Uh, just clearing my throat
But, I was surprised when I was hearing these small sounds resembling someone blowing a raspberry. I looked over my shoulder thinking, gees, who would do that with the mayor right in front of them. Then, a few moments pass and I hear it again. Being a good mom, I have wonderful peripheral vision, so I am sort of watching now because I think the Mayor is doing it.
Swear to God. For the hour or so that he sat beside me, I think whenever he didn't agree with the speaker, he blew a small raspberry.
*shaking my head*
I'm hoping he was just battling a cold or something, but the thought of the mayor making those noses from a snotty nose is a bit disconcerting, as well.
So, now, I proclaim him the Mayor of Raspberryton.
The Birds and the Bee Gees
So, I encouraged AoD to have a sit down with the child.
And, in typical Hot Rod fashion (which is anything but typical), he took the news with raucous laughter. And lucky me, we got to continue the discussion some this morning.
Apparently, AoD touched on a variety of topics including in vitro (for the non-traditional way), too. From piecing together the conversation from what Hot Rod and AoD told me, this is pretty close to how a portion went:
AoD: Sometimes, the mom and dad need some help from the doctor.
Hot Rod: *bursting into laughter and gesturing as if he is trying to land a plane an an aircraft hangar and speaking in his best doctor voice* So, you need some help there?
Then, this morning, we have this conversation:
Hot Rod: How does the doctor help?
AoM: Sometimes the doctor has to put the sperm inside the mom.
Hot Rod: Why?
AoM: Well, some guys have problems with the sperm having the materials they need to make the baby.
Hot Rod: How does the doctor get the sperm?
AoM: Well, the man has to give it to him.
Hot Rod: What if he doesn't want to give it to him?
AoM: Well, then they get it from another man.
Hot Rod: Did dad need any help?
AoM: *fighting back all sorts of images* No, son, your dad required no assistance whatsoever. Do you want a waffle for breakfast?
A few years back, I bought some books from Focus on the Family (yes, that group is good for a few things including great resources for no-nonsense literature about how babies are made and being a teenager books) for Pickle when it was his time to learn about these things. Yet, another conversation ensued:
AoM: Where are those books I got you about sex and stuff?
Pickle: We moved them over here. Why?
AoM: We had the birds and the bees talk with Hot Rod and he wants to read them.
Pickle: Oh yeah, the birds and the Bee Gees talk. *snickering*
AoM: *not willing to lose a chance to share the embarrassment with another family member* So, anything else you want to know about sex?
Pickle: Uh, no. Thanks. What's for breakfast?
11 Years Ago Today
It was 11 years ago today,
Specialist AoD told Aom he'd play
They've been going in and out of style
But they're guaranteed to raise a smile.
So may I introduce to you
The act you've known for all these years,
Former Specialist AoD and AoM's Crazy Wedding Bands.
It's wonderful to be here,
It's certainly a thrill.
You're such a lovely audience,
We'd like to take you home with us,
We'd love to take you home.
I don't really want to stop the show,
But I thought that you might like to know,
That the singer's going to sing a song,
And he wants you all to sing along.
So let me introduce to you
The one and only Army of Mom
And Former Specialist AoD and AoM's Crazy Wedding Bands.
Yeah, 11 years of wedding bliss. Ok, maybe only 10 of it counts as bliss. The other year of it ....
The Natural State
This was the view behind the lodge at the park. I'll have to post pictures of our view from the hotel. Beautiful. Army of Dad taught the kids how to skip stones, which they loved. I have so many cute pictures that I cute probably jam up the Internet with them all.
Just Like Christmas Morning For Me!
Here was the email from his teacher:
Just wanted to share some really great news with you. Students received their reading TAKS scores today and Pickle received a commended score. This means that he missed three or less on the test. This is awesome! A commended score is not easy to achieve. Pickle has worked so hard and we are all proud of his achievements. It’s wonderful that Pickle has such a supportive family and especially such a supportive mom! Perhaps when you pick him up today you could have a Sonic drink for him as a special congratulations treat!!
I'm still shaking my head in disbelief. I always knew he had it in him. And, this is the regular mainstream test that everyone takes. I'm still in shock. So proud, too.
Hot Rod was invited to join the Duke Talent Identification Program for earning a perfect score on his third-grade math TAKS test.
So, I'm deepening the gene pool here people. You may start lining up your daughters for inspection to see if they may be considered for dating my boys as they get older. Cute and smart. Plus, you'd have me for an in-law. What more could you want?
Hey Hey Hey!
Going straight to hell
I broke my Lenten sacrifice today while generic fudge graham crackers were sitting on my desk and begging me to eat them with a glass of milk. Yes, they were crying out to me.
Worst part was me trying to sneak eating them while my children weren't looking. They busted me Saturday while we were in Arkansas for a weekend trip - I had lemon bread pudding. *Yeah, how do you pass that up? God will forgive me for that.*
p.s. I gave up cookies, ice cream, cakes, etc. for Lent. *sigh* I added three more days to the 40 to make up for it.
Before and After
Today's new fence. Looks so weird to me to see it all nice and new without missing pickets and landscape timbers propping up the collapsing fence. :) Now, I have to get back there and get the kids busy raking. Then, I need to get to work on the gardens. I got some new azaleas today that I plan to put in a corner of the yard. Some color would be nice. My garden around the side of the house is still in the works. It looks better than yesterday. I cracked up today. I didn't realize the dad was home next door. I was down on all fours putting with my back to the neighbor's house putting the weed guard sheet stuff in the garden and I hear "Looks good over there" from him. I had to laugh to myself because I'm wondering if he's talking about the view or the garden in progress. LOL. I'm sure it was the garden, but it was funny. I ought to get the garden done Friday. If not, I will finish it early next week. Little Bit wants to help put in some seeds and some annuals we got at Home Depot today (3 for a $1). So, I may dig the holes and let her plant them. Then, we can put down the mulch and be done with it for me. I can finish transplanting stuff next week, I suppose.
Tiptoe through the tulips
I had been toying with the idea of expanding the side garden to cover a large bare area where grass refuses to grow. Heck, only a few weeds will even grow there.
But, it seemed like a good idea to expand the garden. I have all sorts of irises (in Army of Dad's favorite iris color - Vikings purple!) That means I have ready-made flowers for the area. I have it maybe one-third - maybe more - done. Here Little Bit is walking through it. She and Hot Rod were pretty good helpers when they weren't fighting each other today. I hope to finish the garden on Thursday or Friday morning. Ooh, that reminds me. I also have some bulbs that ArmyWife ToddlerMom sent me before she moved from Arkansas to Nebraska. I need to plant them, too. The last batch she sent me created some lovely yellow and purple irises in my front garden.
Busy Little Bee
I had a big project that will pay very well, but had to be done by March 17. Worst part is that I didn't get started on the thing, in earnest, until Thursday. Yeah, procrastination is my middle name. Perhaps my first some days.
I'm not even sure where to start with all of this. I shipped off my baby girl to my folks on Saturday. I'll go pick her up tomorrow. So, I made the most of my weekend. This weekend, I spent picking up around the house and straightening up. Not cleaning, but just getting things halfway in order. I did around 15 loads of laundry this weekend. Part of the time was spent hunting down Pickle's socks (I noticed I wasn't washing too many and wondered if he was tossing them behind his bed or just wearing the same socks over and over - neither option was favorable). I did find about six pairs of dirty socks spread out around his room. Gathered up his laundry, Hot Rod's laundry and Little Bit's laundry. Straightened up the upstairs bathroom (nasty stuff, the men's restroom *shuddering*).
I finally put away all the Christmas decorations. Yes, on March 15. They had been stuck in the upstairs hallway since about Jan. 15 - we way outlasted the epiphany this year. I'm trying to say I was an extra-good Catholic, but it was more like an extra lazy mom. So, I got all that stuff put away. Went through Little Bit's room while she was gone this weekend and pulled out the baby toys to give away, sorted through her clothes and hand-me-downs. I realized I'm all out of hand-me-down shoes. I'll have to start buying them. *sigh* But, I found enough summer clothes, I think, so I shouldn't have to buy anything. Woo hoo. She is gross to be a girl. I had half a tall kitchen sack of trash from her room, too. Filled up a giant shopping bag to send a friend with a baby girl. We'll see how long her room stays organized.
Spent just a few minutes in Hot Rod's room and got his new valance up that he got for Christmas. *sigh* Now, I need to tackle his room and go through all his clothes to pull out the ones that are too little and see if he has any hand-me-downs that will work this year. He got in trouble today when his friend came over. Needless to say they had a rock-throwing contest that ended with a new neighbor from behind me coming over to meet me. *sigh* Divorced doctor who needed some sleep and not rocks hitting his house. My single-mom neighbor was intrigued when I mentioned the divorced doctor living behind her. :) So, maybe Hot Rod will be punished by having to try on all his clothes to see what fits. Bwwahahahahaaaa!
I even got some of the rose bush pruned today. Our fence should be replaced later this week, so it was either prune the rose bush or have it ripped up. Since it came from my granny's yard, I opted to prune it. Now, we have lots of leaves to bag and we're getting a new gate, so I need to dig up a bunch of irises and cannas to move. I'm going to expand a garden on the side of my house, so I think that is where the plants are going to be moved. And, this week may be the perfect time to do it.
I figure all this housework and yardwork will make up for me missing my gym time while the kids are home and I can't make it up to the rec center. We'll see about that.
Anyway. This (along with kid activities) is why I've been absent and why that may continue this week. Busy, busy, busy. No rest for the wicked. Don't even get me started on my sex dream about a Hispanic waiter, Bob Cratchett and Mr. Scrooge. *shaking my head* I'm a basket case.
You're My Best Friend
This song always gives me the warm fuzzies for Army of Dad. Even if it is "old" music as far as he's concerned. That's what he gets for marrying an old gal.
Sic 'em, Bears!
I'm gonna belt you!
And the grin says it all. Look at that satisfaction!
Pickle gets some explanation with his advancement to an adult purple belt. Now, it is going to get even harder. His next belt goal is BROWN!!!! His instructors warned him to expect to take several sessions of training to test and pass for a brown belt. Apparently, the brown belt test can take a few hours to do. The student has to know every term from the juniors and every level from white to purple. Then, they have to know every kata for all those levels, too. That doesn't even include the self-defense parts either. Additionally, they have to know pressure points, all the fine points of sparring and judging sparring, etc etc. So, it will be involved. I think he can do it. They said he can't test for a black belt anyway until he's 17. But, there are lots of things involved from this point on. His one fatal flaw, according to one of the instructors, is his lack of confidence. He did fine on his test, but he would hesitate and question himself. Bless his heart, that is one of his traits. So, we need to work on that.
I was disappointed that this picture was blurry because I really like it. So, smaller, it doesn't look so bad. I'm so proud of my children. Can you tell?
She's a young cowhand
And, this little pertty girl, too, at school. What? I had to take some pictures at school, too, since I won't be at the official rodeo event. Would you believe this little darlin is the same age as my baby girl? No kidding. My daughter is petite, but this little cutie is the tallest kid in class. She's bright in addition to being cute. Well, thar ya go pardners. A taste of Texas cutie. I got in the mood, too, and put on a Lyle Lovett concert shirt my FIL gave us. ON the front is a desert scene and it reads "That's right, you're not from Texas."
Feel The Burn
I'm a couple of pounds lighter than I was when I started - maybe three max - but I actually feel better physically. My body feels lighter (if that makes any sense to people). I just don't feel as weighed down overall. It is hard to explain the feeling.
But, today. Ah, today. I felt the burn. In the past week, I've started increasing the difficulty of the cardio, just enough to feel it. And, I've started upping the weight amounts in the weight-room. On some little in-out thigh machine thingee, my ass truly felt the burn today. I caught myself massaging my butt (cuz it was burning people) and some old man was mesmerized on the machine next to me.
Note to self: Don't rub my ass at the gym. Although, there was one guy across the room whose ass I might think about rubbing. Wait, did I type that out loud?
The eye candy can be nice at times when I get around all the senior citizens in the place. That's just a bonus, the eye candy, not the seniors. Although I feel like a wimp when some 60-something year old lady gets on the machine after me and increases the weight. *sigh* I have a LOOOOONG way to go. But, I'm on the road.
And, p.s. no comments about rubbing my ass for me. K? Only one person on that list and he won't be home for a while. Back to work. Soon. Got a MAJOR deadline on Tuesday and I'm behind the 8-ball on this one.
Mother Nature is en route to bring me my monthly gift and the bitch is taking her sweet time torturning me. On Sunday and Monday, I cried at everything. A story about some chimpanzee throwing rocks at zoo visitors? Yeah, I cried. Poor chimp didn't like being stared at all the time. Today? I read a story about some crack addict ripping off another mom in the maternity ward so she could buy some crack after giving birth and leaving the hospital. Did I cry? Heck no. I was pissed off.
City parks and rec gal who called me today got ripped a new one, too. So, did a few other city employees. The city attorney and risk management folks got messages and better call me back tomorrow or else the wrath will continue to grow. *long story, but suffice it to say they want me to sign a waiver that even if their employees are negligent and manage to mangle or kill my children while in their care, that they're held harmless* Uh, yeah. Ya'll can kiss my ass. I've seen too many people texting while driving - and wasn't there a train engineer who killed several dozen people doing that? Yeah, no thanks. *shaking my head*
And, don't even think about cutting me off right now. Had we not been running behind because of the rain I would have chased down an 18-wheeler who cut me off and then tried to veer into my lane when I tried to pass him. Yeah, he sped up and was going about 70 in the pouring rain in a 60 mph zone. Fortunately for him, I value the lives of my children more than my anger at wanting to chase him down for almost killing us twice!
And, the kids? Yeah, Momzilla was unleashed tonight. They were taking out the trash, emptying the dishwasher, doing homework ... going to bed on time.
Me? Nope, I get to be pissy all night long without any hope of relief. I have a bucket load of deadlines and no give room. I tried to get one deadline pushed back. No such luck. So, I'm going to be tied to the home office and computer until Tuesday. Worst part is that I have until the 25th to get the house ship-shape before the exterminator comes. I need to have everything in its place and clean so he can rid us of any creepy-crawlies (including the brown recluses I've seen in the garage). So, I have my work cut out for me.
I have a feeling I'm going to be drinking a lot of coffee and when all these deadlines are met, lots of Midori.
Don't say I didn't warn you!
My Kids Mommed My Ride
My kids are fired. They mommed my ride this morning. I'm on my way to the gym when I hear something rolling around in the car. I stop in the parking lot and start looking around - you gotta be kidding? Yep, you guessed it: a golf ball.
On the Mound
That was probably a good thing for him.
Because I was there, I was able to handle him and not have an office referral for him. But, when I call it a fistfight, that may be an overstatement. It was really more a beat-down. Hot Rod put that kid in his place. I think it had been a long time coming with these two and Hot Rod reminded me of Ralphie in A Christmas Story when the bully got it and got it good. Ok, what brought on that story was the the kid Hot Rod beat up was on the opposing team. Best part for Hot Rod: he struck the kid out. I don't think anything could have made the evil grin on my son's face any bigger. *shaking my head*
On the bright side, Little Bit won her sparring match and even defeated a girl a belt ranking higher than her. She kept saying over and over "I won and I beat a GREEN belt!" She couldn't have been any prouder.
Spring has Sprung
Poor Mean Green
Oh well, there is always next year. And, hopefully, the return of the handsome (and hopefully healed) Collin Mangrum.
A first for me
I know, I know. Sacrilege. I've never experienced it before. I went to see Inkheart and fell in love with the movie. It was SOOOOOO much better than the book.
Are you achin?
This was probably my favorite scene out of The Lion King. But, what made me think about it was the tasty Fiber One bars I got for my kiddos' lunchboxes. They love them. And, if you buy them at Sam's, they're pretty cheap, too.
I know a kid like this
Go Mean Green!
I'm still mad, Eddie
*taking deep breaths*
I get madder by the day at the same thing. For all my liberal friends, please shield your eyes and turn away now because you're not going to like what I have to say. Those of you who put this putz in the White House - pththptphphpttppppp. I'm guessing some of ya'll are still drinking the Kool-aid while others are having buyers' remorse. Worst part is that I'm stuck with your purchase and my children and their children will be strapped with this albatross.
There are so many things I'm mad about this administration from the whole pledge to not rush legislation (ha) to his promise to make everything transparent. (double dumbass on those of you who believed that) Now, we have this stimulus that I won't see a penny of and will probably have to pay for ultimately anyway. And, before anyone can try to say 'well, you're well off and don't have to worry about money' you can kiss the widest part of my big old backside. When I filed my 2008 taxes, we made about half in 2008 of what we made in 2007. Why? Because Army of Dad was out of work for seven months. But, guess what? We paid all of our bills and did it on time. I take that back, our electric bill was late one month. AoD took a pay cut for his current job - one he is thrilled to have in this economy - and I've lost pay from magazines eliminating freelance budgets or slashing them drastically. But, we're struggling on through. Of course, we don't even want to contemplate what happened to our retirement accounts.
That leads me to the latest issue. When Democrat financial advisor Jim Cramer says Obama's policies are making things worse, you might want to perk up your ears and listen:
Look at the incredible decline in the stock market, in all indices, since the inauguration of the president, with the drop accelerating when the budget plan came to light because of the massive fear and indecision the document sowed: Raising taxes on the eve of what could be a second Great Depression, destroying the profits in healthcare companies (one of the few areas still robust in the economy), tinkering with the mortgage deduction at a time when U.S. house price depreciation is behind much of the world's morass and certainly the devastation affecting our banks, and pushing an aggressive cap and trade program that could raise the price of energy for millions of people.
The market's the effect; much of what the president is fighting for is the cause. The market's signal can't be ignored. It's too palpable, too predictive to be ignored, despite the prattle that the market's predicted far more recessions than we have. ... But Obama has undeniably made things worse by creating an atmosphere of fear and panic rather than an atmosphere of calm and hope. He's done it by pushing a huge amount of change at a very perilous moment, by seeking to demonize the entire banking system and by raising taxes for those making more than $250,000 at the exact time when we need them to spend and build new businesses, and by revoking deductions for funds to charity and that help eliminate the excess supply of homes.
*taking deep breaths*
There, I said it. I've been trying to avoid posting something like this because I know most folks come here for cute kid pics and maybe a saucy soccer mom lewd remark now and then. But, dammit, I'm mad. I feel like I have no control over what is going on in the world. Two of my editors - who are also my friends - are now out of work after more than a dozen years running successful publications. Why? Because this economy sucks. Why does it suck? Because as soon as Obama got elected, the business world panicked and why wouldn't they? Look at all his "change." Hope? Can't say that I have much.
I wanted so badly to name Pickle after Paul McCartney, but the names just didn't ring together. Pickle of Mom sounded so much better that Paul of Mom. *sigh* I always loved Paul McCartney - for as long as I can remember. I grew up on his songs from the time I first heard music through those formative teen years. He just sang to me. Uzz took me to see Paul at Texas Stadium when we were in college. It remains to this day one of my favorite concerts. I remember this video when I was junior high (I recall) and thinking Paul McCartney was one of the most handsome men around. *sigh* Those were the days.
All Over You
Our love is like water ... I was tagged on Facebook by El Capitan to do a meme about the 15 albums that had a profound impact on my life. I've been thinking about this for more than a week now. Throwing Copper by Live may be one of those albums. No, on second thought, it most definitely is on that list. It marked my transition from girl to mother, coming out the year I gave birth to my first child. Uzz and I saw Live in concert, too, which made it even more profound for me. Great music to work to, as well, while I've taken on a last minute project for a PR firm. Money is money.
20+ years later
I loves me some Jen Lancaster and can't wait for her new book to come out. It is about her high school years and apparently she got an email from a woman she went to high school with - that gal's daughter apparently bought Jen's book and asked her mom if she might know her because Jen and the mom were from the same home town (and apparently around the same age.) Well, apparently this mom harbored ill feelings toward Jen since high school. Jen posts about it and the comments start rolling in.
What is funny to me is that I can identify with both people in this story. I can identify with Jen - who doesn't even remember this girl and therefore has no idea how she was mean to her. I have had that happen. I had some girl I went to church with come up to be at church camp (back in high school) and apologize for hating me so much. Huh? She hated me for some reason that I have already forgotten, but suffice it to say that she felt I slighted her in some way. The sad thing is that she was already the size of a house at age 16 and I weighed like 95 pounds soaking wet and already had curves by age 14. So, I'm guessing that played some role in it because I really was nice to everyone (except maybe some boys, for which I feel great remorse for). But, I have a friend on Facebook who if I never saw or spoke to again, I'd be ok with that. I was shocked when she saw me and asked to be my FB friend.
Wanna know why? When I was about a freshman and she was a junior, she said she wanted to kick my ass. Why, you ask? Because I wore my make-up the same way every day was her answer when I asked her why she wanted to beat me up. The worse part was that she was probably the baddest of all badasses in high school. She was a karate champ and I KNEW she could kick my ass and maim my pretty little face. So, I was terrified for a while. Some 22 years later, I haven't forgotten that. While I would be cordial and friendly had I ran into her on the street, I wouldn't go out of my way to find her and be on friendly terms. As it is, she probably doesn't even remember it and I'm not going to bring it up either.