ones.

Just makes me shake my head in wonder.


Battle of the bands

I can't decide which song is better for my mood:

Barry Manilow's "Looks Like We Made it" or Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive."

But, I made it through the sixth-grade orientation today for Pickle. Ok, I say that only half-jokingly. I was a wreck the whole four hours he was there. I worried and worried. I tried to stay busy, but having a kid with "issues" makes you weak in the knees when you can't be there to protect him.

The idea for the orientation is a peer-led meeting with eighth-graders taking on small groups (sort of like Baylor's Welcome Week waaaaay back when I was a college freshman. We had min-con groups with upper classmen showing us the ropes.) So, he was going on a tour of the school and learning all about things like lunch and ID badges, etc. They played games and got to know other sixth-graders with fun stuff going on.

Fun. Except for me, it was four hours of pure hell.

It started off with a loud gym pumping Space Jam and other bubblegum pop music REALLY loudly and all the kids shoved in there on the bleachers. My son hates large crowds and loud noises, so I'm already worried. He has a hard time relating to kids his own age. So, I'm fretting even more that he will be left to their devices. What if he freaks out? I'm ready to gnaw off my arm before noon rolls around. So, I go to pick him up and the crowd of sixth-graders disperses into the school hallways and I can't find my boy. I'm trying not to panic, but I worry. What if he left early and someone snatched him? What if some mean kid had him cornered? What if he was scared and looking for me? What if? What if? What if?

I run into several boys I know. None of them had seen him. I run into moms and dads I know. Nope, nada. So, I continue to freak and then I see him rounding a hallway and I yell to him. He bebops happily around the corner and shoves a handful of papers my way and tells me he's hungry.


Good thing I was so worried and all. Then, it hit me: he is growing up and maturing. Yeah, a kid told him he's weird. But, he blew him off. He was fine. He didn't freak out. He didn't *gasp* need me. He did OK.

This poor kid is my first. My oldest, yet my baby. He's fragile, yet getting stronger. He is learning coping methods and moving forward. Maybe middle school won't be so bad after all - for both of us.

The Barry Manilow song wins out.

SPF: The Title Company

This week Kristine mixed it up a little bit.

The assignment posted at Random and Odd:
I’m giving you titles and you take a picture that goes with it. I know you’re all going to need me to walk you through this, so PAY ATTENTION, read my examples. Hey, you in the back…you’re not reading, you’re skimming…don’t make me pull out my ruler!

1. Song Title: Example: “Stairway to Heaven” = your stairs. “Hot Legs” = duh. “Back in Black”=something in black. “My Humps”= do I really have to explain this?
2. Book Title: Example:“Moby Dick”= hee hee. I couldn’t resist. “Misery” = your laundry pile or something that makes you miserable. “Green Eggs and Ham” = Breakfast? the contents of my fridge?
3. Movie Title: Example: “Planes, Trains & Automobiles” =pick one. “Shrek”=a picture of my ex-husband (*giggle*, shut up, he reads my blog) “Princess Diaries” = Your kids/animals secret stash/hiding place
You get to think outside of the box or be really simple. Maybe you have a picture you’ve already taken that you think fits in somewhere. Do all three, or just do one…NO RULES…just have fun.

Book: Angels and Demons by Dan Brown

I'll let you decide which is which.

Book: Close Range, Wyoming Stories (which includes Brokeback Mountain) by Annie Proulx

Book: Heart of a Soldier by James B. Stewart

Pickle and the all the locals welcoming home our heroes. Those who love and support them often hold their hearts.

The heart of my former soldier lives and breathes with this little boy.

Book: The Well-Fed Writer by Peter Bowerman

No fat comments, please.

Movie: O Brother Where Art Thou

Also the Duran Duran song Wild Boys.

Saving my favorite for last.
Song: Daughters by John Mayer

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

And, lastly, another movie: The Empire Strikes Back

Did you play? Every Friday at Random and Odd. It is fun and you can get creative.


A sad day

I was really disappointed to read that Brian Henson, son of the late Jim Henson, has now created an adult themed Muppet show complete with lewd action and puppets assaulting each other.

Now, if you know me, you know I am all about lewdness and violence. I love that stuff where it comes in the form of "Dodgeball" or similar shows. I can handle that. But, this is something that children know and love and I just don't like demeaning it.

I just hope the Avenue Q muppets are totally different creations and don't have the same characters at all. I think Jim Henson would roll over in his grave if they did that.


Pass the Zoloft please

There are moments when I think I'm going to spiral out of control and I just want to curl up in a ball, read a book and listen to The Smiths depress the shit out of me.

Then, there are the times when I am Susie FreakingHomemaker and bouncing off the walls mending things, cleaning and humming a little tune.

Today, I'm in the fetal position mood. No particular reason. Just lots of little things. I encouraged my husband to go ahead and coach his "big" team one more year because the kids were so sad to see him go. Well, three of the kids whom he returned for didn't register. Two of them want to, but it may be too late. A fourth kid he came back for had the rug pulled out from under him by his dad who told him no soccer, you'll play baseball this season. What the hell is that all about?

Money also weighs heavily on my mind. I know the set amount my honey makes, but my income varies as much as Kirstie Alley's weight. I never know from one month to the next how much I'll have coming in or even if I will have any at all. It makes it sort of hard to pay the bills sometimes or have any extra for fun.

I have several friends who are sick and that breaks my heart. I'm fighting the food wars with my 7-year-old. I'm not giving in either. It is killing me inside. I feel so cruel, but know I'm doing the right thing. I just wish he wasn't so darn stubborn. I have no idea where he gets it from. *whistling and looking around*


So, maybe I'll put the kids to be early tonight and curl up next to my husband and watch Project Runway and put the worries behind. I think that sounds like a great idea. That at a fruit smoothie spiked with Captain Morgan should make me feel all better. Ok, at least a little better for a short time.

The Red River Battle

My kids at the Oklahoma welcome center. I love that my middle kid is wearing a UT national champs shirt with a Twins hat.

And, the glorious Lone Star state.

Notice how they are shielding their eyes from the bright Texas sky? Ohh, it is good to be home.

I have something he can kiss

And it isn't the bricks. But, he won, so he gets that privilege. This week's hunk is Brickyard winner Jimmie Johnson.

But, I love those eyes. They are the most attractive part of a man.

He is just a cutie.

Enjoy ladies.


My doppleganger

Apparently one of the women involved in this accident resembles me, according to my friend who saw the news on one of the local channels. One of the minivans involved definitely looks like mine.

My dad called after the 6 o'clock news to check on me and another friend called after she caught the 10 o'clock news. Probably doesn't hurt that it happened in our part of the Metroplex.

If nothing else, I'm loved.

I hit the mark

A little more than two years of blogging and I've hit the half-million hit mark.

Woo hoo! Insert noisemaker sounds and flying confetti here.

Hot chicks

Ok, she is an itty bitty chick, but she was pretty hot before she got in the water. These fountain thingees were in the park in St. Cloud , Minnesota, and were lots of fun.

although Minnesota's version of hot wasn't what my kids think of as hot. It as only in the 80s on the day we were at the park and playing in the water.

Little Bit and her grandma.

And, more hot chicks. My husband's family is full of gorgeous women. It is a wee bit intimidating. All of his female cousins are dolls.

And, this is the family matriarch. Below are her 10 children. All of her children made it to the family reunion this year.

This still doesn't even start including ALL the hundreds of pictures I took on vacation. But, I wont' give everyone the slide show. Only the highlights.

Happy 40th Birthday

Go over and wish Uzz a happy 40th birthday.


My new crack

I prefer to call it the anti-airhead drug, but if it really works. I'm on board for a prescription.

Now, if it works for weight loss, too, sign me up for a double dose.

Only nine more hours

Until this day is over and I couldn't be happier.

Ever have one of these days? I'm having one. I don't feel like going into details. I'm just tired of lots of things.

What in the world just happened?

Kasey Kahne got screwed Sunday at the Brickyard.

He crashed himself to keep from wrecking out into the Home Depot whiner Tony Stewart. That is pretty admirable. Sucky for his points standing as he drops from the Top 10 to 11th. I just wonder if Stewart will acknowledge it. He is always bitching about everyone screwing him. Hey, Tony, look what happened when someone was polite to you:

As Ricky Bobby's daddy once said to him: If you ain't first, you're last.

*sigh* So true. Or close to it. Kasey finished 36.