I haven't blogged about it earlier because I figure no one wants to hear about the shit in my life. I mean, I know how I feel sometimes about people whining on their blogs. I think, gees, people. Suck it up. There are people with REAL problems out there.
But, my problems are real to me and shitty to me.
Apparently, I'm a dumb broad when it comes to operating a motor vehicle. I didn't notice all the obvious signs that shout YOUR CAR IS FUCKED UP, GO GET IT HELP!!!! I didn't notice the puddle under the car. I didn't notice the car was running hot until the alarm started going off. By that time, apparently, the damage was done. I'm an idiot when it comes to cars. Plain and simple. I feel like I'm doing pretty good that I have the oil changed around every 3,000 miles give or take.
So, now we're out more money and I'm in the doghouse with my husband. He is very detail oriented and doesn't understand how I could let this happen. Doesn't help that my job ends next week and along with it ends my pay.
I'm working on lining up some telecommuting jobs, but pay is spotty and irregular with those sorts of jobs. Today, I also realized that the dentist had two "phases" of dental work for me to have done. I thought they were doing all of it at the same time, so I only made one appointment. I wondered why I only had two fillings and the crown done instead of five fillings. Then, I found the treatment plan and saw it. Fortunately, they got me in for next week, so I can get them done while I still have dental insurance.
I just feel like shit tonight. Have felt this way all day. On the upside, the sick-to-my-stomach feeling helps with my diet. I have been doing really good on it. Cutting back my portions and eliminating the junk and in-between stuff and I am feeling better physically. I hope to do some walking around the neighborhood once I am home all the time and I bet that will help the weight fall off. Whenever I have exercised regularly in the past, I typically an drop up to 20 pounds in a month. That will be good.
I just feel like a crummy wife. I feel like I blew it with the car. I'm overweight. I just don't feel like I do anything well. I guess I feel like more than a crummy wife. I feel like a crummy mother, a crummy friend, a crummy daughter ... I'm having to mooch off my friends to help get rides for my kids, borrow their cars ... I'm so blessed to have the friends that I do. I don't know what I'd do without them.
Just a side note, Wil Wheaton
has a post about how much he loves his friends and his wife and how he has been in a funk ... but his entry is titled Life is Good. Irony.
Bank to my tangent, maybe it is stupid, maybe it shows I'm weak, but the whole blog fiasco has really hurt my feelings. I had no intention of pissing off a group of bloggers that I had admired. Now, I'm on their shit list and I have the trolls getting good and nasty with me. I know I should care less, but I'm human and I'm emotional and I don't want to deal with it. Wish I could crawl up in a fetal position until everything is better. I feel the worst for letting Army of Dad down. I love him more than life itself and all I do is disappoint him.
Sorry to be a bummer toinght. I imagine I'll be on an upswing later. God, it has got to look up soon. I've been in a funk for a few weeks now.