Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.


Superstitious Fans

Today, I was wearing my Emmitt Smith jersey while shopping at Sam's Club. The reason I was wearing No. 22 today is because I can't wear it on gamedays. Why, you ask? Because if I don't wear my Romo jersey, the Cowboys lose. When I wear my Romo jersey, they win. Yeah, I know, it is stupid. But, it works. The cashier told me that he liked my Emmitt jersey and I explained these circumstances to him. He didn't even hesitate when he responded, "I can't wear my game jersey at all because they always lose when I wear it. So, I have to wear it the day after." Yep, call us superstitious, but whatever works.


Tongue Tied

There are times when I'm just a big old dumb lunk.


Like the time when I met Alan Tudyk at the sci-fi con. *double sigh* He was signing and contributing his proceeds to an organ donation organization. I was prepared (while waiting in line) to talk to him about my cousin's kidney transplant (from a cadaver donor). But, when I got up there, all I could muster was: I thought it sucked that Wash died in Serenity.

Geesus. Really? That's the best you can do?

And, then, on Friday Nov. 21, I ran into my high school love. The man that everyone (including my parents) thought I was going to marry. Hell, I thought I was going to marry him. We had dated for about 18 months when I left for college. That was pretty much the start of the end for us. While I was away at school, he screwed around and I found out about it. So, we broke up over Christmas break my freshman year at Baylor. Very sad, indeed. So sure were my parents that we'd get married, my mom had my towels embroidered with my first initial and my middle initial (which happened to start with the same letter as his last name). Anyway. I went to see a high school playoff football game from my high school alma mater. He was there.

AoM: Hi. *eyes bugging at seeing him*
Ex-BF: Hi. *eyes also bugging at seeing me (still not sure what that expression was other than shock)*
AoM and Ex-BF: *exchange awkward hug*
AoM: *bundled up for freezing weather for game and looking like the Michelin man* Gees. I haven't seen you in 20 years and I have on 14 layers of clothes and look like a cow.
Ex-BF: You don't look fat.
AoM: Thanks. Well, good to see you. Take care.

*shaking my head* Did I really say that? I mean, 20 years of not seeing the guy who was my *ahem* first (while listening to the Beastie Boys on the floor of his bedroom) and that is the best I can come up with? Pathetic. I'm an effing wordsmith and that is the best I can do. *sigh* It probably didn't help that he is even more handsome than he was in high school. And me? Well, I can't string two syllables together without sounding like a moron.



Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving this year holds so many wonderful blessings. More than anything, it has given me a greater appreciation for things - from love, family and finding ways to make more with less. We have taken that whole for-better-or-for-worse thing to a new high and came out of it stronger than before. My faith was tested beyond anything I've ever experienced as an adult, too. It is still a bit shaky, but the prayers of others and blessings from others has been remarkable.
Simple things like making pie crust with my children means so much to me. Family is more important than anything - I think. Today, we will be tested again as my brother comes with his two youngest. We've never been close or gotten along well (he's 10 years older than me), so I'm worried about that. His youngest is a handful, as well, so I am fretting a bit. To top it all off, I got sick yesterday and feel like my head may explode at any minute. Totally my own fault. I do this whenever I let myself get worn down and I'm responsible for it. Maybe I'll learn from it. No, you're right. Probably not.
The kids were so stoked last night. After the UNT game, the players signed autographs. We don't usually stay because we have school or something important the next day and they need their sleep. Last night, we let them stay. You can see the giant smile on Hot Rod's face, even from this angle. And, Little Bit? Oh, her manners are so good. I was so proud of her. Would you sign this for me? And, then a thank you after they did. She was better mannered than some of the adults I saw seeking autographs. So many blessings. May God bless your family as He has mine. Happy Thanksgiving.


Of the devil

Self-check-out lines at the grocery store should have an age limit - sort of like the express lanes.

No one over 60 allowed in the self-check-out lanes.


Found my frozen OJ (accidentally picked up frozen apple juice by not paying good attention Sunday) and then grabbed some organic carrots (we had some, but not enough, my dear husband explained to me). So, I'm done - after maneuvering through many, many people in the aisles *note to self not to venture near grocery store again between now and Thanksgiving evening* and heading to the check out lane. There, every person in North Texas was standing in line.

So, I think I'm bright, bold and ready to do this. Both my items have barcodes. I'm good. Except all the old people thought the same thing. Gees Louise. Grandma, just hike up your support hose and go stand in a line with a cashier. It will be better for your heart than the stress you're having trying to figure this out.

Finally, grandma gets her goodies and heads out. Me? Seriously - took less than a minute to scan the items, scan my stupid customer card, swipe the debit card and voila (or as the hillbillies in one of the local papers calls in, bwallah) I'm done.

*taking deep breaths*

Overwhelming Love

Funny how something as simple as scrubbing the bathrooms, cooking and cleaning has given me this incredible peace. And, this overwhelming feeling of love for my husband. Finally, after seven months of wondering what was going to happen - I feel like this Thanksgiving may be the most blessed of them all. We've endured so much in our 10+ years. Last Thanksgiving, I was just grateful that my mom was alive after open-heart surgery. Now, she's back to her crazy old self. Less than a month ago, I didn't know how we were going to make it through this month financially. Now, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Things are still tight for another few months as we get back on our feet, but we have something to look forward to. I feel like things are as they should be - and that brings me a contented feeling that I honestly haven't had in months. My honey didn't land his dream job, but he has a job. That is more than we can say for so many people. He knows that and he is making the best of it. Are we both pretty much working two jobs? Yes, but I'm so blessed that my jobs can be done while the children are sleeping or at school. So, I'm still here for them. Not many mothers have that blessing. I have so much to be thankful for this year. I hope each of you finds that same peace and joy this holiday season.

And, the song? That is one my dear husband picked out for me. I sort of like it. I can rage like a river ...

Swanky Bday

These are pictures from the balcony of one of our super cool most awesome weekend getaway last week courtesy of one of my news sources. Pretty amazing, huh? The high rise pictured here next to the American Airlines Center is the place we stayed on Friday night. This is the view from our Saturday night stay. :)
This is the view from our Friday night venue. It was gorgeous to watch the sun come up over the city. I sat with the giant glass wall and read my book, looking up now and then to see the sunlight reflecting on the buildings. Fabulous. I could handle being rich and having a place like this to escape to. Yes indeedy.

No Hard Feelings

For my Dem friends:

Election day is over,
The talking is done.
My party lost, your party won.
So let us be friends,
Let arguments pass.
I'll hug my elephant,
You kiss your ass.

Hat tip to my college roomie, CB.



I'm really loving this song. It was definitely created for bed-breaking antics. Which, by the way, we've now graduated to No. 6. Don't ask. :) And, my extra 10 pounds wasn't the reason why. So, stop the snarky comments.

Telltale Signs

Here's how you can tell when Army of Mom is up against the wall on a deadline:

1. prolific blogging
2. she catches up on all the blogs she never goes to
3. she balances the checkbook (how hard is it to divide zero into zero)
4. she does the laundry
5. she chats on Yahoo IM with long lost friend in Arizona
6. she thinks about all the housecleaning and cooking that needs to be done
7. she works on different story not due till Dec. 3
8. she emails her husband incessantly at his new job. worries that it might get him fired.
9. she tries to organize pile of crap on desk
10. she steps on scale hoping that the 12 pounds she gained in the past seven months have mysteriously dropped in the past two weeks
11. she calls scale a fucking liar and then puts it back by the toilet so the 9-year-old boy will pee on it again when he is talking to someone while peeing and not aiming properly (seriously, how hard is this, guys?)
12. she handwashes incredibly hawt unmentionable
13. she listens to new theme song about 14 times

The Joy of the 40s

Now that I'm at that awkward age of having both zits and grey hairs simultaneously, I'm delighted to see that I'm not the only dumbass on this ride.

A few years ago, I thought I would show my struggling child how to do a cartwheel. Simple enough, right? Uh, wrong. I collapsed into a big pile of body parts while my children laughed and taunted me. Then, there was the time I thought I'd show off my mad cheerleader jump skillz on the trampoline, too. Only to do the jump and promptly suffer from a small bout of incontinence (courtesy of said children of whom I gave birth to, but thought I'd be immune from the stress incontinence thing after having three c-sections. BWAHAHAHA. No such luck, bub.) Thankfully, no one but me noticed I peed my pants. Ok, my husband did (he laughed, too) because I have a habit of making a certain noise when I sneeze and droplets of whiz escape simultaneously. He recognized the noise and proceeded to crack himself up. Laugh it up, furball. *sigh*

But, I almost laughed till I peed (again) when I read about Dad Gone Mad having a similar situation. Not with the peeing thing (having not given birth and all) but with the whole "I can still do the things I did when I was 10" madness that we all seem to have from time to time. Poor dude. I'll save you a dry spot on the couch next to me at Bingo night at the retirement home. But, only if you'll loan me your reading specs to see the Bingo board.


You gotta be kidding

I'm on hold with a hospital switchboard waiting to reach a marketing person for information about the hospital for yet another story I'm working on.

The recording ad just came on for a program they're doing on surgery called : Get hip to hip replacement

Gees Louise. THAT marketing person should be whipped and flogged.

New belts in the house

The kiddos were promoted. Pickle is now an adult blue belt and Little Bit has her junior orange belt. They're pretty funny.
The instructors like to make me jumpy (ok, they're not doing it to get to me, but it is effective) because they snap the belts as they're doing the karate belt origami thing they do. Makes my backside sting as I remember that sound from childhood when mom or dad got the belt and I was going to get it good. Yikes. My kids - and all the ones in there - have no clue that the sound should make you cringe, cower and plead for mercy while apologizing that you will never again paint the basset hound with the grey paint you found in the garage or that you'll never throw a piece of firewood at the house again. Not that it ever happened to me.

Monday Manifesto

Yeah, I'm sitting at the computer in my red Hawaiian print pajama bottoms, Kasey Kahne t-shirt and wearing a Florida Gators hoodie (with the hood up). Yeah, cuz I'm that kind of cheap-not-wanting-to-turn-the-heat-up-kind of gal. *sigh*

I opted not to ogle any teenage boys or warp any young minds today by skipping out on substitute teaching so I can catch up on writing (stories due today and Dec. 10, oh cripes) and then try to get the house clean and food cooking. Oh crimedy. (What does cripes and crimedy mean, anyway? Yeah, I'm sure the definitions are a mere Google search away, but who has time for that useless stuff?)

I have shit to do today. And, I gotta procrastinate by blogging, so the deadlines will loom closer and larger and thus make me work harder. Right? Right.

So, I'm thinking today - ok, really it was yesterday - that the local police department probably has a little binder with my name on it. Inside are all the times I've called about stranded motorists, suspicious Kirby salesmen and the pedophile who lives around the corner. They've pretty much stopped taking my seriously, oh, about nine years ago, I'm thinking. Seriously, my caller ID comes up on the 911 line and I'm sure the operator just rolls her eyes. I'm surprised she hasn't said "Ok, Mrs. AoM, what is it this time? Someone broken down in the road or another suspected drunk (sic, should be drunken) driver? None of those? Ok, so are the crackhead's kids setting off fireworks again? Or the Bumpus hounds barking again at ungodly hours? No, not this time? Well, certainly the neighbors behind you must be tossing pizza in your backyard again ..." and so it goes on. There are also a few choice complaint letters in there about the 5-0, too. Cuz I'm on the down-low ... or is it low-down? I can never remember my gangsta terms. Therefore, my street creds are right down the drain.

But, all this just makes me want to stalk Jen Lancaster because we would so be BFF. *sigh* The whole living in Chicago things would make it hard for us to go grab Starbucks and then eat danishes till we can't walk, but, seriously. Aside from the excessive drinking and cursing *ROFLMAO, ok, I can't even type that with a straight face* we're two peas in a pod. Like Forrest would say, we're just like peas and carrots, us two. Because it was my husband who was teasing me for calling the cops again yesterday, but seriously, who goes around trying to give people a crappy old dustbuster thing as his intro to trying to sell you a Kirby vaccuum cleaner while wearing black sweatpants. Seriously. I don't buy anything from someone wearing sweatpants unless it is a gym membership. *ha ha* That would imply that I walk into a gym. *smacking my fist on the ground now in laughter* I forgot to mention that if you don't read Jen's books, you wouldn't know that she, also, has a penchant for calling the cops about all sorts of things, too. *sigh* Peas and carrots, people.

*deep sigh*

Ok, gotta get my cold fingers to dance across the keyboard and whip up some great article about drilling for natural gas. Then, I'm going to work on Hurricane Ike re-construction and how church administrators can find the best benefit packages for their staffs. Yes, one and all, rub down the goosebumps. I could be instructing YOUR children today. So, be glad that I'm here.


AoM's New Theme Song

Oh.My.Gosh. I laughed so hard. It is a good thing I wasn't drinking my Diet Coke or it would have been spewed all over Little Bit. We went to see Madagascar 2. It won't be winning any Academy Awards, but it was entertaining and fun to watch. But, when Moto Moto (the dom hippo) sings this little "love song" to Gloria, I lost all composure and immediately knew deep in my heart and fat ass ... this is MY song.

Prettiest Girl in the World

Little Bit has her own theme song that I created for her as a toddler. To my own off-key tune, we sing "Who's the prettiest girl in the world? It's Little Bit Stinkerbelle." I used to sing all of it. Now, I sing it as a question to her and she answers with her name. It's pretty darn cute. Now, Army of Dad sings it, too. :) But, is this not the cutest child on the planet? She even makes that tacky hat and scarf look good! She reminds me of my college roommate, my BFF and my friend, Kelvinator. Those three women can take a goofy hat and make it look awesome while adorning themselves into an absolute precious state. *sigh* I just look goofy when I try stuff like that. But, she's got it going on. Damn. That is one cute child. Even with Oreo remnants on the corner of her mouth and tomato sauce on her chin. :) Guess her mother could get out a wetwipe at some point. Nahhh. She even makes her food on her face look good. LOL


So, I'm not an evil bitch after all

Contrary to what some people may think about me subbing because I posted one rant about a class of evil first-graders, I think I must not be terrible at it. This week, alone, I've had three teachers all ask how to reach me again because they were so happy with my work in their classes. Two of them walked in while I was still instructing their classes and made a point to ask for my contact information. Another asked me if I was a teacher because I was doing such a good job. And, a teacher from another class congratulated me for a job well done with a challenging class and no problems. So, perhaps, I'm not as terrible as one would think after all. Maybe.



I feel like a really bad blogger.

I have all sorts of wonderful pics of my kids, lots of opinions on things and tons of snarky commentary just waiting to come out.

Alas, what I'm missing is time. I've taken a new writing gig that entails an early morning round-up of what is going on in the business world since the close of business the day before. So, I wake up at 5 a.m. and get to researching for a 6 a.m. deadline.

Then, I'm usually getting kids ready, lunches packed and myself ready as I'm heading out the door to substitute teach. So far, I've done that about three days a week. Then, if I'm lucky with a half-day assignment, I can get a few other errands done in the afternoon. Then, it is time to pick up kids and start dinner and evening activities ...

Anyway ... I'm sorry to be so MIA.

Restoring faith in humanity

I love Tony Romo.

Not because he's the cute boy-next-door kind of guy. Or because he's a great QB for my team (although those things help). But, because he is a good person.


Weird Book Meme

The rules are: Pass it on to five other bloggers, and tell them to open the nearest book to page 56. Write out the fifth sentence on that page, and also the next two to five sentences. The CLOSEST BOOK, NOT YOUR FAVORITE, OR MOST INTELLECTUAL!

Stolen from ArmyWife ToddlerMom.

To most people, chlorine's kind of a repulsive smell, but for those of us who spent their summers submerged, it's as pleasant as a sunny day when your only chore is to lie on a raft until you feel like riding your bike to the pro shop to buy a new Izod.

After an extra-soapy preliminary shower, I ease myself into the hundred-and-twenty-degree Jacuzzi, wallowing up to my ears. I bring the book Wicked with me as it's already misshapen from too many spills into the bath. The Jacuzzi is huge and I'm able to float in the very center, spreading my arms wide, without touching any of the sides. I look like the Vitruvian Man - if he were wearing a pink-and-black Miraclesuit, that is. As the bubbles begin to buffer me against the sides, I feel clean down to my very soul.

My book: Bright Lights, Big Ass by Jen Lancaster (what can I say? I'm on a kick. She only has three books and this is the last one I can read till she gets off that big ass and writes another one!)

I almost forgot to hit up five people to do this:
El Capitan
Mo K

Oh thank heaven!

Nov. 12 AP photo: The sign in front of a 7-Eleven store in Independence, Mo., shows the price of one gallon of unleaded regular gasoline to be $1.69.9. Wholesale prices plunged a record amount in October as energy prices fell by the largest amount in 22 years. AoM commentary: Oh thank heaven? Uh, well, yeah. Duh.


May I hop on the bandwagon?

I think I need to find out what all the buzz is about Twilight. I have seen the books and some of the promo shots. Of course, Cedric Diggory from the Harry Potter movies is in this flick, so it might be worth seeing. I need to get on the waiting list at the library for the book. :)

Oh, and one bandwagon I WILL NOT be on - two homes in my area already have their Christmas lights and decorations up in the yard. Major faux pas people. Not until the day after Thanksgiving. Helloooooooo.

How to avoid work

In reading "Such a Pretty Fat" by Jen Lancaster, she mentions avoiding work one day by watching a panda sneeze on YouTube. I sort of giggled and moved on with the book. But, then LabKat calls me last night in a tizzy about it. She is now reading my book and decided to buy all of Jen Lancaster's books (because Jen would so be our friend going with us to blow money at Starbuck's and I'm sure - given the chance- she'd love to hit a male strip club, too!), but I digress. Anyway. Kat knew the panda clip and told me I simply had to watch it. Yep, I found myself watching it about 10 times, laughing harder every single time. Enjoy.


Happy Birthday!

Today, my BF turns 39. Bless her heart. If this one is hitting her hard, next year is going to majorly suck for her! She texted me a very pathetic note last night that it was the eve of her last year in the 30s. *shaking my head*

Anyway. Happy Birthday, girl.


Darwin was right

I thought my day subbing the first-graders from hell on Friday was about as bad as it can get for a day at work. But, this obscures my God-awful day when I was reminded consistently throughout the day by the little angel on my shoulder that you can't beat other people's children. (If only ...)

Seriously. I laughed out loud at that link. Ahhh, Dallas' finest. *snickering* And, they wonder why people have no respect for police officers.
But, someday, I will have recovered from the trauma that 15 5- and 6-year-olds inflicted on me Friday. Seriously, Lord of the Flies kept coming to mind. Never have I subbed and spent more of my time counting down each hour. It was awful. I had to make myself pity these children (some, honestly, were very pitiable despite their evil behavior and defiance). Of course, the pity came between bouts of thinking about where I could bury the bodies. They're doing construction on campus, so, it is out as a location. *sigh* Thank God, Friday is over.
"You will respect my authority!" hmm, takes on multiple meanings now.


What a rocking post-birthday


*fanning self*

I'm sitting in the swanky lobby/resident area of Cirque - one of the upscale high-rise condos in Uptown Dallas. I just spent a glorious night watching people walk over to the AAC for whatever event was there last night. We dined on Lemmon Avenue among all the beautiful gay men. I felt very proud every time one sized up my husband (whom I'm sure they think would make a glorious bear *he's going to kill me for saying that*) ... but, it has been great.

We slept late (ok late for me is 7 these days). I woke up to watch the sun rise over downtown. Lovely. Sat around and read, soaked in a great tub.

Ahhh. Life is good.

Now, I have people making me an omelette.

Then, I'm off to partake of another high-rise condo in a little while. Yeah, life is good.


Resistance is Futile

Subbing at one of the high schools yesterday had lots of weird things going on with it. For one, I subbed for a friend of mine - I worked with her husband 15 years ago out in West Texas. They moved here a few years ago and we run into each other every now and then. But, that was just a fluke. Then, one of the kids in her class used to live in our house. No kidding. We bought the house from his family about 9.5 years ago. How weird is that?

But, the best part of subbing Thursday. There was a boy in a class named Ryker. Now, I loves me some ST:TNG, so I was loving that name. However, I had to stifle a giggle a few times because I wanted to call him No. 1. When I needed someone to take the attendance sheet to the office, I almost said "No. 1, I have an away mission for you." *still giggling* We had a fire drill, too, during this class. *rolling my eyes* But, I kept thinking RED ALERT, RED ALERT! Man battle stations!"

*entertaining myself wildly*

Today, I get first-graders. We'll see, but I think so far, I prefer the half-days at high schools.

and, on the good news front (blog posts to come eventually), Hot Rod guest played in a soccer tournament last weekend and the team won second place; Little Bit got her orange belt last night; and Pickle got his adult blue belt. I have such good kids.


Working Hard or Hardly Working?

If man is 5
Then the devil is 6
Then God is 7
This monkeys gone to heaven

Trying to follow my John Wooden quote taped to my hard drive:
"Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do."


There are only so many hours in the day to get everything done. But, by God, I'm trying to squeeze 27 hours of work into 24 hours. So, I'm writing *only two days past deadline* and this morning's Elvis Costello/Morrissey musicfest got me to thinking about my music from the late 80s and early 90s.

So, I've been rocking out while writing. The Smiths, The Cure, The Pixies, Siouxise and the Banshees ... yeah. Sue me. The kids are with dad at the UNT Mean Green basketball exhibition game. Free tickets! Woo hoo. We can afford free.

This music is keeping me from pulling out my hair while writing stimulating stuff like: Cherokee Bridge and Road, LTD, of Junction is the contractor doing the work. The cost for replacing the 51-year-old bridge between Monahans and Coyanosa just west of FM 1927 is slightly more than $2 million.

Yes, ladie and gents, rub down the goosebumps. That's Pulitzer Prize winning stuff right there. *sigh* It pays the bills. Now, where was I? Oh yeah, Farm-to-Market Road 2552 from Eureka Street to U.S. 180 at Denton Street in Weatherford.

Working Remotely

Got my car at Circuit City (thank God mine hasn't closed) doing some warranty work on the minivan's DVD player, so I loaded my work up on the laptop and headed to the Hasting's next door. I dreaded sitting for several hours in the Hardback Coffee Cafe working on deadline. But, it has been great. A giant peppermint mocha (a big splurge for me since I haven't had a Starbucks coffee - other than the free one on Nov. 4 - in about five or six months. I singlehandedly am putting that company in Chapter 13 *sigh*) on the table next to me ... and Morrisey over the stereo in the cafe ... oh yes. This makes working here bearable. They started me off with a hits compilation of Elvis Costello and now on to Morrissey. I may never go home to work again.


Why we don't have a dog

Every once in a while, I contemplate getting a dog for our children. Then, I think better of it.

Here, for example, are some reasons why I don't have a dog:
1. My parents' back yard smells really horrendous because my parents never scoop up the poop.
2. dog breath
3. The last dog we had chewed the siding off the house
4. My poor MIL's dog passed away and the rescue dog she got a few weeks later died of severe heart worms.
5. reading Jen Lancaster's book and hearing her talk about dogs barfing on guests, chewing new furniture and dragging their asses on the carpet after pooping
6. reading a blog I haven't been to in a while and the blogger talked about her dog licking the other dog's ass about 50 times a day
7. Uzz's dog peeing in his car and then pooping at his sister's when he dropped it off on his way out of town
8. still heartbroken over losing my own dog back in 1996. Long story, don't ask. I didn't lose the dog, but someone caring for it until I could get an apartment where it could stay did. Sad.
9. they shed hairs everywhere
10. they stink
11. I don't have the time to care for one more thing.
12. money money money

Another reason why I don't have a dog. Any dog who eats a stuffed penguin in my house is dinner. Where's the number for the Super Buffet? They might need some meat on the buffet tonight.

Thank You to All Who Have Served

Veterans Day is a day dedicated to honoring ALL American veterans, both living and dead. According to, in fact, Veterans Day is largely intended to thank LIVING veterans for dedicated and loyal service to their country. Nov. 11 of each year is the day that we ensure veterans know that we deeply appreciate the sacrifices they have made in the lives to keep our country free. Thank you to all who have served and those currently serving. Thanks to my dear Army of Dad - you make me proud to be your wife on so many levels and your love of country is one of them. Thanks, as well, to the whole list of his friends and family who have served or are currently serving. Love your freedom? Thank a veteran today.

Keep the Change, part 2

Welcome to the new administration. If you wanted change, you got it. While jumping around on the site, I saw a job application page and at the bottom with this disclaimer: The Obama-Biden Transition Project does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, religion, sex, age, national origin, veteran status, sexual orientation, gender identity, disability, or any other basis of discrimination prohibited by law.

Gender identity? So, we're going to walk into the Social Security office and be greeted by this. Nice. I guess we should be glad that they also won't discrimate (supposedly) against you if you're a veteran, too, according to that disclaimer. *shaking my head* I don't know if I can handle four years of political correctness.


Hot for Teacher

So far, so good. I haven't turned into Mary Kay LeTourneau. One thing I have noticed is that high school isn't much different than when I was there. There are the nerdy dudes, brainiac girls, jocks, cheerleaders, fashionistas, and stoners. I did get to actually do some teaching today, which was sort of nice. I was in a Pre-AP literature class. Now, that is what I'm talking about.

I heard you missed us, we're back.
I brought my pencils
Gimme something to write on, man!

Return of the Substitute Teacher

Hat Tip to Mrs. DOF for this goodie. Had my third day of subbing today. So far, so good. I think I need to be meaner than I have been, though. But, the kids have been pretty good. Done two half-days at local high schools and one day with fifth-graders. I have a class of second-graders this coming Friday. Fairly easy money. I will try to get back to blogging again once I get in a rhythm. I have lots to blog about from Hot Rod guest-playing on a friend's soccer team (they placed second in the tournament) and my birthday weekend. I think I still have Halloween pics to post, too. *sigh* Story of my life - always a day behind and a dollar short. Army of Dad successfully survived his first day of work. Steady income will be nice again.


King Tut


I was all in a tizzy over this being the worst birthday ever. Then, my mom took me to see the King Tut exhibit in Dallas. I kept singing this song to myself and giggling. There was a some sort of "bovine goddess" that I thought should be dedicated to me and my heifer ass. That made us giggle. Anyway. I got money from my in-laws *always a woo hoo moment* and mom took me to Olive Garden for lunch. My honey made me a GIANT batch of homemade spaghetti sauce. Lots of calls and text messages from friends with good wishes (which was wonderful - thanks to you all *smooches*). And, then, the best part of it all ... Army of Dad got a job!!!! He'll start on Monday!!!!!

Lordy, Lordy, Look Who's Forty

I'm still getting zits while getting grey hairs at the same time. Happy Birthday to me. That is my first birthday with my BoBo, my Granny and my cousin (who comments on here from time to time) in the red party hat. And, wow, that pic is from August. My hair is a lot darker now. Ok, except for the giant grey hairs. *sigh* I hate 40. It is NOT the new 30. I don't care what Jen Lancaster says. I ran into a friend the other day who beat me to the punch (she turned 40 on Sept. 4) and asked her how it felt to be 40. Her response: It sucks. Yeah, what she said.

Feeling Nostalgic

Yeah, I should be working, but I'm feeling terribly nostalgic this morning. I loved this band. It is funny to watch this video and you're instantly transported back to the '80s with the clothes and hair. Makes me giggle and long for a skinny tie. :)


Small Victories

There are some benefits in life as things suck. Last week, one of the magazines I write for laid off 20 people, including my editor. So, his duties had to be redistributed (almost like sharing the wealth in reverse, hmmm, signs of things to come?) and I guess I benefitted from it. My pay got bumped up as I assumed his responsibility of writing the morning news wrapup for an e-newsletter sent out first thing in the morning to subscribers. It is actually sort of fun to do other than I have to get up at 5 a.m. to do it. I was told by my new boss (who is THE editor at the magazine) to inject some pep into the articles and headlines to counter the boring (and, as of late, bad) news in them. My last two headlines:

Election Results Get Mixed Reviews from World Markets
Stocks Drop Worldwide as Glow Wanes Around Presidential Election

The thing is, I can tell the truth *unlike most journalists these days* because I'm not all up on Obama's dick. I know that about 98 percent of my colleagues at this paper are liberal-leaning from email conversations we've had. So, it isn't like I'm writing for a conservative-leaning pub like Investors Business Daily. I've actually gotten kudos from the publisher for my stories and headlines this week - that is something I have seldom received in my three years of writing for this pub. Our main competitor's clever headline over its wrap-up of financial events spurred by election results was simply: Obama Wins Election. My editor saw fit to write me a glowing email commending me for a more accurate headline with more meat to it. But, like I say, the competitor is so bathed in the morning-after effects of Obama's victory, that they couldn't see fit to indicate that the world hasn't changed overnight at the word of the Annointed One's election.

So, there is my bit of silver lining this week. I've been pretty down for a number of reasons. My computer monitor died Monday morning, so that hasn't helped. I sub today at one of the local high schools. Unfortunately it isn't East High, so there will be no dancing the lunchroom as Gabriella and Troy smooch on the roof. Ahhh, if only Corbin Bleu would be in the classroom today. *heart thumping*


Don't bother me

Seriously. I don't want to hear it.

The boys woke up and asked me who won. I don't know, I told them.

Army of Dad woke up to ask me if the pundits are still operating on projections or votes that are in. I don't know, I told him.

Seriously. *sticking fingers in my ears and going lalalalalalalalalalalalalala*

I can hear LabKat and my cousin doing the dance of love across the Metroplex. That tells me all I need to know.

At a loss for words

Yeah, that really doesn't happen very often.

People will likely shake their heads at me, but I'm physically sick to my stomach over the election. Seriously. I tried to wrap my head around it and come up with a blog post that truly explains how I feel.

Other than the upbeat demeanor, this is is a good reflection.


I'm a sub

So many guffaws to be had by my first day of substitute teaching.

First off, let me say that most fifth-grade boys are just tall enough to be eye-level with the *ahem* girls. And, suffice it to say that it was very disconcerting that despite my modest attire, apparently fifth grade boys notice those sorts of girls already. Gees. *shaking my head*

Let's see, what else is worthy of noting:
*One little guy loved me and wanted to hug me repeatedly. However, he refused to do any work and told me he'd rather take a zero on each paper despite my encouragement, pleas and threats.
*The smart kid in class (who reminded me an awful lot of Hot Rod) thought that I might buy that there were no dictionaries in the classroom. Uh, ok, dude. Not even.
*One kid kept falling asleep in class and then spent from lunchtime till the end of the day either in the bathroom or nurse's lounge.
*and the final coup de gras of the day was when one little girl tried to pull the fire alarm on the way to recess. Good Lord. I almost took the Lord's name in vain in front of the kids when I said "Jees ... louise, guys!" Whew. Fortunately, it was some little alarm for the cover of the actual fire alarm. Thank goodness!

On Thursday, I'll sub at one of the high schools for social studies. Gees, it has been forever since I minored in sociology at Baylor. I guess I can wing it. It will just suck that all my students will be taller than me.

But, the best part of all of this is that the school district's substitute teacher site is called SubFinder. *ROFLMAO* I would prefer to look in DomFinder. *snickering* As LabKat would say, hide your teenage sons. :) However, I promise I won't go all Mary Kay LeTourneau. I prefer men over boys.

Unintended Funny

I had asked Army of Dad last night if he thought I was missing anything on my top reasons to vote NoBama before heading to bed. Then, as I'm lying in bed with Army of Dad stressing over my first day of substitute teaching (at a school I'm unfamiliar with), I'm venting and mourning over the loss of my stay-at-home mom status and having to return to full-time work when I roll over and say to my husband:

AoM: I hate change.
AoD: Yet, another reason not to vote for Obama.

*snickering* It might have been funnier had you been there because it was a heartfelt statement for me that had nothing to do with politics. I'm just not good with change. But, yeah, what he said.



I voted early and I'm glad I did (especially in light of getting the sub job).

*snickering* I love being called a sub. Makes me giggle. At some point, I'm sure I'll slip and say I'm domming. I'm a dom today. *ROFLMAO*

But, I digress.

I haven't blogged much about the election for a number of reasons. But, I want to urge anyone who is sitting on the fence to please vote for the McCain/Palin ticket. For what it is worth, here are just a few reasons why I think it is worthy of your vote:

1. if you value your personal freedoms - 2nd amendment for one; 1st amendment for another - Obama kicked off several newspaper reps from his personal campaign plane after their papers endorsed McCain. Will he act like this of papers critical of his administration? So, we'll have a state-run propaganda paper (this is important to me as a journalist)
2. personal responsibility - it will be gone under his administration. It is all about big government taking care of us (i.e. telling us what to do). I value personal responsibility and charity.
3. if you oppose socialism - he wants to redistribute the wealth
4. he hangs around terrorists and America-hating people and thinks it is ok
5. he's an empty suit - no real accomplishments
6. homeland security - its going to hell in a handbasket under him and I can almost guarantee that we're going to be victimized again with him in charge
7. he is willing to negotiate with rogue nations - he's the Captain Janeway of government
8. he believes it is ok to let a baby born from a botched abortion to die

These are just a few of the things that popped into my head in a quick last-minute appeal for anyone who values freedom and personal responsibility. Please consider what you're doing and be careful what you are getting yourself into. Please.

Update: Here is a site dedicated to why undecided voters should vote for the McCain-Palin ticket. It will show you the views of both candidates, albeit from the McCain point of view. :)

Good grief

What have I gotten myself into? I have my first subbing job in the morning. Fifth graders. Some of those kids will be as big as me.

I'm terrified.

Lesbians and Old Guys

I'm not sure what sort of pheromone I put off, but it is there and STRONG! I can be at a giant event with 100s of people around and the one lesbian in the crowd will find me and start flirting. Army of Dad just stands back and laughs at me. *shrug*

And, old guys. I must be a tasty treat for old guys. We're at Sam's Club today stocking up on tissue, milk, Sunny D and juiceboxes. We usually split up at the end so he can drool over the fancy cheeses and I look at the cut flowers and seasonal items. I found myself checking out these liquor-filled chocolates and imagining how I could catch a buzz from just a couple of these things. I guess I had a far-off wistful look on my face because the sunroom-salesguy comes over and offers to help me drink these over Christmas. Then, he starts the sales pitch and I explain that my husband is out of work and we don't have the funds to do any home improvement projects right now. Usually, the salespeople just walk off at this point. Oh no, not this guy.

Salesguy: *something along the lines of would you be interested in a sunroom project*
AoM: No, my husband is unemployed right now and we don't have the money for it.
Salesguy: Would you like an employed husband?
AoM: *looking baffled*
Salesguy: *trying to recover while stealing glimpses at my boobs* Well, there are lots of places hiring seasonal help ... *blah blah blah*

When Army of Dad walked up, the guy said "oh, is this your husband?" I contemplated saying, no, this is my afternoon lover. *shaking my head*

Now, if I could ever find a rich old sugar daddy ... then we can talk. Heck, right now, a rich lesbian might work, too.


Trick or Treat

Happy Halloween. In case you can't tell, there is Speed Racer, Darth Vader and a kitty cat. She's hugging the pumpkin she picked at the farm field trip on Thursday. She decorated it with items she got for her birthday in a big craft box. She loves crafty things.

Kindergarten Stomp

The pumpkin patch farm held so many delights for the children, but this old klunker seemed to lure the kiddos into their own kindergarten version of Stomp.



Thursday, Army of Dad and I were chaperones for Little Bit's field trip to the pumpkin patch in the nearby boonies. Part of the admission to the farm is a cup of feed for the livestock. I was cracking up at the little city kids running between the pens and ewwing and ahhing over the cows, goats and sheep. So, I proceed to feed this longhorn without any issues.
Until he slimed me. Then, the country girl acquiesced to the more citified part of me.

More Treats

Halloween was fun, but I still haven't uploaded those pictures. Seems like I'm always behind on pictures these days. But, here are a few more from the UNT Boo Bash on Tuesday. Speed Racer dressed up (because he loves this stuff) and had to get a pic with Snow White. He loves princesses. I think he just loves girls, but that is a whole other blog post.
Army of Mom and her little kitty. Little Bit had a great M&M costume her brother wore when he was little. She had a Tinkerbelle from last year and perhaps a few other options. So, what does she want to be? A kitty. My folks found a tail, kitty ears and a bow tie at a garage sale and she was thrilled.

Hot Rod with the blood and guts ball for a game at UNT. Nothing like bloody eyeballs, etc. to make a 9-year-old Darth Vader smile.

One on One

Keeping soccer skills sharp is a challenge when you take a break for a season. But, we got this young coach at the end of the summer and he really liked Hot Rod's ability. So, we managed to get a one-on-one skill session in anticipation of Hot Rod guest playing this coming weekend on a friend's team.

On the mound

Starting about a week before the season ended, Hot Rod finally persuaded the coach to give him a chance to pitch. He has some good velocity, but struggles with control. But, that is the way most of these pitchers worked.


These flowers were transplants from my mother's garden. I love them. We called them the Stinger Amarylis when I was growing up because my first softball team was striped red and white like this and was called the Stingers. They are so beautiful.