Like the time when I met Alan Tudyk at the sci-fi con. *double sigh* He was signing and contributing his proceeds to an organ donation organization. I was prepared (while waiting in line) to talk to him about my cousin's kidney transplant (from a cadaver donor). But, when I got up there, all I could muster was: I thought it sucked that Wash died in Serenity.
Geesus. Really? That's the best you can do?
And, then, on Friday Nov. 21, I ran into my high school love. The man that everyone (including my parents) thought I was going to marry. Hell, I thought I was going to marry him. We had dated for about 18 months when I left for college. That was pretty much the start of the end for us. While I was away at school, he screwed around and I found out about it. So, we broke up over Christmas break my freshman year at Baylor. Very sad, indeed. So sure were my parents that we'd get married, my mom had my towels embroidered with my first initial and my middle initial (which happened to start with the same letter as his last name). Anyway. I went to see a high school playoff football game from my high school alma mater. He was there.
AoM: Hi. *eyes bugging at seeing him*
Ex-BF: Hi. *eyes also bugging at seeing me (still not sure what that expression was other than shock)*
AoM and Ex-BF: *exchange awkward hug*
AoM: *bundled up for freezing weather for game and looking like the Michelin man* Gees. I haven't seen you in 20 years and I have on 14 layers of clothes and look like a cow.
Ex-BF: You don't look fat.
AoM: Thanks. Well, good to see you. Take care.
*shaking my head* Did I really say that? I mean, 20 years of not seeing the guy who was my *ahem* first (while listening to the Beastie Boys on the floor of his bedroom) and that is the best I can come up with? Pathetic. I'm an effing wordsmith and that is the best I can do. *sigh* It probably didn't help that he is even more handsome than he was in high school. And me? Well, I can't string two syllables together without sounding like a moron.
The kids were so stoked last night. After the UNT game, the players signed autographs. We don't usually stay because we have school or something important the next day and they need their sleep. Last night, we let them stay. You can see the giant smile on Hot Rod's face, even from this angle. And, Little Bit? Oh, her manners are so good. I was so proud of her. Would you sign this for me? And, then a thank you after they did. She was better mannered than some of the adults I saw seeking autographs. So many blessings. May God bless your family as He has mine. Happy Thanksgiving.
Of the devil
No one over 60 allowed in the self-check-out lanes.
Found my frozen OJ (accidentally picked up frozen apple juice by not paying good attention Sunday) and then grabbed some organic carrots (we had some, but not enough, my dear husband explained to me). So, I'm done - after maneuvering through many, many people in the aisles *note to self not to venture near grocery store again between now and Thanksgiving evening* and heading to the check out lane. There, every person in North Texas was standing in line.
So, I think I'm bright, bold and ready to do this. Both my items have barcodes. I'm good. Except all the old people thought the same thing. Gees Louise. Grandma, just hike up your support hose and go stand in a line with a cashier. It will be better for your heart than the stress you're having trying to figure this out.
Finally, grandma gets her goodies and heads out. Me? Seriously - took less than a minute to scan the items, scan my stupid customer card, swipe the debit card and voila (or as the hillbillies in one of the local papers calls in, bwallah) I'm done.
*taking deep breaths*
Funny how something as simple as scrubbing the bathrooms, cooking and cleaning has given me this incredible peace. And, this overwhelming feeling of love for my husband. Finally, after seven months of wondering what was going to happen - I feel like this Thanksgiving may be the most blessed of them all. We've endured so much in our 10+ years. Last Thanksgiving, I was just grateful that my mom was alive after open-heart surgery. Now, she's back to her crazy old self. Less than a month ago, I didn't know how we were going to make it through this month financially. Now, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Things are still tight for another few months as we get back on our feet, but we have something to look forward to. I feel like things are as they should be - and that brings me a contented feeling that I honestly haven't had in months. My honey didn't land his dream job, but he has a job. That is more than we can say for so many people. He knows that and he is making the best of it. Are we both pretty much working two jobs? Yes, but I'm so blessed that my jobs can be done while the children are sleeping or at school. So, I'm still here for them. Not many mothers have that blessing. I have so much to be thankful for this year. I hope each of you finds that same peace and joy this holiday season.
And, the song? That is one my dear husband picked out for me. I sort of like it. I can rage like a river ...
No Hard Feelings
Election day is over,
The talking is done.
My party lost, your party won.
So let us be friends,
Let arguments pass.
I'll hug my elephant,
You kiss your ass.
Hat tip to my college roomie, CB.
1. prolific blogging
2. she catches up on all the blogs she never goes to
3. she balances the checkbook (how hard is it to divide zero into zero)
4. she does the laundry
5. she chats on Yahoo IM with long lost friend in Arizona
6. she thinks about all the housecleaning and cooking that needs to be done
7. she works on different story not due till Dec. 3
8. she emails her husband incessantly at his new job. worries that it might get him fired.
9. she tries to organize pile of crap on desk
10. she steps on scale hoping that the 12 pounds she gained in the past seven months have mysteriously dropped in the past two weeks
11. she calls scale a fucking liar and then puts it back by the toilet so the 9-year-old boy will pee on it again when he is talking to someone while peeing and not aiming properly (seriously, how hard is this, guys?)
12. she handwashes incredibly hawt unmentionable
13. she listens to new theme song about 14 times
The Joy of the 40s
A few years ago, I thought I would show my struggling child how to do a cartwheel. Simple enough, right? Uh, wrong. I collapsed into a big pile of body parts while my children laughed and taunted me. Then, there was the time I thought I'd show off my mad cheerleader jump skillz on the trampoline, too. Only to do the jump and promptly suffer from a small bout of incontinence (courtesy of said children of whom I gave birth to, but thought I'd be immune from the stress incontinence thing after having three c-sections. BWAHAHAHA. No such luck, bub.) Thankfully, no one but me noticed I peed my pants. Ok, my husband did (he laughed, too) because I have a habit of making a certain noise when I sneeze and droplets of whiz escape simultaneously. He recognized the noise and proceeded to crack himself up. Laugh it up, furball. *sigh*
But, I almost laughed till I peed (again) when I read about Dad Gone Mad having a similar situation. Not with the peeing thing (having not given birth and all) but with the whole "I can still do the things I did when I was 10" madness that we all seem to have from time to time. Poor dude. I'll save you a dry spot on the couch next to me at Bingo night at the retirement home. But, only if you'll loan me your reading specs to see the Bingo board.
You gotta be kidding
The recording ad just came on for a program they're doing on surgery called : Get hip to hip replacement
Gees Louise. THAT marketing person should be whipped and flogged.
New belts in the house
The instructors like to make me jumpy (ok, they're not doing it to get to me, but it is effective) because they snap the belts as they're doing the karate belt origami thing they do. Makes my backside sting as I remember that sound from childhood when mom or dad got the belt and I was going to get it good. Yikes. My kids - and all the ones in there - have no clue that the sound should make you cringe, cower and plead for mercy while apologizing that you will never again paint the basset hound with the grey paint you found in the garage or that you'll never throw a piece of firewood at the house again. Not that it ever happened to me.
I opted not to ogle any teenage boys or warp any young minds today by skipping out on substitute teaching so I can catch up on writing (stories due today and Dec. 10, oh cripes) and then try to get the house clean and food cooking. Oh crimedy. (What does cripes and crimedy mean, anyway? Yeah, I'm sure the definitions are a mere Google search away, but who has time for that useless stuff?)
I have shit to do today. And, I gotta procrastinate by blogging, so the deadlines will loom closer and larger and thus make me work harder. Right? Right.
So, I'm thinking today - ok, really it was yesterday - that the local police department probably has a little binder with my name on it. Inside are all the times I've called about stranded motorists, suspicious Kirby salesmen and the pedophile who lives around the corner. They've pretty much stopped taking my seriously, oh, about nine years ago, I'm thinking. Seriously, my caller ID comes up on the 911 line and I'm sure the operator just rolls her eyes. I'm surprised she hasn't said "Ok, Mrs. AoM, what is it this time? Someone broken down in the road or another suspected drunk (sic, should be drunken) driver? None of those? Ok, so are the crackhead's kids setting off fireworks again? Or the Bumpus hounds barking again at ungodly hours? No, not this time? Well, certainly the neighbors behind you must be tossing pizza in your backyard again ..." and so it goes on. There are also a few choice complaint letters in there about the 5-0, too. Cuz I'm on the down-low ... or is it low-down? I can never remember my gangsta terms. Therefore, my street creds are right down the drain.
But, all this just makes me want to stalk Jen Lancaster because we would so be BFF. *sigh* The whole living in Chicago things would make it hard for us to go grab Starbucks and then eat danishes till we can't walk, but, seriously. Aside from the excessive drinking and cursing *ROFLMAO, ok, I can't even type that with a straight face* we're two peas in a pod. Like Forrest would say, we're just like peas and carrots, us two. Because it was my husband who was teasing me for calling the cops again yesterday, but seriously, who goes around trying to give people a crappy old dustbuster thing as his intro to trying to sell you a Kirby vaccuum cleaner while wearing black sweatpants. Seriously. I don't buy anything from someone wearing sweatpants unless it is a gym membership. *ha ha* That would imply that I walk into a gym. *smacking my fist on the ground now in laughter* I forgot to mention that if you don't read Jen's books, you wouldn't know that she, also, has a penchant for calling the cops about all sorts of things, too. *sigh* Peas and carrots, people.
Ok, gotta get my cold fingers to dance across the keyboard and whip up some great article about drilling for natural gas. Then, I'm going to work on Hurricane Ike re-construction and how church administrators can find the best benefit packages for their staffs. Yes, one and all, rub down the goosebumps. I could be instructing YOUR children today. So, be glad that I'm here.
AoM's New Theme Song
Oh.My.Gosh. I laughed so hard. It is a good thing I wasn't drinking my Diet Coke or it would have been spewed all over Little Bit. We went to see Madagascar 2. It won't be winning any Academy Awards, but it was entertaining and fun to watch. But, when Moto Moto (the dom hippo) sings this little "love song" to Gloria, I lost all composure and immediately knew deep in my heart and fat ass ... this is MY song.
Prettiest Girl in the World
So, I'm not an evil bitch after all
I have all sorts of wonderful pics of my kids, lots of opinions on things and tons of snarky commentary just waiting to come out.
Alas, what I'm missing is time. I've taken a new writing gig that entails an early morning round-up of what is going on in the business world since the close of business the day before. So, I wake up at 5 a.m. and get to researching for a 6 a.m. deadline.
Then, I'm usually getting kids ready, lunches packed and myself ready as I'm heading out the door to substitute teach. So far, I've done that about three days a week. Then, if I'm lucky with a half-day assignment, I can get a few other errands done in the afternoon. Then, it is time to pick up kids and start dinner and evening activities ...
Anyway ... I'm sorry to be so MIA.
Restoring faith in humanity
Not because he's the cute boy-next-door kind of guy. Or because he's a great QB for my team (although those things help). But, because he is a good person.
Weird Book Meme
Stolen from ArmyWife ToddlerMom.
To most people, chlorine's kind of a repulsive smell, but for those of us who spent their summers submerged, it's as pleasant as a sunny day when your only chore is to lie on a raft until you feel like riding your bike to the pro shop to buy a new Izod.
After an extra-soapy preliminary shower, I ease myself into the hundred-and-twenty-degree Jacuzzi, wallowing up to my ears. I bring the book Wicked with me as it's already misshapen from too many spills into the bath. The Jacuzzi is huge and I'm able to float in the very center, spreading my arms wide, without touching any of the sides. I look like the Vitruvian Man - if he were wearing a pink-and-black Miraclesuit, that is. As the bubbles begin to buffer me against the sides, I feel clean down to my very soul.
My book: Bright Lights, Big Ass by Jen Lancaster (what can I say? I'm on a kick. She only has three books and this is the last one I can read till she gets off that big ass and writes another one!)
I almost forgot to hit up five people to do this:
Oh thank heaven!
May I hop on the bandwagon?
Oh, and one bandwagon I WILL NOT be on - two homes in my area already have their Christmas lights and decorations up in the yard. Major faux pas people. Not until the day after Thanksgiving. Helloooooooo.
How to avoid work
In reading "Such a Pretty Fat" by Jen Lancaster, she mentions avoiding work one day by watching a panda sneeze on YouTube. I sort of giggled and moved on with the book. But, then LabKat calls me last night in a tizzy about it. She is now reading my book and decided to buy all of Jen Lancaster's books (because Jen would so be our friend going with us to blow money at Starbuck's and I'm sure - given the chance- she'd love to hit a male strip club, too!), but I digress. Anyway. Kat knew the panda clip and told me I simply had to watch it. Yep, I found myself watching it about 10 times, laughing harder every single time. Enjoy.
Darwin was right
What a rocking post-birthday
I'm sitting in the swanky lobby/resident area of Cirque - one of the upscale high-rise condos in Uptown Dallas. I just spent a glorious night watching people walk over to the AAC for whatever event was there last night. We dined on Lemmon Avenue among all the beautiful gay men. I felt very proud every time one sized up my husband (whom I'm sure they think would make a glorious bear *he's going to kill me for saying that*) ... but, it has been great.
We slept late (ok late for me is 7 these days). I woke up to watch the sun rise over downtown. Lovely. Sat around and read, soaked in a great tub.
Ahhh. Life is good.
Now, I have people making me an omelette.
Then, I'm off to partake of another high-rise condo in a little while. Yeah, life is good.
Resistance is Futile
But, the best part of subbing Thursday. There was a boy in a class named Ryker. Now, I loves me some ST:TNG, so I was loving that name. However, I had to stifle a giggle a few times because I wanted to call him No. 1. When I needed someone to take the attendance sheet to the office, I almost said "No. 1, I have an away mission for you." *still giggling* We had a fire drill, too, during this class. *rolling my eyes* But, I kept thinking RED ALERT, RED ALERT! Man battle stations!"
*entertaining myself wildly*
Today, I get first-graders. We'll see, but I think so far, I prefer the half-days at high schools.
and, on the good news front (blog posts to come eventually), Hot Rod guest played in a soccer tournament last weekend and the team won second place; Little Bit got her orange belt last night; and Pickle got his adult blue belt. I have such good kids.
Working Hard or Hardly Working?
Then the devil is 6
Then God is 7
This monkeys gone to heaven
Trying to follow my John Wooden quote taped to my hard drive:
"Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do."
There are only so many hours in the day to get everything done. But, by God, I'm trying to squeeze 27 hours of work into 24 hours. So, I'm writing *only two days past deadline* and this morning's Elvis Costello/Morrissey musicfest got me to thinking about my music from the late 80s and early 90s.
So, I've been rocking out while writing. The Smiths, The Cure, The Pixies, Siouxise and the Banshees ... yeah. Sue me. The kids are with dad at the UNT Mean Green basketball exhibition game. Free tickets! Woo hoo. We can afford free.
This music is keeping me from pulling out my hair while writing stimulating stuff like: Cherokee Bridge and Road, LTD, of Junction is the contractor doing the work. The cost for replacing the 51-year-old bridge between Monahans and Coyanosa just west of FM 1927 is slightly more than $2 million.
Yes, ladie and gents, rub down the goosebumps. That's Pulitzer Prize winning stuff right there. *sigh* It pays the bills. Now, where was I? Oh yeah, Farm-to-Market Road 2552 from Eureka Street to U.S. 180 at Denton Street in Weatherford.
Why we don't have a dog
Here, for example, are some reasons why I don't have a dog:
1. My parents' back yard smells really horrendous because my parents never scoop up the poop.
2. dog breath
3. The last dog we had chewed the siding off the house
4. My poor MIL's dog passed away and the rescue dog she got a few weeks later died of severe heart worms.
5. reading Jen Lancaster's book and hearing her talk about dogs barfing on guests, chewing new furniture and dragging their asses on the carpet after pooping
6. reading a blog I haven't been to in a while and the blogger talked about her dog licking the other dog's ass about 50 times a day
7. Uzz's dog peeing in his car and then pooping at his sister's when he dropped it off on his way out of town
8. still heartbroken over losing my own dog back in 1996. Long story, don't ask. I didn't lose the dog, but someone caring for it until I could get an apartment where it could stay did. Sad.
9. they shed hairs everywhere
10. they stink
11. I don't have the time to care for one more thing.
12. money money money
Another reason why I don't have a dog. Any dog who eats a stuffed penguin in my house is dinner. Where's the number for the Super Buffet? They might need some meat on the buffet tonight.
Thank You to All Who Have Served
Keep the Change, part 2
Hot for Teacher
So far, so good. I haven't turned into Mary Kay LeTourneau. One thing I have noticed is that high school isn't much different than when I was there. There are the nerdy dudes, brainiac girls, jocks, cheerleaders, fashionistas, and stoners. I did get to actually do some teaching today, which was sort of nice. I was in a Pre-AP literature class. Now, that is what I'm talking about.
I heard you missed us, we're back.
I brought my pencils
Gimme something to write on, man!
Return of the Substitute Teacher
BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!!
I was all in a tizzy over this being the worst birthday ever. Then, my mom took me to see the King Tut exhibit in Dallas. I kept singing this song to myself and giggling. There was a some sort of "bovine goddess" that I thought should be dedicated to me and my heifer ass. That made us giggle. Anyway. I got money from my in-laws *always a woo hoo moment* and mom took me to Olive Garden for lunch. My honey made me a GIANT batch of homemade spaghetti sauce. Lots of calls and text messages from friends with good wishes (which was wonderful - thanks to you all *smooches*). And, then, the best part of it all ... Army of Dad got a job!!!! He'll start on Monday!!!!!
Lordy, Lordy, Look Who's Forty
Yeah, I should be working, but I'm feeling terribly nostalgic this morning. I loved this band. It is funny to watch this video and you're instantly transported back to the '80s with the clothes and hair. Makes me giggle and long for a skinny tie. :)
Election Results Get Mixed Reviews from World Markets
Stocks Drop Worldwide as Glow Wanes Around Presidential Election
The thing is, I can tell the truth *unlike most journalists these days* because I'm not all up on Obama's dick. I know that about 98 percent of my colleagues at this paper are liberal-leaning from email conversations we've had. So, it isn't like I'm writing for a conservative-leaning pub like Investors Business Daily. I've actually gotten kudos from the publisher for my stories and headlines this week - that is something I have seldom received in my three years of writing for this pub. Our main competitor's clever headline over its wrap-up of financial events spurred by election results was simply: Obama Wins Election. My editor saw fit to write me a glowing email commending me for a more accurate headline with more meat to it. But, like I say, the competitor is so bathed in the morning-after effects of Obama's victory, that they couldn't see fit to indicate that the world hasn't changed overnight at the word of the Annointed One's election.
So, there is my bit of silver lining this week. I've been pretty down for a number of reasons. My computer monitor died Monday morning, so that hasn't helped. I sub today at one of the local high schools. Unfortunately it isn't East High, so there will be no dancing the lunchroom as Gabriella and Troy smooch on the roof. Ahhh, if only Corbin Bleu would be in the classroom today. *heart thumping*
Don't bother me
The boys woke up and asked me who won. I don't know, I told them.
Army of Dad woke up to ask me if the pundits are still operating on projections or votes that are in. I don't know, I told him.
Seriously. *sticking fingers in my ears and going lalalalalalalalalalalalalala*
I can hear LabKat and my cousin doing the dance of love across the Metroplex. That tells me all I need to know.
At a loss for words
People will likely shake their heads at me, but I'm physically sick to my stomach over the election. Seriously. I tried to wrap my head around it and come up with a blog post that truly explains how I feel.
Other than the upbeat demeanor, this is is a good reflection.
I'm a sub
First off, let me say that most fifth-grade boys are just tall enough to be eye-level with the *ahem* girls. And, suffice it to say that it was very disconcerting that despite my modest attire, apparently fifth grade boys notice those sorts of girls already. Gees. *shaking my head*
Let's see, what else is worthy of noting:
*One little guy loved me and wanted to hug me repeatedly. However, he refused to do any work and told me he'd rather take a zero on each paper despite my encouragement, pleas and threats.
*The smart kid in class (who reminded me an awful lot of Hot Rod) thought that I might buy that there were no dictionaries in the classroom. Uh, ok, dude. Not even.
*One kid kept falling asleep in class and then spent from lunchtime till the end of the day either in the bathroom or nurse's lounge.
*and the final coup de gras of the day was when one little girl tried to pull the fire alarm on the way to recess. Good Lord. I almost took the Lord's name in vain in front of the kids when I said "Jees ... louise, guys!" Whew. Fortunately, it was some little alarm for the cover of the actual fire alarm. Thank goodness!
On Thursday, I'll sub at one of the high schools for social studies. Gees, it has been forever since I minored in sociology at Baylor. I guess I can wing it. It will just suck that all my students will be taller than me.
But, the best part of all of this is that the school district's substitute teacher site is called SubFinder. *ROFLMAO* I would prefer to look in DomFinder. *snickering* As LabKat would say, hide your teenage sons. :) However, I promise I won't go all Mary Kay LeTourneau. I prefer men over boys.
AoM: I hate change.
AoD: Yet, another reason not to vote for Obama.
*snickering* It might have been funnier had you been there because it was a heartfelt statement for me that had nothing to do with politics. I'm just not good with change. But, yeah, what he said.
*snickering* I love being called a sub. Makes me giggle. At some point, I'm sure I'll slip and say I'm domming. I'm a dom today. *ROFLMAO*
But, I digress.
I haven't blogged much about the election for a number of reasons. But, I want to urge anyone who is sitting on the fence to please vote for the McCain/Palin ticket. For what it is worth, here are just a few reasons why I think it is worthy of your vote:
1. if you value your personal freedoms - 2nd amendment for one; 1st amendment for another - Obama kicked off several newspaper reps from his personal campaign plane after their papers endorsed McCain. Will he act like this of papers critical of his administration? So, we'll have a state-run propaganda paper (this is important to me as a journalist)
2. personal responsibility - it will be gone under his administration. It is all about big government taking care of us (i.e. telling us what to do). I value personal responsibility and charity.
3. if you oppose socialism - he wants to redistribute the wealth
4. he hangs around terrorists and America-hating people and thinks it is ok
5. he's an empty suit - no real accomplishments
6. homeland security - its going to hell in a handbasket under him and I can almost guarantee that we're going to be victimized again with him in charge
7. he is willing to negotiate with rogue nations - he's the Captain Janeway of government
8. he believes it is ok to let a baby born from a botched abortion to die
These are just a few of the things that popped into my head in a quick last-minute appeal for anyone who values freedom and personal responsibility. Please consider what you're doing and be careful what you are getting yourself into. Please.
Update: Here is a site dedicated to why undecided voters should vote for the McCain-Palin ticket. It will show you the views of both candidates, albeit from the McCain point of view. :)
Lesbians and Old Guys
And, old guys. I must be a tasty treat for old guys. We're at Sam's Club today stocking up on tissue, milk, Sunny D and juiceboxes. We usually split up at the end so he can drool over the fancy cheeses and I look at the cut flowers and seasonal items. I found myself checking out these liquor-filled chocolates and imagining how I could catch a buzz from just a couple of these things. I guess I had a far-off wistful look on my face because the sunroom-salesguy comes over and offers to help me drink these over Christmas. Then, he starts the sales pitch and I explain that my husband is out of work and we don't have the funds to do any home improvement projects right now. Usually, the salespeople just walk off at this point. Oh no, not this guy.
Salesguy: *something along the lines of would you be interested in a sunroom project*
AoM: No, my husband is unemployed right now and we don't have the money for it.
Salesguy: Would you like an employed husband?
AoM: *looking baffled*
Salesguy: *trying to recover while stealing glimpses at my boobs* Well, there are lots of places hiring seasonal help ... *blah blah blah*
When Army of Dad walked up, the guy said "oh, is this your husband?" I contemplated saying, no, this is my afternoon lover. *shaking my head*
Now, if I could ever find a rich old sugar daddy ... then we can talk. Heck, right now, a rich lesbian might work, too.